


The Monitors

by Tanagariel



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/F, Romance, cophine - Freeform, propunk - Freeform, soccercop - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2014-01-27
Packaged: 2018-01-10 06:44:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 59,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1156396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tanagariel/pseuds/Tanagariel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Monitors is a rock band consisting of Paul Dierden (guitar and vocals), Donnie Hendrix (bass) and Delphine Cormier (drummer and vocals), their manager is Rachel Duncan. In the past, Rachel didn’t come to terms with her sisters Sarah Manning, Alison Hendrix and Cosima Niehaus, so she opted to follow her own path in the musical industry, since then, The Monitors have been rivals to The Orphans (her sisters band). This story takes place at one of the venues where they played; here Delphine will meet someone who will change her life forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Enchantée

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for the horrible translation, I used google translate since I know zilch of french. All mistakes are mine and I’m sorry if this sucks, but take into account that I’m a fraking biologist trying to write a story (that’s a big no no).

“Thank you guys, you were awesome” said Paul after we ended our last song. The crowd was screaming and the smell of sweat was overwhelming, but nonetheless satisfying. “See you around” said Donnie while he waved the fans and walk off stage. “Thank you” I bowed and left to join my bandmates.

 

Once backstage we seated to talk while we waited our manager. “Wow, tonight was really great guys, too bad we have to share stage with those crazy bitches” Paul commented while he was drying the sweat from his muscular chest. “Next time we should close the show, we need to discuss this with Rachel” said Donnie, “what do you think, Del?” “Well boys, the order of the festival was already established; I don’t think that Rach could have done something” “Rachel is preparing the new tour dates so we won’t share stage with other bands, although, The Orphans are not bad guys, they really have good songs”

 

Paul and Donnie were looking at me like I was crazy. “Del, don’t you say that in front of Rachel, you know how she doesn’t like to hear about her sisters” Paul was saying, “Besides, it’s not their music exactly, it’s them, have you meet any of those orphans? Let me tell you, Sarah is a pain in the ass, with that punk rock ho attitude” Donnie added “That Alison chick is really uptight, and the dreadlocked one is known for having girls around her 24/7. You ask me, those chicks are trouble man” - “Whatever guys”.

 

In that moment Rachel entered the dressing room, as always looking impeccable, all business, her blue dress surrounding all the right places, her hazel eyes resting on me for a sec. We have been together for a couple of months now, even though it’s a complete secret for the boys, she says that we need to be professionals so no one can know or else the paparazzi will make a fuss and that is not the kind of attention we want or so she says, so I really don’t know where this thing between us is really going. I really want to get to know her but she won’t let me, so cold on the outside, but when we are together she turns into a volcano, this is so confusing. “Good job out there, the promoter is glad that we came. The crew is finishing packing the instruments and the rest of the equipment, so we should be ready in 30 minutes, refresh yourselves go home and rest, we’ll talk tomorrow in the office” Everybody nodded in agreement. “Delphine, could you come with me for a moment?” “Oui”

 

We go out in the hall, the only sound we can hear is the crowd cheering. “What do you need Rach?” “You” and she kisses me so fiercely, so demanding, so Rachel, her hands pressing my back, her mouth taking without reservations. I kiss her back, scraping her lips, savoring her tongue and l – “Holy shite! sorry to interrupt, just passing through, yeah?” We split in a second, and I see the exact copy of Rachel in front of me, but not the same, she wears her brunette hair longer, cascading over a black hoodie and her guitar by her side. The moment it’s so awkward, the tension in the air so palpable; the other girl breaks the silence “Good to see you having fun Rachel” “Break a leg, Sarah” the sarcastic tones were evidence enough that there was bad blood between the sisters, now I get why we don’t talk about The Orphans, ever. And like that the punk rocker moved on her path to the stage. “We’ll finish this… business later, I have things to do, see you tomorrow Delphine?” “bien sûr” so she left like nothing happened. I wonder how she does it, turning her feelings on and off like a switch, one minute she is an erupting volcano and the next an iceberg. Maybe that’s why I’m clinging to this relationship or whatever this is, with the hopes that I’m going to be the one who will melt completely that ice.

 

The door of the dressing room opened and Paul and Donnie came out ready to go “Hey Del, where is Rachel? She wasn’t with you?” “She was here Paul, but she had to leave, you know how busy she is” “Right, so wanna grab some beer with us?” “Not tonight, maybe tomorrow” - Another female voice rang at the end of the hall “Cosima, could you move your ass already, please? We are about to start in 5 minutes and I am not waiting for you anymore, so hurry up” She was again the living image of Rachel and Sarah, but this one was like Donnie said, uptight. Her hair was in a ponytail and she was wearing a pink bandana that matched her yoga pants, in her hand she had her drumsticks. “Jesus, you are a pain in the ass Alison” “Shut up Donnie; oh so the whole gang is here, The Boring-tors ladies and gents” “Haha, very funny Hendrix, say hi to Sarah for me would you?” “Not in a million years Dierden, I don’t know how you can stand this two frenchie, I pity you” – She continued to the stage and left the three of us alone.

 

“I can totally see things going to hell if we were in an empty island with those girls, seriously” “Yeah, it’s because you joined the band in the middle of our conflict with Sarah and her sisters, but if you were with us since the beginning you totally would be on our side” explained Donnie and added “just wait a little bit more and you won’t be able to stand them at all” I laugh about the ridiculousness of the situation and wave my good byes and we went our separate ways. I was heading to my dressing room, the sound of the crowd chanting Orphans! Orphans! Orphans! getting louder by the minute, I kept walking while checking my phone when suddenly something, or someone trip over me.

“Shit”

“mon dieu, vous m’avez fait peur à mort”

“What? oh shit I’m so sorry” The girl was obviously another sister, but this one caught my eye, she was wearing a red coat over a blue sweater, her glasses framed her face and behind them black eyeliner surrounding those hazel eyes that I’m used to seeing, but her eyes were bright and vivid, not like Rachel’s, and her hair was all in dreadlocks and she smelled of weed and sex…hmmm so this is the womanizer Donnie was talking about? She smiles to me, and gosh I was mesmerized.

“You okay?” the girl asked

“Oui, I’m okay and you?”

“Cool; I’m so sorry, I was in a hurry and I didn’t see you until it was late” Her hands were moving all over the place while she talked to me. “You’re French?”

“Oh oui, I am the drummer of The Monitors”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah I heard you, you have a killer beat”

“Merci. Delphine” and I extended my hand

“Cosima” she shook my hand in return

“Enchantée” I said and she replied the same, just with a cute American accent.

“Well Cosima, I think you should hurry up to the stage it’s late you know?”

“Yeah, don’t sweat about it; I’m kind of always late kind of always sorry” she said grinning widely.

Cosima grabbed her bass, wave good bye to me and headed to the stage. I kept looking at her, in complete awe, who was this girl? And why I was staring at her like an idiot? Even though she was an exact copy of her sisters she couldn’t be more different, she felt warm and she exuded passion, she was something else, that girl, I was in deep shit, I just didn’t realize it at the moment. I gathered my thoughts and went my way, still thinking about the dreadlocked rocker while I tried to sleep.


	2. The Battle of the Bands

It was morning already, the rays of light passing through my windows. I was in bed trying to recover from last night’s gig. Even though we just played three songs, the audience was very demanding. I definitely could stay a couple more minutes in bed so I closed my eyes again and started to think about my life so far.  
I am the drummer of The Monitors, I am the fucking drummer of The Monitors, that’s like a mantra I use every day, and it’s still unbelievable what I’ve gone through. The Monitors was really getting the recognition we were looking for. For the last couple of months we worked so hard recording our debut album, sleepless nights, late recording sessions, it was hard, but now I could savor the results, the hard work had paid off. The groups popularity increased, hell, even my paycheck increased and now I was living the dream. Paul, Donnie and I are harassed by the press, the fans trying to get pictures, autographs, some of them making indecent proposals, people throwing underwear to the stage; it is really crazy, and I still can’t believe that this is happening to me. When I think about how it started, it seems so far away, even though I’ve been with them for almost two years now.  
I remember it clearly, a friend of mine needed a replacement for his sick drummer, he was in a jazz group and they had an important presentation in front of some entrepreneurs, so he asked for my help. I had nothing else to do, as a drummer it was kind of difficult when you didn’t had a stable job, so why not. The night of the presentation came, I was excited since it looked like it was a really big deal for these jazz group, granted, I was just the backup drummer but I felt the pressure to excel. I noticed that some of these corporate guys were part of DYAD RECORDS, and that’s when I saw her. Red lips, wearing a black dress, her legs crossed, hazel eyes, blonde bob haircut. That woman looked like she could command any of those men with just one finger; she exuded confidence and her look was so calculating, she made me nervous, but nonetheless I did my job.  
At the end of the show, my friend thanked me and gave me my pay, when I was about to leave the woman in black approached and said “My name is Rachel Duncan and we are going to come to terms” Mon dieu, that was the most direct approach ever. “vraiment? What kind of terms Ms. Duncan?” “Call me Rachel, and I believe that you are looking for a permanent job, isn’t that right Ms. Cormier?” How on earth did she knew me, I had no clue, but the way in which she managed herself, it was clear that she knew what she was taking about. “en effet, Rachel and please, call me Delphine” “Good, meet me tomorrow at Fung’s Delphine and I’ll make you an offer, I’ll bring the contract with me so you can read it, but trust me, this is a one in a lifetime offer so I don’t think you should take too much time analyzing it. Daniel let’s go” And with that, she left. I was with my mouth opened in disbelief, what just happened?  
So I met her the next day, she offered me being part of a rock band that was in need of a drummer and she gave me the contract. After a couple of days thinking about the offer I sent my signed contract to her. The deed was done and I became the third member of The Monitors. I met Paul and Donnie and since then we have been like a family, they are like brothers to me. Rachel on other hand was a different thing. We started our relationship almost 6 months ago, I was trying to write some lyrics for the album and she was there, approaching my desk so slowly, so seductive, she always had me on the edge of my seat with the teasing but that night things move forward, fast, there was kissing and touching, and making wild sex over the desk. It is always like that with her, so intense and rough, she is not a woman of many words, she just takes action. Neither cuddling nor hugging, it’s like satisfying a craving, a sexual crave in this case.  
That is what makes me so frustrated; I really don’t know what is going on between us, she wants me and I want her, but I don’t know if there is going to be more beyond the physical attraction. I have feelings for her but she just won’t let me get near her heart. I have the theory that this coldness of her has to do with her sisters, particularly Sarah. After I witnessed their encounter last night, I saw hurt in Rachel’s eyes when she crossed words with Sarah. I really don’t know what happened between them, just what Paul and Donnie told me, but they are in the dark as well, so I only have this feeling in my gut that all is because of those girls.  
And thinking about last night, I remembered the dreadlocked bassist, Cosima. I was thinking too much of her, which was odd because I was with an exact replica of her, Rachel. But they were complete opposites. While one seemed more in control the other was an explosion of movement. It was so weird, to be thinking about women who were no just sisters but rivals as well. Cosima, Cosima, Cosima, a name that evokes butterflies in my belly and a smile on my face. If only I could see her again, talk to her without being worried that Paul and Donnie might want to kill me for hanging out with the enemy, why not being friends? I really wish I could be friends with her.  
The alarm buzz makes me aware of the time “Merde”, its 9:00 already and I have to be at Rachel’s office at 10:00. Damn it. “Good time to be rambling in your thoughts Cormier” I take a quick shower, get dressed as lightning and get on my way to Dyad Records.  
___________________  
“Bloody hell Cosima!, tell me you didn’t slept with the wardrobe assistant” said Sarah furiously.  
“Shit Sarah, just chill okay, it was no big deal, she wanted some fun and I was there, so I provided” I explained sleepily.  
“Fuck Cosima, please stop getting involved with the personnel, that is not okay, yeah? I need you focused on the music, not the fans or our own people” said Sarah.  
"Yeah, got it, now let me go back to sleep”  
“You’re such a brat, Cos”   
“Yeah, I love you too”  
“Hello you two, glad you’re awake” Alison said “Fee called, we have to meet him at his loft at noon, it seems there is a big meeting so we have to be there on time”  
“Heard Cosima? ON TIME” added Sarah. 

“Great, today is the day we all bother Cosima, jesus fucking Christ” Sarah and Alison laughed at my comment.  
“Just call Beth to pick us up, so I don’t get the blame when we get late” And by the mention of Elizabeth Childs name, our bodyguard and friend, you could see Alison blushing like a fucking teenager, damn that was so cute.  
“Fine, just make sure you are ready Cosima” laughed Alison.  
“By the way, guess what I saw last night” Sarah asked, “Dear Probitch smacking her French drummer in the hall”  
I replied “What!?” with an intensity that kind of surprise me.  
“You sure? You know Rachel is someone who doesn’t mix business with pleasure” answered Alison.  
“Delphine and Rachel? That can’t be possible” I said more to myself than to the others. I don’t know why this put me in a bad mood, but I wasn’t happy to hear that kind of news.  
“I mean, she can do whatever she wants, it’s just that, it’s weird. I mean, we know our dear sister, so there must be something else going on” said Sarah with a pensive look. I knew my sister so well, I was conscious that our split with Rachel years ago hurt Sarah more than any of us, we never looked back, but deep in my soul I know Sarah it’s still hurting since then. Only God knows why.  
“Just let’s forget about it, okay. Like Alison said, Rachel can do what she wants. Besides the French…” “Delphine” I interrupted “…yeah Delphine, knows what she is doing as well” concluded Sarah. “And since when you know the French, Cos, I mean, Delphine” said Sarah “More like Del-Fine” joked Alison. “I saw The Boring-tors after I left Cosima in the dressing room, and I have to admit that the French is really good-looking, her beauty stands out among those two idiots of Donnie and Paul” finished Alison.  
“Yeah, It was embarrassing actually, I was hurrying to the stage and I bumped into her, she was kind enough to not kick my ass for being such a dork” “She is indeed Del-Fine, with those puppy eyes, those long legs, the blonde curls, the…” “Ok, stop Cos” interrupted Sarah “Don’t do it Cosima, stay away from Delphine, yeah?” “We already have enough problems with Rachel and The Monitors for you to start messing around with their drummer” said Alison.  
“Hey relax, I’m not planning anything, I’m just stating the obvs” I defended. But inside I knew I had to know more about Delphine, I wanted to see her, to hear her delicious accent, I had to see me reflected in her eyes. Oh man, I was in big trouble.  
_______________________  
“So, thank you for coming guys” said Rachel “Let me introduce you Mr. Aldous Leekie, he is the general manager of Neolution, one of the hottest venues to be and of course the promoter of The Battle of the Bands”  
“Hello, I’m glad to be here with you all” said Mr. Leekie “This time we want the best bands on stage and for that reason alone I spoke with Rachel about the possibilities of having you touring with us this year”  
“Woah, you mean you want us to be part of The Battle of the Bands? The Monitors?” expressed incredulously Donnie.  
“Fuck yes, count us in Mr. Leekie. Rachel sign that shit already” Paul said excitedly.  
“Great to have you on board, then. Rachel will give you the dates and all details regarding the tour” “Nice to meet you all” said Mr. Leekie while shaking each of our hands. “Rachel I’ll keep in touch to finish all the legal arrangements” “But of course, Aldous, I’ll call you back” And he left.  
“So what do you think? I mean, being among the top bands and performing in the same stage is truly an honor” stated Rachel.  
“That is incredible Rachel, you are a genius” Donnie commented and Paul added “This is a dream come true, guys I just can’t describe this feeling”.  
“This is a great opportunity. The tour includes promotion in various radio stations; we will be performing in Toronto, Los Angeles, Paris, London and Tokyo live. Also the promotion includes a spread on Rolling Stone and Spin magazine”  
“Incroyable, I am so happy Rach, we are going on tour boys” I managed to say, still in shock. “We are going to be together for what, 6 months? We can start working on the songs for the second album already, this is a great chance”  
“But of course Delphine” Rachel said while smiling a bit “it’s a great chance, BUT…”  
_______________________  
“YOU SAID WHAT FEE? ON TOUR WITH THE STUPID MONITORS?” retorted Sarah. “Sarah this is a great opportunity to get the name of the band out there, you know?” Felix answered back. “Well forget it Felix, I’m not staying near that asshole of Donnie for 6 months” Alison added. “Take it easy Alison, is not that we are going to be on the same room with them. It’s going to be fun” Felix said. “Aldous Leekie, the manager of Neolution approached me with the offer and I knew we had to accept”  
“You’re damn right” said Beth “I’m not letting those idiots bother you Ali, but you need to consider the good this is going to make for all of you and your careers”  
“I know Beth, thanks” answered shyly Alison.  
“Dude, we just have to approach this way more logically, I mean, we are getting a ton of cash, free promotion and more experience. This is a good deal if you ask me” I told them grinning like an idiot. I knew what this meant, I could see her every day, even talk to her; this is exactly what I was expecting. Let the Battle of the Bands begin.


	3. Elephant in the Room

The morning was really cold, I really wish I could have stayed longer in bed, with Rach, cuddling and enjoying our body heats, but as always she left as soon as I fell asleep last night. She never stays long enough; I wonder how I would feel if the first thing I saw in the morning was her. I’m always fantasizing making breakfast for us and just goofing around with her, taking a shower together, but so far, she hasn’t given me the chance.  
Today the group was meeting with Aldous Leekie at Neolution, the idea was to provide all participants with information for the upcoming tour and discuss the logistics. Even though we were excited to do the world tour, it was clear that there was some tension in the air as well, because it was obvious that our biggest musical competition was going to be there too, The Orphans.  
Everybody in the music industry knew that we don’t get along with them, it’s the big elephant in the room and the press tries to grab the tiniest thread of gossip to make a big fuss of it, and that is something that we couldn’t afford on the road, but only the heavens knew how we’re supposed to solve our differences. Things between my dear boys, Paul and Donnie, have been tense with Sarah, Alison and Cosima as far as I know, even before I joined the band, there always have been a complicated relationship among them; in the past there were fights among our bands, I recall that we were at an awards show after party, Donnie was going for drinks for me and Paul, and when he came back his shirt was all drench in punch, according to him Alison tripped him on purpose. Another bad situation that occurred among our bands, according to Art our bodyguard happened in Mrs. Siobhan Sadler’s birthday, she was the foster mother of Rachel, Sarah, Alison and Cosima. While Rachel, Paul and Donnie celebrated Mrs. S birthday, Paul bad mouthed Sarah, she got seriously pissed and she slapped him, he grabbed her by the arm and things started to escalate quickly into a brawl, la merde frappe le ventilateur, and Art had to intervene as well as The Orphans security Ms. Childs. I’m not sure if Arthur overdid the story, but it is clear that things were not okay, which I could ascertain after I finally met the girls the other night and their reactions towards my bandmates and vice versa well not the friendly type.  
Albeit things are difficult between the bands, I couldn’t deny I was excited, Paul and Donnie didn’t knew the things that Cosima Niehaus provoked in me, much less Rachel, but Cosima caused such an impression in me, she made me feel anxious and made me feel edgy, just like the nervousness that runs right before I start playing the drums in a show, that’s how she makes me feel. This was strange because I was not supposed to harbor this kind of feelings when I was with a wonderful sexy woman, even when this woman was sometimes distant, I cared about her. So whatever this is I’m feeling I should go for a friendly approach, nothing more, nothing less.  
________________________  
“Thank you all for coming, as I explained to Rachel and Felix this tour will be beneficial for all parties, the thing that remains is that all of you behave accordingly, all the eyes of the press will be not focusing on the music but on the stupid things that might occur” explained Mr. Leekie.  
“Aldous, you don’t have to worry about any of my team doing idiotic things to call the attention of the press” Rachel said making emphasis on the idiotic part. “Neither us” countered Mr. Dawkins  
“I trust that we are going to work as a team, no more Monitors and Orphans, in order to succeed we have to work as a unit, so I expect that both groups will interact in a friendly way”  
“You can count on that”  
“Cos, shut up”  
“Sarah, I’m just supporting what Leekie said, you know he’s right”  
I grinned at the interaction between the sisters, I couldn’t help but to steal glances once in a while to where they were seated, I pretended to pay attention to what was being said, but my focus was on the dreadlock rocker.  
“Felix, contain your bitches” spatted Paul  
“Bite me, asshole” replied dryly Sarah  
“And this is what we can’t afford on tour; do you have any idea the damage you will do if the press gets ahold of your problems? The gossiping will be more commented than your musical accomplishments, so get your shit together people!” scolded Mr. Leekie  
“I guarantee that we are going to be as civilized as possible with our…companions” Rachel said while looking each of us in the eye, making sure that we were going to comply with her orders.  
Suddenly Cosima rose from her chair and started walking towards us, well, towards me.  
“Hey Delphine”  
“Bonjour, Cosima”  
“Friends?” she extended her hand  
“oui, bien sûr” I took her hand and smiled like a fool.  
“All right then, unleash the doves” Mr. Dawkins said.  
Things calmed down again, so Mr. Leekie continued talking.  
“Now that everything is settled here you can look at the schedule, as you can see, this month will be full practice here at Neolution. The press conference for the tour will be held tomorrow so I’m going to need you Rachel and Felix to be present to answer the questions from the press. The ticket sale for the tour will be launched also tomorrow, by Saturday we hope to have concrete numbers of how it goes”  
“To avoid any inconvenience, I suggest that The Monitors start their practice from 6-8pm and we take the shift from 8-10pm” Mr. Dawkins pointed out. “Fine by me. If that’s all, we shall go now guys.” concluded Rachel.  
“So I’ll see you around?” said Cosima  
“certain” I replied  
“Delphine, would you mind join me for lunch? There are a few things that I would like to discuss, would you do me the honor?” asked Rachel, regardless of my conversation with Cosima.  
“le plaisir est pour moi, Rachel” I said smiling. I waved my goodbyes to the guys.  
“I got to go, Cosima” I kissed both her cheeks. “Sure, yeah”  
I left with Rachel but not without giving a last glance to my new friend. She had a small smile on her face, but Sarah, which was very close to her looked miserable.  
_________________  
“So, what exactly is the purpose of this meal, Rach?”  
“What? I can’t invite a gorgeous lady to a fancy meal?”  
I laughed, “You are such a charmer, aren’t you?”  
“I know that I’ve been neglecting you, Del” “This work requires much of my time, and having to manage you guys it’s demanding, considering the special attentions that I direct towards you, well, it’s chaotic. But still, I should do better”  
“Rachel, I just want you to give us a chance. We are all busy, but the few minutes that we can spare I wish they would mean something more to you”  
Rachel closed her eyes, like evoking memories from her past.  
I continued “I don’t expect us to be lovey dovey, but if you could show me that you care enough, I would fight for us Rachel, I swear that I would do whatever it took to keep you happy”  
“We can’t’ Sarah!” she suddenly said  
I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. My face was a sea of confusion, what did she meant by that?  
Rachel realized what she did, therefore, she change the subject immediately.  
“l’ll try harder, okay?” She grabbed my hand. “Now, would you like some wine?”  
_____________________  
And boy harder she tried. After lunch we went to my apartment and when I closed the door she was on me, kissing my neck, her hands one on my back the other on my neck, holding me so tight against her. We moved desperately seeking each other’s lips, pieces of clothes dropping everywhere until we reach my bed. There she pushed me and she was straddling me, looking me like if I was prey and she was about to devour me, which she actually did.  
_____________________  
“Bourbon and rocks” Sarah asked the bartender.  
“Coming up, miss”  
“So…what are you playing Cos?” “You and Delphine suddenly being best friends, I don’t buy it”  
“It’s true Sarah, I’m not conspiring to fuck this up, I know what it’s a stake, trust me”  
“Right, like when we trusted that you wouldn’t beat the crap out of Vic?”  
“Victor is a dick Sarah, he was going to publish that garbage anyway so why not beat him up?”  
“Yeah, good point. But seriously, for Rachel’s sake don’t blew this up, yeah?”  
“Probitch?, what the fuck Sarah? How many bourbons have you drink?”  
“You are misinterpreting me Cos, I meant that if you mess with Rachel, she have the means to hurt our careers, so better not piss her off”  
“I just want to make crazy music with her, besides it could be nice to have a friendly hand behind enemy lines”  
“I hope you are right”  
__________________________  
Morning came, and I was tired, but happy. Rachel laid by my side, sleeping so peacefully, her head resting between my breasts and I was holding her. I didn’t want to move to avoid waking her, because I knew with certainty that as soon as she was up, she was gone. I looked at her features and suddenly I started to imagine her, my dreadlock rocker, how it would feel to pull those dreads while kissing her neck, the way her skin would feel, would it be different as Rachel’s? Mon dieu, I probably shouldn’t be thinking about a friend, not this way, not when I have her sister in my bed.  
Movement.  
“Hey Del”  
“Bonjour Rach”  
“Jesus, what time is it?” She said while getting out of the bed  
“It’s early Rach, come back to bed, s'il vous plait?”  
“Gosh Delphine I can’t. Daniel is picking me up in 30 minutes. I have to be in the office at 8 am to prepare for the press conference” she came to me, and peck me on the lips. “After practice I’ll pick you up, ok?” and she went to take a shower.  
Right, practice meant one thing, that I probably would see Cosima, or at least I was crossing my fingers to meet her. Merde Cormier, this needs to stop, you can’t be thinking like that. I got up of bed and made coffee. Rachel came out impeccably dressed, as always, all business.  
“Would you accept at least a cup of coffee?” “Thank you Del, I really appreciate it” she took the cup and sip the hot liquid carefully, such elegant movements made me wonder. “It’s really strange that from all your sisters you ended being the posh. Weren’t you raised by the same person?” “No we weren’t, we were born in different countries raised by different people and by a twist of faith we ended in Mrs. S care, besides the type of people I used to hang out with was completely different from my sisters. Sarah was so rebellious, doing stupid things with her friends, she even got arrested a couple of times. Alison was more like a control freak, too obsessed to be perfect in front of her friends, especially that Aynsley Norris girl, and Cosima was much of a loner, if she wasn’t skyping with that weirdo Scott then hiding behind her books and pot. Each one of us took different paths so we ended being completely different” Rachel was a reserved person, particularly regarding her family, so it was nice that she share this much with me, it made me smile.  
“I wish I have seen you as a little girl, I bet you were really cute”  
“Cute? “ she laughed “I don’t think so, I was a bitch, still am; up yours Probitch, was the last thing Sarah said to me” she said with melancholy and her cellphone tone started to play, which meant that Daniel was here.  
“This was a lovely date, thank you; I shall take you out for dinner to a nice restaurant then”  
“De rien!” I hugged her and then she left.  
A date? Wow this is what I called improvement Delphine, still, there are things left hanging in the air, things that Rachel or any of her sisters won’t talk about, the big elephant in the room. But I also felt closer to them, to Rachel because she lower her guard and showed me a glimpse of her true self and to Cosima, because I learned that behind all that façade of super rock star there was a very lonely girl who needed a friend.


	4. Closer

The first week of practice went by peacefully, we went to Neolution, practiced and we left just as we previously agreed. The only moment when we saw each other was during the shift change at 8:00 pm, but all of us avoided a close encounter, we didn’t talk, we kept our distance, we just packed our things and left. So there were no incidents at all, Paul, Donnie and I were making great progress writing lyrics and prepping our show so I would say that the practice was going as expected. Although, things were going well I missed my dreadlock rocker, she just kept her distance from me, and just staring at each other from afar was all we did. Maybe because of her sisters, so I knew that this time I was the one who was supposed to make the approach.  
Things with Rachel were progressing, as far as I could tell, we went to dinner a couple of nights a week, we talked more about trivial things instead of work, there was plenty of sex; still she never lose control of her actions, of her feelings, everything that happened was because she allowed it, not because she was going to be swayed by her feelings. She was too careful of what she allowed me to see. I couldn’t pass her barriers, and I didn’t want to push too much either, in this manner the only way I was going to understand her, was through her sisters. And damn it to hell, that feat was going to be impossible.  
______________________  
“Jesus Del, you’re killing us!” I think Paul said  
STRUM-STRUM-STRUM-STRUM WAH WAH WAH WAAAAAAAH  
“Del, slow it down, the tempo is off” hmm I swear that was Donnie’s voice  
DIRNT-DIRNT-DIRNT-DIRNT-DIRNT  
RAP RAPPA DAP DAPPA RAT-TAT-T-T TAT-T RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT WHAM-M   
BRRUMM-TUM TUM DA BUM  
I kept playing so hard, so fast, like the beating of my heart, the way my lungs needed air by just looking at her, Cosima, drinking wine at the bar while we finished our practice. She looked back at me smiling. Mon dieu, I was glued to her stare, so hypnotized by those hazel eyes, I was so thirsty, my throat was dry just by looking at her, I felt pain in my hands, probably a blister for so much intensity I was putting into this performance, expressing with my beat what I probably would like to do to her…  
“FOR FUCKS SAKE DEL!!!” screamed Paul  
“quoi?” I said as I returned to reality  
“The beat was off, that was too fast, what the fuck is wrong with you today!?”  
“Seriously?”  
“Yeah we barely kept the pace Del” added Donnie  
“Ah, excusez-moi” I was, er, distracted  
“Noted” said Paul “We’re done for today anyway, so relax Del, you looked like you were in a very far away galaxy, so keep it cool”  
“I will”  
I got off the stage and went to the bar and asked for water, I sat beside Cosima.  
“Hey” she said.  
“Bonsoir, Cosima”  
“That was a killer beat, I think that tempo was great. I totes could have played that with you, too bad your bandmates can’t keep up with your pace” she said with a big grin on her face.  
I laughed “You are very very…”  
“Cheeky, the word you’re after is cheeky” interrupted her bodyguard Ms. Childs  
“Oui, you are very cheeky” I agreed  
“Anyway, sorry to interrupt, but it’s time for your practice Cos, Sarah and Ali are waiting”  
“Yeah, thanks Beth, I’ll be there in a couple of minutes. I need to take care of something first”  
“Fine, just don’t be too late” she said as she went away.  
Cosima went for her things and picked a small bag, she came back to me and grabbed my hand, which I didn’t noticed it was bleeding a bit.  
“You need to take care of this Ms. Cormier” she said while grabbing my hand and taking care of the small wound.  
“Merci beaucoup, Cosima. This was not necessary” I said while blushing  
“No big deal, I would do this for any…friend” she said in a husky voice.  
I didn’t notice how we ended being so close, she hold my hand between hers, she was standing so close to where I was seated so if I rise we would be one breath away of kissing. Her eyes were on me, so dark, so tempting. I looked at her lips, lips that I wanted to taste so badly, so I stood up. The height difference was more obvious with her than with Rachel, who always wore high heels. I just had to lean down and kiss her. She was moistening her lips, like inviting me to do it; I gulped and open barely my mouth. Everything was going on in slow motion; it was like we were enthralled by each other. I started to lean when  
“Bloody hell Cosima!, would you bring your arse to the stage now?” yelled Sarah  
We got startled by Sarah, quickly we took a proper distance, the moment so awkward between us, it was like we were doing something naughty and we got caught in the act.  
“Shit, Delphine I’m sorry I”  
“It’s ok, you have to go”  
Cosima smiled apologetically and went to her sisters up the stage.  
My cell started to ring  
“Allô!”  
“You still in Neolution, Delphine?”  
“Hi Rachel, yes I’m still here”  
“Good, Daniel will pick you up. See you in my loft”  
“Wait…” She hung up  
That was Rachel Duncan for you, her way or the highway. I looked once more to where The Orphans were practicing before I left.  
_________________________  
“That is incredible Rachel, sold out?”  
“Yes, I already told Paul and Donnie the news, which means that the pressure to excel is higher. The world wants to see The Monitors against The Orphans. The fanbase of both groups is big, and now going worldwide it’s bigger”  
“That is great news for sure”  
“Exactly, so that’s why I invited you to celebrate.”  
Rachel and I shared a nice dinner; as usual Rach didn’t spare any effort to impress. Very expensive food, with very expensive champagne, the conversation casual, but what I noticed was that the background music she selected was 90’s slow jams, which I never expected her to like.  
“Bump and Grind?” I asked curiously  
“Yes, my favorite”  
“How come you ended managing a group of rock instead of an R&B group?”  
“Because it makes me feel closer to” she stops abruptly mid-sentence. “Because why not? Dyad needs a variety of artists so a rock group was well suited for what we were looking for”  
“I see, very well” For some reason I swear to God she was going to say Sarah. Called it a hunch, but there is more than meets the eye between the sisters.   
After dinner we talk a little more and then the kissing began, first it was a slow dance of seduction, then a storm ravaging my senses. Her lips biting my neck so hard that I bet there was going to be left a mark. Her hands grabbing my hair, pulling me closer until our bodies were merged; her hunger was primal, like she needed to hurt to be able to feel something. Soon we were on bed, gasping for breath, humming in response to each other caresses, the ecstasy too much to handle until it was over.  
I looked at her limp body while I catch my breath; I started to wonder if Cosima’s body would feel the same. I remembered her hands while holding my bleeding hand, how she was so careful not to touch the blisters, and how she tended it. No, it wouldn’t be the same; Cosima would be tender, careful, and attentive, well I presume that would be the case. I mean, Rachel didn’t even notice my bandaged hand; she was too busy maintaining her composure to look beyond. I wish I could make Rachel lose control; make her helpless in my arms, surrendering to me, why I couldn’t elicit any reaction from her?  
RING-RING  
“Duncan”  
“Of course Aldous, I have all documents ready, see you at 10 pm”  
“Problems, Rach?”  
“No, just concluding the legal stuff before we leave for the tour, I have to go now Del, if you want to you can stay”  
“ne vous inquiétez pas, I can go back to my place”  
“Okay, see you around”  
_______________________  
The last days of practice went smoothly, and we were just a few days away from our presentation in Toronto. The band was really excited to start and to live this whole experience. Rachel had everything else ready, the wardrobe, the makeup, the hotel, she really was one of the best in this business, and she got things done.  
Cosima and I started to hang out more during practice, I stayed a bit longer and she started a bit late. Her sisters weren’t much happy about it, but they didn’t intervene, the same for Paul and Donnie. We were just showing that we could be friends to all of them, that there was nothing wrong in being with someone who shares your passions and ideas. We talk about food, music, books, and all the things that friends talk about. I couldn’t be happier to be with someone as smart and beautiful like her. A couple of days before the concert I invited her to the Toronto Theatre  
“Since it’s you who is buying the tickets the fair thing is let you choose the play as well Delphine”  
“je suis d'accord, but at least give me your opinion”  
“Would you pick Les Miserables or Once?”  
“Les Miserables must be really good, but I don’t know if you want to see French revolution all over again, my French drummer” she laughed in response. “What about Once?”  
“Well this musical is about an Irish musician and a Czech immigrant that are drawn together by their shared love of music. Over the course of one fateful week, an unexpected friendship and collaboration quickly evolves into a powerful but complicated love story”  
“That’s the one” she answered blushing “any similarity with reality is pure coincidence though”  
I laughed really hard at her comment, blushing as well. Things were just perfect.  
_______________________  
I was so nervous to go out with Cosima to the theatre, this wasn’t a date at all, but for some reason I felt pretty anxious, the adrenaline pumping in my veins. I wanted this to be the perfect evening. During the musical I kept sharing glances with her, laughing and enjoying the show, it felt so right, to have her by my side, to look at her and feel so complete, it was a scary sensation, a very welcome feeling but scary nonetheless. After the musical, I took her to a nice small diner where we drank wine and enjoyed a nice meal.  
“So did you like it, Cosima?”  
“Yeah, the songs were both heartwarming and heartbreaking. The two leads were fantastic.”  
“Oui, it was marvelous, I laughed and I cried, so many emotions. Good choice, Niehaus”  
“My pleasure”  
“So Delphine, I read your interview in Chartattack.com, it was interesting what you and your idiotic friends had to say. I’ll admit that I agreed with certain opinions regarding the musical aspects of the industry” - “Cosima, they are not idiotic, once you really get to know Paul and Donnie they can be trusted friends, they are very dear to me, I love them very much” - “Yeah you do” snarked Cosima “The thing that caught my attention was that when they asked about your relationship status you said single, aren’t you supposed to be with Rachel?” - “Sarah told you?” “Yeah, she made the comment weeks ago, besides the marks on your neck were kind of obvs. Not judging by the way.” I definitely was blushing, I did not want to hear about Cosima seeing Rachel’s marks over me, I thought I did a good job hiding them, merde. “Rachel and I are guessing what do we have, and she prefers to keep it under wraps, so…” Whatever, I was curious that’s all, you don’t have to explain me the details” she said in a serious way. “Shall we go back to the hotel? “ – “Of course”  
On our way out some paparazzi start snapping pictures and asking several questions, we were trying to make way, but with their harassment the task was difficult. Cosima stopped for a minute, a million questions were asked, she took her chance to say what she wanted, that cheeky girl.  
“Cosima is it true that there was a fight backstage with The Monitors?” “Were you arrested for drugs?” “Is it true that Paul and Sarah are having a relationship?”  
“BULLSHIT” she said with a cocky grin in her face “Guys, as a musician in this industry you know that I always say show, don’t tell, so if you are asking this stupid questions means that you are fishing for gossip, and I’m not into that kind of game” I was in complete awe at how she managed the press questions, her hands were moving everywhere, like all her words were translated by her hands, it was beautiful.  
“And as you can attest both bands are having an excellent relationship, or else why would I be hanging out with Delphine, one of the sickest drummers out there that belongs to our rival band? See?” And with that she grabbed my hand and run for it. The hotel was just around the corner so we ran as fast as we could and went straight to the lobby and right to our floor.  
“Uff, that was crazy but fun” I said gasping for air. “Yeah lets’ do it again” she answered smiling. “You are really a brat, don’t you?” – “You know me well”  
We stood in the hall in silence a couple of minutes, catching our breaths, I couldn’t stop smiling at her and it was really incredible how this night turned into a small adventure. I looked at her again and she was serious, it was like she was having a huge debate in her bright mind, thinking what to say or do next, when suddenly she says “it’s time we admit what this is really about” I looked at her puzzled, not getting what she meant, when she started to approach, she lifted her head and planted a kiss on my lips. I froze, totally shocked by the suddenness of all this, but my body reacted on its own and I kissed her back. Mon Dieu, what I was doing, abort Cormier abort now, I said to myself, so I grabbed her face delicately and broke the kiss “Oh God Delphine, I didn’t mean to disrespect” “No, no it’s okay. I got to go” I turned around and entered my room leaving Cosima alone in the hall.


	5. Pandora's Box

“Oh shit, what have I done?” I said staring at the empty hall, where just minutes ago I did the stupid thing to kiss Delphine, where the fuck is my self-control? You know that she is taken by none other than your bitch sister, Cos, so why on earth would you made a pass at her? For fuck’s sake, I blew it, any chance at friendship you just had to ruin it. I needed to clear my head, so I went back to my room.  
“Sweet Jesus!, what was that Cosima? asked Alison  
I panicked, did Alison knew?  
“What was what?” I said tentatively  
“Bullshit? That’s the first thing that comes out of your mouth?  
I laughed nervously “Oh the interview, it’s already on air?”  
“Damn right” Beth entered the room looking at me pissed off “You should have told me about your plans Cosima, my job here is to protect you, all of you. If you go out without my knowledge you’re putting yourself at risk”  
“Nothing happen Beth, I managed the press and I’m back in one piece”  
“Today, but who knows what might have occurred if you encountered some crazy fan out there or worst, so don’t pull that shit on me again. Understand?”  
“Yes ma’am” I said sarcastically “Anything else mom? I looked at Alison  
“Cosima seriously you need to be careful, we were worried” as always Alison made me feel like a stupid teen being scolded by my parents. She was the voice of reason, like a mom, and for that Sarah and I were grateful.  
“Sorry, okay? It won’t happen again. Good night”  
I went to my bed and just lay there. Rolling on the bed I wasn’t going to sleep for sure. I knew that I blew it; any chance of friendship with Delphine was out of the equation. Shit, you know she’s taken for fuck’s sake, with none other than your bitch sister Rachel. Things couldn’t be more messed up, but I couldn’t help it. How on earth could Rachel hide her relationship with Delphine? Such a beautiful creature hidden as something to be ashamed of. If she was mine, I would never let go of her hand, I would kiss her in every corner, I would hold her and whisper beautiful things while she fell asleep, I would make sure the whole world knew that she belongs to me. I sighed, there’s no expense in dreaming. And I needed a joint asap.  
______________________________  
Concert day arrived, we were done with sound check and now we were dressing and making up. I loved the feeling before any concert, it was almost as been baked, such pump of adrenaline made me feel so alive. I arrived late at the meet and greet with the fans, so I provided personalized autographs and pictures with all of the kids as an apology. And there she was, Delphine, smiling and talking with admirers, she looked so happy, it made me smile. I wanted to apologize again, but with all this fuss I don’t think it was the most appropriate moment.  
“All right, time to go to stage” Fee said “Thank you for coming to the concert guys, say your goodbye ladies we have to rock the house”  
____________________________  
“WHAT’S UP TORONTOOOOO!” Sarah shouted to the audience and the concert began.  
Two hours later and we were done. Exhausted, but really amazed by how great it was, the interaction between The Monitors and us even surprised me, when we went together on stage to thank the audience it felt like we’ve been friends forever, of course all it was faked, but at least we looked the part. Nothing more rewarding than the applause of the fans. A job well done.  
After getting ready to leave I went out looking for Delphine, I seriously needed to get this out of my chest, she had to hear that I was out of line, to see the reassurance in her brown eyes that everything was okay, so when I approached her dressing room her door opened and she came out. With Rachel. I retraced my steps and hid behind the wall, I didn’t want to be seen by them. They were whispering things to one another, so close, walking to the exit together, which meant that they were going to spend another night in the arms of the other. My breath started to falter, my chest ache so much, I closed my watery eyes on the verge of tears. God damn it, why this had to hurt so bad, I was an idiot if I really believed my own story of friendship, I didn’t want just to be friends, I wanted her, the woman, and she was with someone else, my fucking copy, which was ironic. It was like destiny was showing me the middle finger, to fuck off. It was ridiculous this whole situation, seriously, that Delphine was with a woman who was my biological imperative, and she didn’t feel anything for me. Granted, our personalities were what made us different, what distinguish us from one another, but what’s not to like about me? I could attract any other male or female, so why on earth, I couldn’t attract the only woman I have ever really liked?  
I took another look at the hall, they were gone. And so was I. I needed air; I needed to release this frustration somehow, with someone, so I went to Beth, who was with my sisters, just to keep my word and let her do her job.  
“Hey Beth, I’m not going back to the hotel yet”  
“What? Why? Are you okay?  
“Sure, I’m just going to get laid, Sarah told me to avoid co-workers and fans so I’m going clubbing tonight, care to join?”  
“Hell no; I’m taking Sarah and Ali back to the hotel, you keep your phone close and when you’re done you call me and I pick you up, just stay in one place”  
“Bloody Christ Cos, aren’t you exhausted?” wondered Sarah.  
“Don’t’ worry about me Sarah, I’ll be back soon”  
So I left the Air Canada Centre, took a cab and went to get some nookie tonight.  
___________________________  
I made it to a nice club and one of the security guys recognized me, I gave him a high five and my gratitude when he let me through, when you are a rock star and you get acknowledge it gives you some advantage over the regular customer, so I got into the VIP area; the music was pumping loud, the movements of people on the dance floor enjoying the music and forgetting their problems, just what I was looking for. I walked to the bar and grabbed a sit.  
“What can I do for…Aren’t you by any chance from The Orphans?”  
“Yeah, you know about us”  
“But of course; too bad I wasn’t able to go to the concert. I’m a big fan”  
“Cool man, nice to meet you, I’m Cosima”  
“Colin, eh, what do you want to drink Cosima?”  
“Whatever makes me forget, at least for a while dude”  
“You got it”  
“Colin, can you do me a huge favor?”  
“Yes, sure”  
“Can you call this number when you see that I’m so wasted that I won’t be able to get home? Ask for Beth” I gave him a 100 bill “For your trouble”  
“Right I will”  
So kept drinking, and enjoying the vibe of the club, after the third glass of whatever concoction Colin made I was brave enough to hit the dance floor. I move around, first by myself, then I got surrounded by some chicks, and I move closer to them, dancing to the beat, sweating like crazy; when DJ change the rhythm I returned to the bar, grabbed another drink and lit a joint.  
“Cosima, the lady on the corner sends her regards” uttered Colin  
I raised the glass in the direction of the blonde woman, I smiled and drank. She later came up to me. She was tall, but not as tall as her, straight blonde hair, blue eyes, porcelain skin. Yeah, I could deal with that.  
“Hey, thanks for the drink”  
“No problem. Are you here all by yourself?”  
“Yup, enjoying my company. How cool is that?” the girl giggled. We talk for a while; she looked hot, nice puppies, long legs, piercing blue eyes; not bad at all. We dance and drink the rest of the night.  
“So you want to be somewhere more…private?” the girl said “And here I was betting 20$ that you were gonna turn me down” she laughed again.  
We move to the bathroom and as soon as she closed the door I was on her, kissing her fiercely, my hands were inside her blouse, desperate for contact, my skin was burning with desire, but for other woman, only that didn’t matter, not anymore, I just wanted to take her and erase the memories that filled my mind. Delphine. I open my eyes and there she was, blonde hair, red lips, skin as white as milk, but something was off, her eyes were blue. That didn’t stop me, my hand was already inside her underwear, feeling her wetness; a moan escaped, so I continued my exploration, until I reached her spot and I caressed it, she trembled, I inserted my fingers and worked her ‘til she was about to come, I could feel her so close. I looked at her and kissed her senseless while I finished her off. I kissed her neck and whispered “Oh God Delphine” while catching my breath.  
“Angelique”  
“What?” I questioned the girl  
“My name, its Angelique not Delphine”  
“Of course, yeah” We composed ourselves; she kissed me and gave me her number. I returned to the bar and drowned the rest of my sorrows.

 

“Cosima, wake up” That sounded a lot like Beth  
“Hmmm, leave me alooooone”  
“Come here rocker monkey, up you go” I opened my eyes, everything was kinda blurry, but I recognized Beth  
“Heeeey Beth, yeeeer kinda late” I mumbled  
“Thanks for the call Colin” Beth shook the bartender’s hand.  
“Lean on me Cos, I need you to hold me tight” “That’s it, you’re doing great”  
Beth sighed “Jesus, what were you thinking Cosima, getting this drunk”  
“Wut, no, I’m as shober ash m’ gonna git” I slurred  
“Right. Get in there and drink this, this might sober you up a little before we get back to the hotel”  
Beth started the engine and we were on our way back.  
“Sorry about this mess”  
“Don’t worry, we all do stupid things, especially if it has to do with matters of the heart”  
“I don’t want to feel this anymore, Beth” I said sleepily  
“You’ll just have to find another way to cope”  
“Easiersaidthandone” the words tumbled out of my mouth  
_____________________________  
The ride back to the hotel was pretty fast, I was so tired and I really needed to rest; the car finally stopped “Merci, Daniel” “You’re welcome Ms. Cormier” I got off the car. I walk through the lobby, got on the lift and press my floor number. Wow, it was pretty late, almost 3:00 am. After the concert Rachel and I went to dinner to another fancy restaurant of her liking, we watch a movie at her flat about a doctor in a war or something like that, I couldn’t pay much attention when Rachel was teasing me so much, and in the end we had steamy sex on the couch. Little by little Rachel was letting me in, although there was a long way to go in this relationship, at least she was giving it a shot, yet, I was thinking about that kiss with Cosima. The way her soft lips caressed mine, the taste of wine so sweet, so brief but so intense, I just couldn’t forget something like that so easily.  
The doors finally opened and I resumed my walk to my room still puzzled about what to do, when I heard the other lift open and a familiar voice said “We’re almost there Cosima” I stopped on my tracks and turned my gaze. There was Ms. Childs with ma petite rocker, which looked completely trashed. She raised her face, pushed her glasses in position and looked at me.  
“Delphine…” she said  
“Hello, Cosima” I said with concern  
“Come on Cos, you need sleep” encouraged Beth the other woman to keep walking  
“I need to talk to her, leave me”  
“Cosima, you’re not in any condition…”  
“ LEAVE!” Cosima said angrily, she sighed and added “please, Beth”  
“Fine, if you need me just let me know” and with that Ms. Childs continued her path.  
“Cosima?” I got close to her  
“I’m sorry Delphine, for everything”  
The smell of liquor was strong; she reeked of weed and perfume, a woman’s perfume. That made me sick to my stomach, but I had no right to feel this way, not when I just slept with her sister a couple of hours ago “You don’t have to apologize, ma chérie “ I said touching her face softly, I looked her in the eyes, and I saw pain in them “You did nothing wrong, d’accord?” I gave her my most sympathetic smile “Everything is fine ma belle amie” She nodded in understanding.  
“Did she…did she treated you well?” she was holding the wall like she was on the verge of falling, so I positioned myself right on her side to give her support.  
“Qui?” I asked innocently, when I knew already to whom she was referring. “Rachel; I saw you two leave together after the show. Was she good to you?” she said while staring at my neck. My hand move instinctively to cover the hickey “She didn’t hurt me” I bit my lip and looked at her, she was hurting and that made me feel miserable, I wanted to make her feel better, so I said what was on my mind all this time.  
“I can’t stop thinking about that kiss” that caught her off guard  
“Like, like not in a bad way?”  
“Like, kisses have a spectrum. Kissing it’s one of the universal acts of showing love, the meaning can vary between being friends, family or lovers. Also depends on the culture from which they come, so the interpretation will depend on the intention of the giver and the response of the receiver”  
“That’s oddly romantic. Totally encouraging”  
We looked at each other, I licked my lips; how anyone could resist a stare like that? My hand was on her face, my thumb caressing her soft lips, she waited, she didn’t budge, and she was letting me make the move, to take the decision of what might probably change everything at all. I realized what I wanted, I wanted her. She simply opened my Pandora’s Box, I just had to let go, and I did.


	6. A Declaration of War

I took her face with both hands and I kissed her, hard and long, she kissed me back with the same intensity. My hands traveled to her back and neck, where I could pull her closer to me and she was holding me for dear life, we melted into each other’s embrace, I deepened the kiss, I used my tongue to savor her, my hands moved inside her sweater to feel her skin, so desperate for contact, our clothes felt heavier, our bodies asking for release.  
“SON OF A BITCH!” Startled, we broke the kiss.  
“What the hell are you doing, this needs to stop NOW” Sarah yelled. She was wearing a white tank top and white underwear, which meant that we probably wake her up.  
“Oi, don’t touch Cosima, you bitch” she came to me like a lioness, ready to kill me with her claws. She grabbed me by my clothes and pushed me to the wall. “I’m going to kick your willowy arse!”  
“Sarah wait, damn it, she didn’t do anything” Cosima pleaded  
Even though I was taller, the smaller woman intimidated me, her eyes full of rage, and her strength greater than mine.  
“What are you pretending, huh? What kind of sick game are you playing!?” She roared, and of course, with all the noise we were making it was a matter of time to have an audience.  
“Jesus, what the fuck is going on” Paul said half asleep.  
“Sarah, I don’t know what you mean”  
“The hell you do! What is this, an experiment to find which of my sisters is a better bang?”  
“Non!”  
“Woah, Manning let Delphine go”  
“Mind your own business Paul”  
“Del IS my business, Let. Her. Go”  
“Hey, show’s over!” Ms. Childs grabbed Sarah and moved her away from me “Let go Sarah, NOW” “Fine! you can release me now, I’m not doing anything” Ms. Childs loosened her grip on Sarah very slow.  
“Beth, take Cosima to her room, yeah?” she released her breath like she was holding it in for too long. “And you” she pointed at me “You better stay the fuck away from Cos, you already took Rachel from me, so leave my other sister alone” she whispered in a menacing voice, a threat. She returned to her room.  
Paul came to me and hugged me “You okay Del? What the hell happened?” I started to sob, I didn’t want to cry, not with Paul here, but I felt so horrible; Sarah was right, I was playing a dangerous game, caught between the feelings I had for two identical sisters. My head was a complete mess. “I’m so confused Paul, I don’t know what to do”  
“You know I’m here, as well as Donnie, you can talk to us, don’t forget about that. By the way, I can’t believe that with all the ruckus Donnie is still fast asleep, the end of the world might be going on and that motherfucker would still be sleeping like a baby. Lucky bastard.”  
And that’s why I loved Paul so much, he cheered me up whenever I felt sad, Donnie too. He kissed my head and went back to his room.  
I returned as well to my room, enough craziness for one day, I was exhausted and excited. I change into my sleepwear and remained in bed, lost in my thoughts.  
I knew that I had crossed a line, but the worst thing is that I didn’t regret it, now I had to really find where my heart truly was, with Rachel or Cosima. But seeing how things were between Sarah and me, that was going to be a hard task, being Sarah so protective of her family she wasn’t going to allow me get close to Cosima, not now, probably not ever. I needed to clear my situation with Rachel too, what were we? I cared for Rachel, I did, but do I loved her? What about Cosima? We just met like one month ago, how things can change so fast in such a short amount of time, what do I feel for her? “c'est des conneries!” I’m not a teenager anymore, why I’m behaving like this, I need to stop and get my shit together. Sleep and gather your strength, Delphine, because tomorrow you are going to need it…wait a second, did Sarah just said that I took her sister from her?  
___________________________  
The flight to Los Angeles was as tense as I imagined it would be. All of us were traveling in first class, which meant that we were going to be 5 long hours crammed in the same tight area, so close but so far away. The air felt heavy and the mood low. We were tired; some of us barely slept, and added to that, I was hung over. Sarah was beside me, like a babysitter; in the seats to our left were Beth and Alison, Delphine and Rachel were together in the first row, thereby I had no visual of her, which was a relieve and a punishment. I definitely didn’t want to see her with Rachel, but I missed her, just seeing her, made my heart skip a beat. One thing that I do remember perfectly, as clear as water was how she kissed me, that has to mean something and I don’t care what Sarah says, I have to pursuit this to the very end.  
“You should get some sleep, you look like crap Cos” Sarah assessed me  
“Yeah. Ditto. Obvs.”  
“Brat. But in all seriousness, what were you thinking? I told you to stay away from her. You can’t trust her”  
“I’m not a child Sarah, I can take my own decisions”  
“Clearly, but when it comes to women you are as clueless as Jon Snow”  
“Oh you’re pulling a Game of Thrones on me? who’s the geek now?” “Still, you know nothing, Cosima Niehaus” we laughed a little, releasing some of the stress we had. “Cos, you know I love you and I don’t want to see you hurt. Delphine’s dating Rachel, or whatever the hell they’re doing, so she is not available”  
“Look, if Delphine chooses Rachel, I’ll respect that, but don’t ask me to lay still when I know she feels something for me Sarah, I can feel it”  
“Shit, you’re not letting her go, aren’t you?”  
“Dude, I think you’re more worried about Rachel than me. You care for her a lot, you’ve always did, nevertheless you are so badass that you’ll never admit that”  
“Hell no, she betrayed us Cos, and you know what, I rather sleep than keep taking about this subject, yeah?” She rested her head on the window and closed her eyes. Sarah and Rachel have always had a love/hate relationship. Mrs. S adopted each one of us at different stages of our lives, the four of us started living together when we were 12; the surprise of finding three other girls that looked a lot like you and that our birthdays were just weeks apart was one of the weirdest mysteries ever, but it’s also what bonded us together; I think that being Sarah the one that had the most troubled childhood, while Rachel had the best upbringing, probably is what created some kind of friction between them. Sarah had all the freedom in the world to do what she wanted, Rachel had all the commodities that Sarah didn’t had access to, but she lacked the freedom. So things between them, since I remember, were always like that.  
Dude, why things had to be so complex? I looked to where Alison and Beth were sitting. They were talking about random stuff, but what caught my attention was the way in which Beth smiled back at Alison, so bright, so full of joy, so..in love. Shit, Beth was into Alison, now it made sense her pep talk when I was drunk, she talked from experience of course. She couldn’t tell what she felt for my sister, not when her job was to protect not just Alison’s life, but mine and Sarah’s. To keep staring at Alison one more second could mean risking our safety, now I get it. And Alison, probably has friendzoned Beth to avoid the vultures from the press, her perfect life would be tarnished if the press knew that she was involved with none other than her bodyguard, that headline would ruin her reputation and status as one of the good girls of rock. Holy watershed! Our lives were all fucked up, falling in love with the wrong person, it is like we, The Orphans, are condemned to stay like this, orphans.  
I was on the verge of falling asleep, when I saw Delphine getting up, probably to head to the restroom. I followed her with my gaze; she gave me a small smile in return. Sarah was sound asleep, Beth and Alison where into their talk and it seems that Rachel was busy with her laptop, this was a good sign; it was now or never. I waited, counting the seconds. After a couple of minutes, I stood up and followed her to the restroom. I checked my surroundings to make sure that no one was paying attention to what I was doing. I knocked softly the door “Hey, it’s me” I whispered. The door opened and as soon as I stepped in, she snaked around me and kissed me. She smelled of sunshine and chamomile, her soft skin enveloping me. I kissed her neck, and she purred, I kept working her neck, then moving into her jawline tracing soft kisses along it until I reached her lips again. One of her hands was caressing my back while the other was scraping my thigh, turbulence made us almost fall, Delphine hit her head “Shit, you okay”  
“Oui, just a small bump” More turbulence  
“Please remain in your seats, we will be passing through a zone with turbulence” said the stewardess. “We should get back” I said while gathering my breath.  
Delphine nodded. “Ok you go first; I’ll follow in a couple of minutes”  
She kissed me lightly “See you in LA, ma chérie” and she left. Gosh her french was such a turn on. I peeked out the door to check on her. Damn, who needed windows when the view of her alone was breathtaking, and don’t mention that booty, jesus fucking Christ, I wanted a piece of that ass sooner than later. After a while, I returned to my seat.  
“Where were you? Sarah looked at me inquisitively.  
“Washroom” I grabbed a magazine wile Sarah kept her questioning  
“For 15 minutes?” she narrowed her eyes, trying to see beyond my words  
“Hangover, remember? I puked aaaaaaall over the bathroom; I had to clean up my mess” I shrugged showing indifference  
“Yeah? because I saw Delphine like 5 minutes ago coming from the restrooms too”  
“I didn’t see her; she might have been using the other. Now can we stop the witch hunt?”  
She pierced me with her gaze, I continued feigning ignorance; she put her headphones again and the inquisition ended. Geez, Sarah was a freaking hound, you couldn’t hide many things from her, she was that cunning; I would have to keep it in my pants if I didn’t want to make Sarah more suspicious.  
_____________________________  
Dieu merci, we finally landed in Los Angeles. After that flight I just wanted to go the hotel and get in the bathtub. The concert was in two days, so our schedule was really tight, practice tomorrow and the concert the day after tomorrow, not much time to fool around, especially with certain petite femme, who in a matter of weeks had me pining for her. We went for our luggage and headed for our transport. It was nice to see some fans waiting for us, Art and Ms. Childs had already the security in position to avoid any unwanted situation, yet Paul, Donnie and I stopped quickly to take pictures and sign autographs. The crowd went insane when The Orphans came out, those girls were really popular, Cosima in particular. The fans screamed her name, told her how they loved her, there were some marriage proposals, she smiled and acted so cool, she really was a chick magnet and it was a fact that she could have any girl in the world. That notion made me feel insecure; just the thought of her being with anyone but me, stirring uncertainty in my heart, especially when we weren’t an asset, yet. I knew that I had to clear my situation with Rachel, come clean about Cosima and me, to try to shed light to the cloud of confusion that was my mind, to discover who was really in my heart. “That’s enough guys, please stand back” said Ms. Childs with an authoritative voice to allow Cosima to keep moving forward and into the bus tour.  
We arrived at the hotel and instead of getting the bathtub I was hoping, we went immediately to attend the press in the conference room.  
“Welcome dear friends of the press, my name is Rachel Duncan, manager of The Monitors, we would really appreciate if your questions are concise being that the band arrived and they are really tired” We answered questions regarding our experience so far on tour, our debut album Monitors, plans for our next musical project, others asked about the success and acceptance of our singles: Subject, Double Blind and Promise me she’ll be safe; reporters of the showbiz world tried to get info on personal life details, our likes and dislikes, favorite food, and of course romance.  
“All right then, I’m Felix, manager of The Orphans”  
“Music coach” Alison quickly added  
“Gay friend” Concluded Mr. Dawkins  
With that they had the press in their pockets; their success wasn’t just for their music, but for the charisma that radiated from all of them.  
“Welcome home Cosima, are you visiting your hometown?” That called my attention, I didn’t know anything about Cosima’s past. “I wish I had time to go to San Fran, but we have a tight agenda. Anyway, Scott if you are seeing this, you still owe me $20 asshole” more laughs from the press. They answered more questions regarding their album and number one hit Orphan Black, song that I secretly loved, they share some funny stories of their previous experiences on tour and, of course, the inevitable questions that showbiz required. “Ladies, how does it feel to work side by side with your sister Rachel?” “This is just like another job mate, she does her part we do ours, so no big deal” Sarah said plainly. “These two groups are known for the fierce competition in the musical stage, is there any tension between you?” “Competition is good, it makes us stride for the better” Donnie answered, “We will battle these guys fair and square, on the stage, what we want is for the audience to really enjoy our show” Alison added, while looking at Donnie, it was like a challenge accepted q&a contest between the groups now. “It’s all about teamwork” Paul continued, Sarah nodded in agreement “Yeah, teamwork” “exactement, we give advice to each other, we feel very connected with one another it’s almost…ah” that was the problem with being a non-native speaker, sometimes words just eluded me “it’s almost…” “Orgasmic” Cosima replied bluntly, I turned to look at her with my eyes wide open, I blushed instantly. There were a couple of gasps in the audience, some other laughed, anyhow she didn’t gave a damn about being a smart-ass, she was grinning like a big dork.  
“Thank you, that concludes our session; see you at the concert” Rachel said quickly, trying to hide her embarrassment. Our bodyguard escorted us to our respective room, where we finally were able to relax.  
________________________  
After a quick nap, I finally immerse myself in the tub, the hot water soothing my muscles and the bubbles relaxing me, I leaned my head in a towel and closed my eyes, I breathed slowly, trying to relax completely, until erotic images and fantasies of Cosima invaded the peace of my mind “Orgasmic. Oh merde” I sighed; now I’m having this dirty thoughts because I’m craving her touch, between my legs, over my breasts, everywhere. And I thought of Rachel, how she touched me, the way in which she covered my body with her kisses, her nails digging in my back. Will sex with Cosima will be rough as well? Damn, I needed to stop doing these comparisons, Rachel was Rachel and Cosima was Cosima, and I was desperate to sleep with the latter, I didn’t want to do it for curiosity, no, I really wanted to be with her, for the person she is, for the feelings I keep inside for her.  
“Delphine?” Merde that was Rachel “un moment, I’ll be there in a minute” I quickly rinsed my body, got out of the bathtub and I put on a robe.  
“Hi, Del” she smiled  
“Bonsoir, Rachel” she walked towards me and peck me on the lips. “So, how are you feeling after the flight?” “bien meilleur”  
“I was thinking that maybe you would like to have dinner with me? “ “Ah, I’m not in the mood to go to the restaurant Rach” “Oh well, then room service and a movie flick, what do you say?”  
It was now or never, I couldn’t keep doing this, I had to come clean to her, she deserved it after all we’ve been through.  
“Rachel we need to talk” I said with a worried face “What is it dear?” I didn’t knew how to start or what to say that wasn’t hurtful, but I owed this to her.  
“I kissed Cosima” there I said it; my heart was beating so fast. One, two, three seconds passed. Rachel had a stern face; I waited until she finally said “You did” I nodded “a couple of times” and I gulped. She walked to the nearest table and sat; she crossed her legs and looked at me “she’s a tease. You should already know that Del. Cosima is a free spirit, she will do as she pleases” Rachel continued in a composed manner “Of course you’re going to kiss her, who wouldn’t. And rightly, she would be attracted to you Delphine, you are a gorgeous woman.” “I don’t think this is a hoax on her part, this feels real” “Delphine, if you think she is serious, then by all means go for it. I care about you so much; I just want you to be happy, but I also know that after she finishes with you, you will be destroyed” “She never would do that!” “Del, you don’t know her as much as I do. Besides anything she does, I can do better” she rose from the chair and stop inches from me “Tell me how does she kisses you, like this?” she started to kiss me “or like this” she continued her demonstration “hmmm, maybe like this” and a moaned escaped from my throat “yes, just like this” and she unleashed her attack on my lips, my neck, conquering my body slowly, relentlessly, she pushed me to the bed, open my robe oh so slowly and she made me climax like never before.  
_______________________  
I’m sorry Del, I can’t let you go just yet, I’m not relenting you to Cosima, not for now, not until I have accomplished my revenge. I kissed Delphine on the forehead “Good night babe” I whispered in her ear, before I left her bed. I dressed the best I could in the dark, and left her room; while I closed the door I heard some voices in the hall. Familiar voices.  
“Bloody hell, Cosima that’s disgus…ting” Sarah finished, stopping in the middle of her pathway and locking eyes with mine.  
Cosima just stared, speechless.  
“Evening dear sisters. Are you enjoying the commodities of this hotel? I certainly am” I said with a smirk.  
“Shit…Fuck my life” Cosima went her way faster than a bullet.  
“Damn it Cosima,, wait! Shite!” Sarah grabbed her hair in exasperation  
I walked towards her, crossing in her path, she looked at me with anger, just the way I liked it. I stopped right in front of her, just a breath away “You and I will come to terms Sarah Manning, I swear to God” and I kept walking knowing that I just had declared war to her. I felt her stare burning the back of my skull. I smiled in pleasure. This is what I loved about her, it made my heart sing.  
“I don’t see nothing wroooooooooong with a little bump and grind…”


	7. Kiss Me, kill Me

I opened my eyes, feeling fully rested and relaxed, it was such a good night, the morning light entering through the curtains, I yawned, I really didn’t want to get out of bed; I started to stretch trying to wake up my body – Merde! I recalled last night, Rachel, me; Jesus! I told her about me and Cosima, she dismissed it, and I, we, slept together. She was so different last night, Rachel, the cold business woman and the angry hot lover was my default description of her behavior, but last night she was kind of like Cosima, more attentive, sweet, mon dieu!, what on earth is going on with me. How is it possible that I just can’t decide between the two sisters? I’m an adult who is capable of taking decisions and acting responsibly, but here I am, naked on the bed, without a clue of what I should do. But Rach has a point, Cosima is a player, you know it. But will she change for me? How can I reach a conclusion about me and Cosima when I just met her a month ago? We just went out once and we had shared a couple of passionate kisses. I’ve known Rachel for two years and we have been together in a sort of secrete relationship for 7 months. Gosh, is Rachel right again? That I’m just dazzled by the sexual powers of seduction of Cosima Niehaus? How is that possible? When my breath falters just by seeing her and my heart beats like crazy when we kiss, this is not me being just blinded by her charms; this is… what is this Delphine?  
I showered and went to join my bandmates for early morning practice; we had a concert to perform so it was important to keep all the aspects of the show properly rehearsed. We were playing for an hour when The Orphans arrived. The motions were simple, one group rehearsed first, then the other followed; the idea was to keep us apart to void the usual bickering. I walked down the stage to grab my bottle of water, when I saw Cosima, I waved at her but she just ignored me.  
“Problems with your BFF?” said Paul while drying his sweat “No, I don’t think so” or at least that’s what I thought. I was going to approach her to see what bothered her, because it was written all over her face, she was mad. See you in a bit guys, I’ll stay around for a while.  
I walked to where the sisters where checking their instruments, so I could speak with Cosima. They were testing the mics, cables and connections to their instruments.  
“Hey, Cosima”   
Hi” she answered dryly  
“Are you okay?”  
“Fine, just busy, so if you don’t mind I have work to do”  
“Right” and I was dismissed, just like that.  
“Delphine, there you are” Rachel was coming near me  
“I asked the boys about you and they told me you stayed here” She pulled me closer and kissed me “I didn’t close my eyes from the shock; she has never, ever, kissed me in front of prying eyes. She looked at her sisters on stag “Morning sisters. Cosima how are you feeling today? You didn’t seem well last night”  
“She is fine Rachel, thank you for asking” replied Sarah defensively.  
“Good to hear, what about you Sarah? Did you sleep well?”  
“Like a baby” Sarah grabbed her guitar and on cue started to play, desperate, like releasing her stress with every note.  
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOWAHWAHWAHWAHWAHWAAAAAAAAHWAAAAAAAAAAAHWAAAAAAAH  
DUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDAAAAAAAAANWOWOWOWOWOWAAAAAAAAA QUOAR QUOAR QUOAAAAAAAR WAAAAAAAAAAH WAH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH WAH WAH QUOAaaaaar  
“THIS SOUNDS LIKE SHIT” and Sarah threw her guitar  
“Sarah! what the hell?” Alison said.  
Rachel had a small smile playing on her face “Let’s go Del, I want to grab lunch with you and the boys, it’s important” I followed here giving one last look at Cosima.  
On our way back I asked Rachel about the weird exchange of words between her and Sarah “What happened last night? Is Cosima sick?”  
“Doesn’t seem like it. I saw them right when I left your room, so I said hello. She looked a little pale, but nothing to worry about”  
“I see” - Merde, that explains it all, Cosima saw Rachel leave my room, after we…oh no.   
How I was going to justify my actions to Cosima, when we weren’t together, I was with Rachel, but if she is indeed mad because of that, then that means that she cares, jealousy maybe? I had to find out, but not now, I had to let her cool her head first.

 

The night of the concert arrived, we were again so pumped to perform in front of another sold out show, which made us feel simply grateful for the huge opportunity that this was doing for our band. I was in the dressing room with Paul and Donnie. We were reviewing again the order of the songs, the motions that we were going to perform, in general all the things that had to go perfect. However my mind was still thinking on Cosima, desperate for a chance to speak to her, but when we were surrounded by the staff all the time it was quite difficult, still I am talking to her tonight, that was something I would not stop trying until I did. My mind was visualizing all the possibilities of said conversation with Cosima when Rachel entered, she greeted me with a kiss  
“Hope things go smoothly tonight boys” Paul and Donnie where static, they didn’t knew about me and Rach, so that was a surprise.  
“Oh, right guys, Del and I are dating now so I hope that doesn’t affect our relationship”  
“No, no at all, it’s just that, well, we knew you two were close but not that close” Paul said laughing  
“Nice” and Donnie high fived Paul, I rolled my eyes.  
“Great, just a heads up that I’ll be heading now to Tokyo to have all things ready with Felix when you arrive. Good luck with the show” she kissed me once more and waved her good byes.  
Rachel was a box full of surprises, in the last days few days she has become more opened with our relationship than in the past months, which was something that pleased me very much, only now I didn’t felt that excited anymore. That got me thinking, I felt attracted to Rachel in a physical way, but my feelings for her were not the same, they changed already, they were now aimed towards another girl, Cosima. I smiled at the realization.

The Orphans were done playing their first set of songs, so now was our turn. I was moving as quickly as I could, it was important that I talked to her, and there she was coming, her face glowing from the sweat, smiling while discussing something with Alison, until she saw me. Her smile transform into a thin line on her face.  
“Cosima please, listen to me”  
“You have to go right on stage Delphine”  
“Give me two minutes” I pleaded, she stayed were she was so she gave me what I asked for, time.  
“Look, the thing with Rachel I know that I have to clear that”  
“You don’t have to make any choice Delphine; you and me, it’s nothing”  
“Cosima no! just listen”  
“Don’t go there Delphine, just, don’t”  
“Del come on” Donnie called for me  
“J'en ai rien à foutre, Donnie” I yelled  
“Del, let’s go” Paul grabbed my arm and pull me to the stage  
“God damn it” I hit the wall in total frustration.  
I was the first one that noticed my horrible performance, I was there but I wasn’t, my mind was split between my job and the pain I felt. I wasn’t as connected with the audience as the previous presentations, I sang but my heart wasn’t into it. Paul and Donnie carried the show on their shoulders; they knew I wasn’t top tonight. Last song of our repertoire I Didn’t Want to Fall for You, just what I needed, for some reason this song now had all the sense in the world to me, and in that moment I wished that she was listening,  
[Paul]  
I didn’t want to fall for you  
I wasn’t supposed to, but I have  
[Delphine]  
This is not a lie, it’s not possible  
Because you feel it…  
And so our turn ended and that was it, our time in L.A. was over. The crowd was screaming for some more, we bowed to the audience and left the stage, just when I was going back to the dressing rooms I heard that the crowd went wild and I heard her voice

“What’s up L.A.? because you have been so awesome tonight Sarah, Alison and I want to play for you one more song from Sarah’s favorite band, I hope you dig our cover song. This is my reply to you”  
[Sarah]  
Darling you gotta let me know  
Should I stay or should I go?  
If you say that you are mine  
I’ll be here ‘til the end of time  
So you got to let me know  
Should I stay or should I go?

It’s always tease, tease, tease  
You’re happy when I’m on my knees  
One day is fine, the next it’s black  
So if you want me off your back  
Well come on and let me know…  
Mon dieu, they were singing The Clash, Should I Stay or Should I Go such a classic, and they were doing such a fine job, but what made me have butterflies in my stomach was the fact that Cosima was answering me through a song, gosh, she was such a big dork. And that meant that she was watching me during my show; and now I was blushing like a teenager, particularly for the main reason that she made her sisters play that for me.  
When they were done, they said their goodbyes to the crowd and came down off the stage. I was waiting at the side of the stairs, so when she popped into my eyesight, I immediately blushed and smiled, she saw me and she smile sheepishly in return, when we were face to face I just said “stay” she smiled with the biggest grin I have seen, and she went back with her sisters.  
If this wasn’t love, then I didn’t know what it was.

 

The trip to Tokyo was horribly grueling; add to that the jet lag. Here, we were going to stay a bit longer, two weeks in Tokyo, to promote the show, visit radio stations and meeting with the fans. The rest of the month we were going to be moving around Seoul, Hong Kong, Kuala Lumpur, Sydney and Melbourne. It was going to be a really crazy two month tour, but nonetheless exciting. It was my first time in Asia and I was more than happy to enjoy my time here. In truth, what kept me more than motivated was the fact that Cosima was going to wait for me; she was going to stay close to me until I definitely fixed my status relationship with Rachel. I was so relieved for that, knowing that she did care about me.  
Of course, nothing was ever easy; Rachel was doing so many unusual things lately. During the press conference she confessed that I was dating her, which came so out of nowhere. Certainly, the first thing published the next day in the showbiz section of the magazines was the headline Sorry guys, the French is taken. This converted any possibility to be with Cosima into a minimum, now the cameras where going to be trying to follow me and Rachel wherever we went, and if they found out about the recent development of events between the bassist of The Orphans and me, hell, the media frenzy would be unstoppable and the tour would be turned into a circus, exactly what Mr. Leekie warned us about. I had my hands tied, I couldn’t ruin this, not when things were going so well for the bands, obtaining new sponsors, new covers for prestigious magazines; it was a delicate situation, alas the fear to be caught staring too long, or stealing a kiss or holding her hand. So no, I wasn’t glad that I was one of the fans favorites, since that meant more prying eyes in my personal life.

 

“Rachel, why the sudden change? In the last weeks on tour you’ve been more open regarding our relationship and sharing personal information with the press than ever, its nuts” I asked her while having dinner.  
“This is what you wanted, to the world to know about us Del. I told you I was going to do better, this is me trying my best” she kept drinking her wine, unfazed. She never showed discomfort when we talked about this topic, she was always the business woman, coldly measuring her response, careful of what she said, always in control, except when I brought into the conversation Sarah Manning.  
“It feels more forced to me Rachel; yes, I wanted you to be more affectionate with me, but you are not more loving you just are showing us off” I said in exasperation “Why can’t you see it Rach, I mean, have you ever really stop to think about what you feel for me?” that got her thinking, I had to push her a little bit more, I needed a reaction from her, anything.  
“Is it because of Cosima?” she inquired. “Non! This is about us Rachel, you and me, forget about Cosima. Have you ever loved me?”  
“Why are you doubting my feelings, haven’t I prove myself to you already?” I was really getting angry and frustrated “Criss de calice de tabarnac d'osti de sacrament! Hear yourself Rachel, you never answer with a yes or no, always a question, and God forbid mentioning the L word. You are still unknown to me, I have no idea who you really are, you don’t talk about yourself or your past, it’s like a big secret of yours, something you are guarding, and I’m almost sure that all of this has to do with Sarah Manning!” BOOM it was the sound I imagined while saying that name, and it elicit the reaction from her that I could never achieve. Her hazel eyes became dark, she was frowning and her voice was so menacing, that gave me the shivers.  
“That’s none of your business; this has nothing to do with her. Don’t you ever bring that topic again” Her cold mask was again in place, her composure returned “You want to break up, that’s fine, but I know I will have to tell you I told you so” She stood up from the table and left.  
_____________________  
Oh well, this situation requires a new plan, I wasn’t expecting for Delphine to stand against me. I went back to the hotel while thinking what new strategy I had to put to use, my revenge was going to be slowly and painful, I had to prepare everything in accordance to make it work; this little setback wasn’t going to derail me from my plan.  
When in the hotel, I returned to my suite to find standing on the door, my sweet nemesis, Sarah Manning, my stubborn, rebellious sister.  
“Well, well, well, look what we have here. Don’t tell me you got lost?”  
Mmmfhhh she laughed “I wished”  
“And where’s your bodyguard, Elizabeth?” “Out, with Alison and Cosima”  
“Oh, so you’re alone”  
“We need to talk” she cut in  
“But of course, come in” I let her through the door and into the small office. I sat at one end of the desk, I joined my hands over the desk and crossed my legs; she sat as well, legs apart, hands fidgeting with whatever object she found over her side of the desk. I waited for her to start the conversation.  
“Why are you doing this?” she asked  
“No beating around the bushes, then. Doing what?”  
“Don’t play fool with me bitch, stop messing around with Cosima. I know that all this shite your doing is to hurt her”  
“But what do I gain by that? I was just trying to improve my relationship with Delphine, too bad that Cosima fell for my drummer”  
“That’s bullshit, come on Rachel, it’s only you and me here” Sarah stood up and leaned on the desk. I started to pace around the room trying to organize my thoughts, the tension in the room could be cut with a knife, I needed myself in control. I wasn’t going to lose to her.  
“Cosima hasn’t done anything to you, leave her out of whatever shit your planning, yeah?”  
“Trust me, I really didn’t wanted to do this to our sister” I said regretfully  
“Then stop fucking her”  
“That’s where you’re wrong Sarah, the only one I want to fuck is you” she locked eyes with me, so angry, so pissed off.  
“Then what are you waiting for, do it, leave Cosima alone!” I started to approach her, ever so slowly   
That would be easy; I want to tear you inch by inch. You are tough as nails, strong, you can protect yourself pretty well, after all you are a survivor, however, if I touch the people around you, the ones that you care the most, that will tear you to pieces, and there’s nothing you can do about it”  
“Bloody hell, you really thought about this, she is your sister!” she looked so hurt, in pain, angry. She looked me in the eyes; we were feet apart, her breath ragged, her eyes turning dark, with hate and lust.  
“I will make you pay for my tears, my pain, my sorrow, you betrayed me Sarah, I gave you my heart and you broke it into pieces. Now there is nothing left inside me, just a dark whole filled with hatred” I kissed her hard, pouring all my hate, my frustration into that kiss, of course, Sarah was like me, damaged, that’s the pull that brought me to her in the first place, she matched me in all aspects of life, her kiss so angry, fierce, but passionate, she bit my lip so hard that she drew blood from it, she broke the kiss and pushed me away. She cleaned her mouth with her hand, trying to erase what just happened, she was out of breath, like me. One more look between us and she walked away from me, again. I touched my lip and saw blood in my fingertips, I smiled in utter satisfaction.  
I went for my cellphone, dialed a number and waited…finally a response  
“Hallo? Katjia? Guten tag ist Rachel”  
“Ich bin gut, danke. haben Sie Zeit für ein Gespräch?”  
“ausgezeichnet…”


	8. Sexual Selection

After the incredibly tour on Asia/Asia Pacific, now it was time for the Battle of the Bands tour to reach Europe, our next stop Berlin, Germany. I’m not going to deny that even though I was enjoying this whole trip, I was starting to feel the exhaustion of the nonstop press conferences, demanding fans everywhere, the flying from airport to airport, the days without sleep, it was hard, three months already and we were just halfway through, we had yet to go to Berlin, Hamburg, Stuttgart, Paris, Marseille, Rome, Madrid, Lisbon and London. So there was a lot of work to be done. The guys and I have been working as well composing the new record, and we had little time to do something on our own.  
Besides that, my personal life was driving me crazy, I split from Rachel a month ago, after all the ruckus to hide our relationship she suddenly announced it to the whole world; didn’t matter how much I hoped that she was going to be more open with me, she remained being a closed book, I couldn’t continue a relationship where one of the parties wouldn’t commit, so I left. In the meantime Cosima waited for me, after all the problems with her sisters and confusion she generated in my mind, I finally open my eyes and uncover the truth of my feelings, I was in love with her. Of course, me being so insecure, I had to approach this carefully, Cosima was as popular as ever, and yes, she was a womanizer, she never had any attachments as far as I recalled, so it scared me to be played, to be hurt by someone who now could rip my heart, due to the intensity of the few kisses we shared, I was more than clear that the physical attraction was there, but her heart?, was she going to give it to me or to deny it, just like Rachel did? Those thoughts scare me to hell.  
When we finally landed on Berlin, the first thing we did was go to the hotel. There, I relaxed in the bathtub for a while, took a nap and got up to meet the boys and Rach.  
“So I have arrange a special gig for us exclusively with one of the most important promoters here in Europe” Rachel explained and added “It’s important that during the meeting you give a good impression for future references”  
“But, what about The Orphans? Aren’t we supposed to be under contract to promote both groups?” I asked  
“Aldous will promote both bands as in The Battle of the Bands tour, meaning that we are only under contract to work as a team in the places established by him, this has nothing to do with that, this is Monitors business, in a different venue, so just because now one of my band members is sleeping with the enemy doesn’t mean that I’m required to share the rest” Rachel answered sharply “Now that all is clear meet me tonight at Wiener Str. 20 at 10:00pm” and she left.  
“Ouch, that was harsh man” said Donnie.  
“Shut up Donnie; I do hope things get better between you two Del, but really, are you and Niehaus, you know…?” Paul looked at me quizzically.  
“Non, there are things I need to clear before engaging in a relationship with her. However, it’s something I want to pursuit. Sorry if this makes things awkward between us guys”  
“Delphine, we are here for you, okay? Whatever you decide, even if it means shagging one of the damn Orphans, we’ll have your back” Paul said so reassuringly, his words made my heart sang of happiness, it was good to feel protected by the men who were like brothers to me.  
The rest of the day we kept working writing the lyrics of our new musical project, for me, this was like a cleanse of the soul, where I could pour all my feelings into the lyrics and free myself of its weight. The problem was that all I was writing was about a dreadlock chick, whose lips I want to kiss, therefor I wasn’t progressing much. Lucky me it was about time to meet with Rachel at the club to meet with her contact.  
____________________  
At ten o’ clock my band arrived, it was good to work with such amazing people, too bad I was going to ruin in the process my poor Delphine, such a sweet loving girl. A woman so worth of love, the downside was that I could ever have loved her, not like she deserved, the time she and I shared together was precious, she provided me of excitement, of pleasure, but never love, not when in my mind and soul there was only one woman, one name, Sarah Manning, my sister. In this plot to finish Sarah I had to use all the means to destroy her, and if I had to go over Delphine and Cosima to reach my goal, then I would gladly do it.  
“You are all here, as timely as ever. Please come in, my friend is waiting inside the club.” I greeted them and led the way inside. The club was really popular for their alternative/punk bands, so it was a great deal to showcase my group, it was a plus that this was also part of my scheme to rip Sarah’s soul forever. We went up a flight of stairs, to the VIP area, the bar was full and the people were dancing at the rhythm of the music the DJ was playing, I looked around for Art, our security chief, to make sure the area was secure, walking a couple more steps I finally found him.  
“Arthur is everything all right?” “Yes, Ms. Duncan, you may proceed” he gestured towards the door near us. We walked through the door and I spotted the person I was looking for, I went straight to the table to greet her.  
“Katja! Lange nicht gesehen” I kissed her cheek and shook her hand.  
“ebenfalls Rachel” she greeted me in response  
“Katja, these are the guys I told you about. This is Paul Dierden, Donald Hendrix and Delphine Cormier” All of them greeted her as well  
“I’m Katja Obinger, please a grab a seat” Katja said with a thick accent. She continued “I’ve heard your music, is really good, I would like you to play in a couple of days in the club for a special event I have organized, you are welcome to come here anytime, I’ll leave instructions to security, so you have free pass during your stay”  
“That’s very thoughtful Katja, well boys and girl, go have some fun while I close the deal here with Katja, will you?, drinks on me” I said to my band. They rose up “Thank you Ms. Obinger, it is a pleasure to meet you and I guarantee that you’re not going to regret selecting us” Paul said before he waved his goodbyes with Donnie and Del.  
When they were a distance away to eavesdrop I resumed my real conversation with the German.  
“So how are you feeling? Last I heard you were pretty sick” I asked  
“Ja, ich bin mit Gesundheitsfragen. I went to hospital but so far they don’t know what it is wrong, some strange lung disease I have”  
“Sorry to hear that. Now returning to our previous chat, can you get me what I asked?”  
“natürlich, aber das wird Sie kosten. Are you sure you want to do it?”  
“Yes, I need it to complete my task. Also, don’t forget to leak the footage.”  
“How are you so sure that the blonde is going to invite your sister here?”  
“I know her, she will want to spend some quality time with Cosima, and now that you have opened the door to enjoy a nice, private place, she will take the chance. What she doesn’t know is that their little secret will be exposed”  
“That would bring a negative impact to your band, which might be counterproductive” Katja added with concern  
“The press will focus on Cosima, she is the most popular member of The Orphans, and being that famous with her previous scandals will be what will attract the press. Especially if it’s a story that involves a love triangle between two sisters, press loves that.”  
“Verdammt, that is really twisted Rachel, you sure?”  
“Positive Katja, just get me what I ask for zu verstehen?; the money was transferred to your account as we previously agreed.  
“Okay, you will get the package in a couple of days. It was nice seeing you Rachel” she shook my hand again  
“Auf Wiedersehen”  
“Goodbye Katja”  
Now everything was in motion again, the bliss of happiness of my geeky sister was going to be short-lived, her adventure with Delphine was going to become a hell and by doing that Sarah was going to suffer, now I had to set my sight on Alison. Once both of my sisters were deep in sorrow Sarah would have no other choice than to surrender to me.  
_______________________  
The first concert in Berlin was a success, the fans were happy and we were satisfied of our work, so we had a couple of days to relax and enjoy before moving on with the rest of the tour. This was a chance I wasn’t going to let go to waste, so I went to Cosima’s room hoping that she would like to go out with me tomorrow on our first date. I reached her door and knocked, I waited patiently until someone opened, Sarah, merde.  
“Hey, is Cosima around?” I asked nervously, no matter how many times I met previously with Cosima, and that we were hanging out more frequently, her sister Sarah always made me feel small  
“Yeah, she is. Wait a second” she went back in her room, probably to call her sister. The door opened again, but this time it was my dreadlock rocker  
“Hey Delphine”, she greeted me with a kiss “What are you doing here, I though you would be resting”  
“Non, I was thinking of you. Maybe you would like to go out with me tomorrow? There is a club where I have free access, and it’s pretty close, I was thinking that maybe we could have some fun there” I blushed while I asked her out  
“Yes, of course” she smiled, which made me feel pretty relieved, I’ll admit that I was a little nervous, since it was the first time I was asking her out officially. “So I’ll pick you up at 10?” “Sounds good to me” she kissed me again, but this time she lingered, kissing me softly, like a promise of a thousand things that would come tomorrow. She broke the kiss and smiled again “It’s a date” and she went back to her room.

 

The next day the anticipation was killing me, I took me two hours to finally decide what to wear, I wanted to look perfect for her; in the end I wore cream pants and a black wool sweater. I put my boots, brushed my hair and went to pick up my date. Again when I knocked Sarah opened “Bloody hell” she muttered  
“Cosima, it’s Delphine!” and she went back inside, after a couple of minutes Cosima finally appeared, with a red dress and black scarf that looked adorable on her, she wore her hair in a bun which completed her perfect look. I kept staring at her, speechless.  
“Are we going out or not Delphine?”  
“quoi? désolé j'ai été distrait, let’s go” I took her hand and we interlaced our fingers, it felt so right to be like this, like we belonged.  
Once in the club we went to the dance floor, enjoying the music, feeling each other bodies through the rhythms: electro, dance, house, eurobeat, you name it, we move along each other, but I’m not going to deny that Cosima was the better dancer. Her movements so hypnotic, so sexy, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her, it was like the mating dance I saw on TV nights ago where this cute bird made a dance to attract a female to be able to reproduce, okay, nice analogy Cormier; still I couldn’t put any name to what she was doing, her posture so secure, the way her grip hold me, it was clear to the rest of people on the dance floor that she was making a statement with her body language, and I was going to make sure that they also knew that she was mine. The heat of our bodies melting us, her perfume mixing with her sweat driving me insane, her movements so enticing, I couldn’t contain myself anymore. I claimed her mouth; she responded eagerly, our tongues dancing at the same rhythm as our bodies, my hands stroking her back trying desperately to find skin, she was kissing my neck, her hands tangled in my hair, things were heating up, I could barely pronounce word, so with great effort I said “Bathroom” I took her with me and as soon as we were in the more private space we kissed, and kissed and kissed, her hands on my breasts, her lips on my collarbone, I moaned in desperation, I pushed her and kissed her too, my hands in her thighs, the beat of my heart was erratic, my breath ragged, I wanted more, I needed more, to keep exploring her body, I started to take her coat off – “STOP!” She said, her cheeks flushed “Not here, not like this”  
“Don’t you want to…’” I asked doubting myself  
“No babe, I want you, trust me on that, but I don’t want to just fuck you in a bathroom Delphine, I want to take my time with you, discover all the things that make you tick, I want our first time to be awesome and I want to do it right” she kissed me again softly, “Let’s go back to the hotel”  
The ride back felt like an eternity, particularly when all I wanted to do was kiss Cosima senseless;, my lust might be on hold, but the more time we spend inside the taxi to ride back to the hotel, the harder it was to contain myself, I could see that Cosima was anxious as well, she was holding my hand, caressing me with her thumb, her right hand was on her lap and her fingers tapping rhythmically her thigh, probably going through the motions of playing her bass. Finally, after what felt like a million years, we arrived, I paid the cab and we jogged to the lift that took us to her floor, as soon as the lift opened we stepped out and with no more prying eyes around us, we unleashed our restrain and continue the kissing while we walked towards Cosima’s room, we were a step away from her room when I remembered who was her roommate “Merde” I bit my lip  
“What?”  
“Sarah, is probably inside, oui?”  
“She doesn’t mind the noise”  
“She hates me”  
“Oh shit! yeah, we should go to your room then” We run to the lift again this time heading for Delphine’s room. Once the door opened we were on our way when we spotted Rachel in the hall talking on her phone “Non, non, non, non merde, it’s better if she does not see us”  
“You have to be kidding me, let me think” Cosima was silent for a minute, when she snapped her fingers “Come on” She took my hand and led me to the flight of stairs, we went down a couple of floors and returned to one of the hotel halls, she stopped in front of room and knocked the door. Seconds later a familiar face peered through the door, it was Elizabeth Childs.  
“Hey Beth” Cosima gave her a wide smile, like the ones little kids use to try to bribe their parents to buy them something  
“Cosima what the…Ms. Cormier?” said Ms. Childs in confusion “Delphine is fine”   
“I need you to take Alison for a couple of hours, please take her anywhere but here”  
“What is going on?  
“I need your room”  
“…” Ms. Childs was processing her request when “Shit, hell no! go to your own room Cosima”  
“We can’t Beth, that’s the problem and neither Delphine’s, so please, I beg you, do this for me”  
“Jesus fucking Christ, this is crazy”  
“Yes!, that’s the point Beth, besides it’s a great chance for you to spend with Alison” and that got her thinking “Just a couple of hours and we’ll be out of here”  
“Fine, but you two better leave everything as you find it; you know how obsessive Ali can be as far as cleanliness is concerned; give me a few minutes okay?”  
We waited in the stairs, kissing each other relentlessly, impatience seizing us, when he heard voices in the hall  
“Beth why would you like to suddenly eat outside?”  
“Please Ali, I’ve been following you nonstop since we arrived to get you your craft materials, one dinner outside is not going to ruin your knitting project, come with me”  
“All right, all right”  
When the voices where far away, we returned to the hall and Cosima pushed the door ajar, once we were secured inside I kissed her with all my might, my lust increasing in waves, she responded fiercely, quickly I started to undress her, desperate for contact with her hot skin, she did the same, pieces of clothe dropping everywhere, chairs, floor, couch, it didn’t matter, we finally reached the bed and in a second Cosima was on top, kissing me from head to toe, I kissed her in anticipation of all the things to come, before moving on I removed her glasses carefully and put them on the bedside table, I looked at her again, “parfait” it was the first time that I saw her without them, I could see so clearly the hazel of her eyes, so dark and shiny, she took me out of my stupor by killing me softly with her kisses, her hands tracing every inch of my body, mon DIeu! When she said she was going to explore my body she literally meant it. Her lips were nipping my breasts, I arched my back to give her better access, my moans signaling my pleasure, so she continued trailing kisses down my abdomen until she reached my pelvis, there she grabbed my underwear and pull it slowly, once in position between my legs she muttered “Fuck, you’re so wet” She licked my clit sending sparks of pleasure, the look on her face was of complete awe, she made me feel the most beautiful woman in the world, it was the first time that I felt like this, she remained feasting on me, I grabbed her dreads pulling them, anchoring me, her fingers resume the work her tongue was doing, inside of me, driving me mad with pleasure until I was so so close, just a little bit more, when she stopped “ce que l'enfer! why did you stop” she cheeky grin wide “I love when you spit all those French words to me, that is big turn on” “s'il vous plaît ne vous arrêtez pas, Cosima” I pleaded. She was laughing, clearly enjoying my desperation for release “you’re such a brat” “You like me that way” she said and finished me off.  
After a couple more rounds exhaustion beat us, and we slept, Cosima’s head resting over my heart and my arms surrounding her smaller frame. After a while I woke up and I started to recall what had been of my life; I realized that it was empty, there was no one in my past that loved me, who cared as she did, she worshiped me by making me feel loved, suddenly tears started to stream on my face, and my failed attempts to hold my sobs were useless and I ended waking her up  
“Are you okay?” she asked, the concern on her face. I wasn’t going to ruin the moment by filling her with my miserable past so I said “I cry after sex” She tangled her hand with mine  
“You know what, I am never this hungry. I would care for some ice cream” She smiled, and I’m grateful she didn’t push the subject  
“Hmm, ok, your wish is my command” she stood up got dress quickly and put on her coat  
“I’m gonna go to the store and I am gonna get some Eskimo Pies”  
“Eskimo?...I don’t think I know it”  
“No? Prepare yourself you are about to become a craving addict” she put on her glasses  
“I think I already am”  
She smiled and went to get me some Eskimo Pies, without knowing that tonight she rocked my world.


	9. The Bodyguard

It was pretty late to be around the streets of Berlin, but I had to give Cosima and Delphine a break, those two were in such a messy relationship, between the raging competition of rival rock bands, being Delphine the ex-lover of Cosima’s sister Rachel, Sarah disliking Delphine, it was chaotic, but looking at those two together made me realize that one simply cannot fight for too long how you feel about a certain person. Alison was riding shotgun, her posture stiff and showing impatience, she never was the type to be relaxed, always desperate to do the task at hand and go back to the comfort of her home.  
“Were are going Beth?” she asked  
“I told you I want to take a walk, have dinner, you know, have some fun? Let’s go to the Tiergarten first”  
When we arrived, the first thing I did was to grab a deep breath, I’ve always been comfy around Alison and the girls, but having a walk at night with her, all alone, with none other thing to do than just enjoy each other’s company was a different deal. The night was cool and refreshing, the night sky clear, it was perfect for a nice walk. I spaced out remembering how I got where I was today.  
I used to work in the police force, but an incident with a civilian shooting left me depressed and with anxiety issues, I got suspended and in the meantime I found a friend in prescription drugs; it was a dark time for me, after things got all figured out with the discipline board, I wasn’t myself anymore, so I quit, I was Detective Elizabeth Childs no more. A friend of mine, Arthur Bell, the chief of security of The Monitors, suggested me to do some freelance work, which I did for a couple of months until I met Alison Hendrix in the parking lot of a convenience store, she was been pestered by some guy, and even though she was doing a fine job by keeping him at bay, the guy was really pissing me off, so I barged in and kicked his ass. Alison was oh so grateful; we introduced each other and I gave her my card. I never imagined that she would call. I met then all the foster sisters, Felix and Mrs. S They were looking for protection now that they were doing shows on small bars and clubs, and when people were too drunk anything could happen, Alison referred me to her sisters and I became their bodyguard. When they hit it big with their song Orphan Black I knew that this was for the long run, and I was glad, spending time with three amazing women 24/7 was something that did not felt like work. We became really good friends and I was content with that, until I realized that I was more protective of Alison than of her sisters, I was attached to her more than anyone else and that was a big mistake, a mistake that could cost the safety of the others for not paying attention. I buried my feelings for Ali and kept being just her friend. – “Beth? Are you listening?” Her voice brought me back from outer space.  
“Sorry, what did you say?”  
“I was telling you about being the saint of the group, the expectations of the press, to behave and being just good. I’m tired of all of it”  
“Ali you are who you are, you don’t have to put a show to the press for any reason, and you know that”  
“I wish that I could be as badass as Sarah, or a hot lover like Cosima, my qualities suck Beth, have you not read the magazines? They all praise my sisters’ rock attitude. What about me?”  
“Jesus Ali, you are bitchy enough, so bitchy that I could put you head to head with Rachel and you would give her a run for her money” Alison stood quiet for a minute.  
“Yes, I’m a bitch! I can be a real bitch if I want to, so yeah, let’s grab some drinks Beth”  
“Great, now stop the self-pity party would you?” We turned around to the car after our little walk in the park.  
We stop at a nice bar that was a little crowded but Ali was in the mood to get a bit crazy tonight, so why not give her the chance to really enjoy herself, instead of being strained all the time.  
We sat at the bar and she asked for wine, then she offered me a drink “Come on Beth, drink with me, you were the one who wanted to chill, so join me” “Even though we are having fun tonight does not mean that I’m not working, I have to keep you safe” “Beth, you come to Germany to not drink beer? Well, I relieve you of your obligations tonight Beth, just one drink is not going to kill you” “All right, just one, okay?” “Perfect, cheers”  
I asked for a beer and Ali kept drinking wine, she was really into being a sinner for one day, so she asked for the whole bottle and kept drinking, meanwhile I played with my glass of beer, drinking it very slowly, I wasn’t expecting trouble but I had to be sharp, I stupidly forgot my Walter ppk in my room, so I had to rely completely on my hand to hand maneuvers. A couple of customers recognized Alison, hence she went to chat with them for a while, I could see her giggling with her fans and it made me ache, I wish that it was me the one who made her laugh; so she drank, sign autographs, took pictures, in short, the center of attention, which attracted more people.  
Fact, Alison was drunk, she was singing and giggling like a child with the crowd surrounding her; cue for me to take her away. “Hey, hey, hey, don’t touch me asshole!” The crowd got out of control and Alison was trapped in the middle, so I had to push and hit people to get to her “Get the fuck out of the way” I pushed and pulled at the crowd, kicking and elbowing people until I recognized her white turtleneck “I’m here Ali!, move out of the way people” When I reached her I check that she was perfectly okay, “All right Ali, let’s go” and some weirdo said “Where are you going, don’t take that nice piece of ass away”  
“Listen to me dipshit, you’re going to respect her, got it!” I pushed the guy, but he was also under the influence so he came to me, and a battle royale ensued, I pushed Alison under a table, when the dipshit hit me in the back, I turned around and threw a couple of punches and kicked his nuts; chairs where flying, some other guy broke a freaking bottle on my head, that left me seeing stars for a while, but the adrenaline pumping on my blood pushed me on my feet, I kicked as hard as I could and punched him in the face, I heard a crack, if it was any indication I broke his ugly nose. Sirens were heard in the distance, a signal to get the fuck out. Alison was crawling under the tables and when I saw an opportunity I went for her, I grabbed her and shielded her with my body and ran for the car.  
Ali was laughing like crazy now, obviously it was really amusing for her this situation when she was in this drunken state.  
“Beth that was amazing, you fought a mob of people and…” and she saw my bloody face  
“Shit Beth! God, stop the car we need to take you to a hospital”   
“Ali, there is no need to worry, nothing that a few bandages can’t take care of”  
“Shit Beth, well at least let’s stop in a drugstore to buy some first aid materials, please?” How could I refuse her, I drove a couple of streets until I spotted a shop, she went and bought the stuff.  
“Now let’s head back” “Hell no Beth, you cannot get into the hotel all blood like that, let me take care of it first and then go back” So I kept driving until we were really close to the hotel, I parked the car and she turned the lamp on.  
“God Beth, your lips are busted, bloody nose and your head is cracked as well, I think that if a doctor sees you”  
“Forget it Ali, we’re already here so do whatever you’re going to do”  
She grabbed the gauze and smears it with oxygenated water; she then took my face with her hands looking at my wounds, examining the places that needed to be tended, her face so close to mine. “This is going to hurt” yeah, but no more than it hurts being this close to you I though.  
“Shit” I said as the burning sensation spread through my skin. “Keep pressure here to stop the bleeding” She took my hand and guides it over the wound in my forehead.  
“Ok blow your nose” I did as told until the wipes came as bloodless as possible. She then started to tend my lips, her fingertips tracing the shape of my mouth; she grabbed a cotton swab to clean the cut, I could feel her breath over my face, she was so damn close, I parted my lips to allow her better access, the sting of the wound making me aware of her closeness. When she finished she was checking every place, making sure that she did a thorough job, her eyes were on my lips again, her eyes staring too long, her hot breath over my face, I couldn’t breathe, the silence deafening, I was worried that she could hear the beat of my heart, still looking at me.  
I kissed her, she stood still; I broke the kiss and looked at her, waiting for any reaction, a slap, a word, a yell but she didn’t do anything. I was going to turn on the engine when she took my face and kissed me back, I responded to her eagerly, how many nights I dream of this, I was savoring her taste, her tongue, nipping her lower lip, and again kissing her, when she pushed me away.  
“No. No, no, no, no, no” she said in denial “This didn’t happen, take me back to the hotel please”  
“Ali just…” “No!” she cut me in. Her face was serious as ever. I didn’t push it, so I turned on the car and returned to the hotel.  
The walk to the lift was quite, Alison kept her hands clasped near her body, probably to avoid any contact with me; when I noticed that she pressed another floor “Where are you going?” “I’m staying with Sarah and Cos” I couldn’t say anything, not when she clearly wanted to be as far away as possible from me; we reached Sarah’s floor and she exited the elevator, the doors closed again and I went to my room. I knew that my body was going to hurt tomorrow, but I doubted that it was going to be as painful as what I felt in my soul, I passed the access card went inside.  
I felt so numb, I was walking like a zombie to my room, when I caught some movement with the corner of my eyes, I was ready to strike when “Dude, it’s me, chill” said Cosima raising her hands in surrender “I know we were supposed to be out of here, but, well, after the Eskimo Pies we were really tired” she was whispering to avoid waking up Delphine. I turned on the light from the nearest table and sat on the couch, “Doesn’t matter anymore, though, you did it in my bed, shit” “Yeah, sorry…Holy watershed!” she exclaimed “Beth what happened to you? you look like shit. Where is Alison?” “She’s staying with Sarah. Don’t worry, she is perfectly fine” “What? Why?” she was really concerned, like family.  
I told her the what happened, retelling the story made it more real, her rejection a stab in the heart; didn’t happen, she said; I was beaten, but the hurt inside was too much, I was tempted once again to rely on pills, to ease the pain, to make me forget, only I didn’t have any, besides I couldn’t do that anymore, I promised myself. I finished my story.  
“Wow, welcome to the trip man”  
“Not helping, Cosima”  
“Yeah, sorry. I feel you though. It is like me and Delphine. We are still trying to figure things out, and that scares me, yet here we are. Alison, well, I know she cares about you Beth, drunk or not, she kissed you as a result of her own mixed feelings, if she wasn’t interested she would have never done it.”  
“Thanks, Cosima I really appreciate it.”  
“No prob” She hugged me and went back to the side of her girl  
I went and took a bath; I washed the rest of blood on my hair, and let the hot water run all over my body to ease the pain, to sooth my muscles. I stood under the shower for quite some time, until I felt that I was going to faint. I dried with the towel and look myself in the mirror, my face was going to be swollen tomorrow, fuck, and the bruises on the rest of my body looked purplish, they were going to take some time to heal, my heart?, that, I couldn’t predict. I dressed up and was heading to my bed when I remembered that it was occupied, I headed to the other bed, Alison’s bed. As expected, everything was in order, not a piece of clothing out of place, all her craft materials in their space, all tidy. I lay in bed, the smell of her shampoo was faint over the pillow, I thought about the kiss, her lips, I closed my eyes and fantasized of the things I would have done if I had not been rejected, crap, I was getting aroused, my mind taking me to a marvelous world where I could kiss Ali forever, touch her fair skin, where I would keep her always save. Fuck this, my hand went to the waist of my underclothes, and once I had it where I wanted it, I drifted into sin city, and it felt so good.  
__________________________  
Shite, don’t tell me Cosima left her card key. I rose from the bed and walked towards the room door. “Cosima for fuck’s sake where is your damn card key?” I opened the door and to my surprise it wasn’t Cos, but Alison. “Bad things have happened to me” she said, clearly wasted.  
“What the hell happened to you?” Alison didn’t say anything; she simply was sobbing, her lips in a pout, and standing in the middle of the hall all sad.   
“Come in, just sit down and I’ll get you some water”  
I went to the mini fridge and grab a cold bottle of water, Alison looked like a truck ran over her, her clothes all dirty and shriveled, her hair a complete mess, I was seriously shocked to find Alison in this state.  
“Here” I passed her the bottle “So, would you like to talk about it?  
“I tried to say eff it today, and I blew up my whole life” I let her vent “I wanted to say eff this, eff you and I effed it. I effed it all up”  
“It cannot be that bad Alison” I tried to reassure her  
“Because of me Beth was into a fight, then she kissed me, I kissed her back, I pushed her away…”  
“woah, woah, woah, take it ease mate, slow it down. Let me recap: Beth was in a brawl, because of you?”  
“I wanted to be badass like you Sarah, and I drank a little…” “A little?” I said incredulously  
“There were so many fans in the bar, I wanted to be cool and some guys, well, overstep the bounds and Beth, she was there in a second and all went to hell.” She started to cry  
“Beth protected me, and I, and I pushed her away, I got scared” she continued weeping  
“Is Beth okay?” she nodded, “And she kissed you?” she nodded again, this time burying her face in her hands  
“Alison, listen, there is no shame in what happened. Beth cares deeply for you, if you don’t want to pursuit this, she will understand, yeah?”  
“But I kissed her back Sarah!, and it felt good, and then I realized that it was Beth, OUR Beth, and I panicked, because I kissed a girl, I have never kissed a girl, what is wrong with me?” the confusion drowning her in desperation.  
“Nothing is wrong Alison, you simply let go of your fears, you are a control freak and you let yourself run wild for the first time. Now what you have to really think about is, how much do you care for Beth? because for the rest of us is as clear as water that she loves you.” She looked at me bemused, like it was the first time she hears that; seriously she had to be really blind to not notice the way Beth always looks at her.  
“Anyway, I can ascertain that you were pretty badass today. It’s time for you to go to bed, and don’t worry about Cos, she is probably with Del-fine” I helped her get on her feet and accompany her to the bed. I put the blanket over her and kissed her good night.  
I released slowly my breath, how was it possible that the lives of my sisters were as messed up as mine. Cosima getting tangled with the ex of Rachel, Alison confronting her sexuality, me destroying Rachel’s heart and turning her into an enemy, well done Orphans, you really are fucked up.  
If only Rachel had focus her resentment on me, but she knew me very well. We were together way before Alison and Cosima started to live with us. That’s why we had a better understanding of each other, and I was sure she was capable of everything, and that, scared me.  
I had to play her mind-fucking games until she really did something, the wait was killing me, what was she planning to do. I was clear the targets were my sisters, but how much damage could she cause? I was afraid I was about to find sooner rather than later; sometimes I think that it would be easier if you just put a bullet in my head. I was such a stupid kid, why I had to do that to her. It’s my fault she is now a cold bitch, and for that I could never forgive myself.


	10. Trust

“Are you effing serious?” Felix said, clearly not happy with the news that were posted today on the internet.  
“I disappear one night, ONE. NIGHT and look the chaos that you have created. Listen to this headlines: Cosima the hot one seduces her sister’s lover, From Raphine to Cophine, oh this one is better Cosima Niehaus: Sex, Drugs and RocknRoll”  
“Dude, seriously we were in a so-called private club, I had no idea they were taking pics and vids” I try to defend myself “and I want to clarify that I wasn’t high”  
“And you Alison, of all people! Look at these pictures! You were a complete disaster oh and don’t forget the bar fight video on youtube, already viral”  
“Fee, give them a break” Sarah tried to protect Fee from a heart attack. “They were at the wrong place, at the wrong time; we won’t give declarations and redirect all questions to our music. I finished a couple of songs for the new album so I’ll make sure this is what we talk about, yeah?”  
“This tour is going to become a real pain in the arse, I don’t want to see you fooling around with Delphine, Cosima, try not to feed those vultures of the press, whatever you do keep it inside the hotel please and you Alison, no more sudden madness. Finish packing, we’re moving on” Felix left us to finish his errands  
“Let’s check this out” I said while grabbing the tablet Felix was previously using, I loaded the video of Alison and clicked play.  
“Holy shite Alison, it is a miracle you got out of there without a scratch” Sarah was with her mouth open.  
“Did you see that? That was a freaking beer bottle cracked on Beth’s head.” I said while replaying the video. “Slow motion now, look, look, look! Shit, Beth is a fucking monster”  
“That’s enough you two” Alison snatched the tablet from my hands. A knock on the door startled us.  
“Excuse me” it was Beth peeking through the door “we leave in 10 minutes; I’ll be waiting in the lobby for you” she was about to bolt when, “Oi! Elizabeth”  
That caught the attention of Beth; she was accustomed to be called by her nickname so she frowned while waiting for Sarah to say something, instead Sarah approached Beth and hugged her “Thank you for protecting her”  
“I just did my job-”  
“Still…” Sarah after a couple more minutes released her. Beth nodded and went back to the lobby.  
When we finally were done we met with Fee and The Monitors. “Holy crap Beth, what happened to you?” Arthur Bell ask her friend, “None of your business dipshit” she responded with a grin, Art smiled back. With the sun up it was easy to see the bruises on Beth’s face, there was going to be a nasty scar over her left eyebrow and her busted lip looked almost black, it made me cringe, thinking about how much pain she must be feeling, then, I saw Alison, that idiot was completely ignoring Beth, avoiding eye contact with her; the poor woman goes all Kevin Costner rescuing Whitney Houston style to save Alison’s bum, instead of being grateful she was ignoring her. I was going to pull her ears when I caught the most beautiful sight ever, the future mother of my children, Delphine. Ok Cos, you are getting way over your head.  
After waking up between each other’s arms I was certain that I wanted this to work out with her, to wake up to a warm body was something new to me, I was used to get what I wanted at any place, whenever I wanted, yet spending time with someone, getting to know each other and be able to trust her, was a first for me, I couldn’t wait to be with her again. I grasped the importance to keep things as smooth as possible with the press, however, I wasn’t shallow as some reporters described me, I could care less what they said about me, I just wanted to hold hands with her, kiss her, and show her that I have real feelings for her, that she means something, so the press can go and fuck themselves.  
I greeted her with a small kiss “Hey, how was your night, Ms. Cormier?”  
“Bonjour, ma chérie, I had a wonderful night” she kissed me back. “je suis désolé, about the press release Cosima.”  
“Don’t worry Delphine, besides, who could pay any attention to what paparazzi’s were doing, when I have only eyes for you” that made her smile, and my stomach did a little somersault. Yep, my sanity was in the hands of this woman.  
“Sorry to interrupt, love birds” Rachel said, “we need to move Del, we have a long way to go so hurry up” she continued to the exit.  
“Oh well, this next weeks are going to be intense, so I understand if you are tired or busy, nevertheless, if you can cuddle up with me I would really appreciate it” I said half joking half crossing my fingers that she stayed with me the rest of the tour.  
“Oui, it would be my pleasure” she said, making a huge emphasis in the word pleasure. The promise of a thousand nights in the arms of my French lady was enough for me.  
The following weeks were full of work: 6 concerts completed, 110,000 fans left satisfied, the press desperate for pictures and interviews; it was really gruesome, I barely had time to be with Delphine, yet the musician in me was amazed by the love people showed us, how some of our songs help them in tough times, to others our music was healing, in short, I couldn’t be more motivated to keep making music. The Monitors, as far as I could tell, were having a great moment, Delphine’s popularity sky-rocketed of course; there was nothing sexier than a hot woman playing the drums so sinfully and so masterfully, without discrediting my sister Alison, who was awesome as well. I’m not going to deny that there were discussions once in a while with those idiots of Paul and Donnie, the tension between our bands remained, though, for the sake of completing this without killing anyone, the priority was to focus on the music, put aside our personal shit and do the job.  
Things between Alison and Beth were pretty awkward, at first I didn’t understand her behavior towards our protector, not until Sarah explained to me what happened. My heart was suffering for Beth, it was clear that Alison’s rejection had left a terrible pain, which was visibly by the straining of her composure when she had to be on close guardian duty, the rest of the tour she preferred to be watching from afar, and leave one of the other security guys closer to us. Alison was a complete idiot if she was going to deny her feelings for Beth, it was so obvs, the distance that Beth took from her was killing Alison as well, and it was clear she missed her, but who I was to interfere, the only thing I could do was for her to see reason and tell Beth that she cared.  
Sarah was a complete different story, she was isolated, on edge all the time, she was getting all mama bear on us for the slightest of things, maybe the traveling, the intensity of our schedules was getting to her, she was a very reserved person, she didn’t talk to us about her problems, when we tried to ask her if she was okay, she shut us down. It was as if she was expecting for a lightning to hit her and end her misery, something was eating her from the insides, but she wasn’t going to rely in any of us for help.  
Finally we were in Rome, we were going to do a quick stop here, five days, and then to Paris. I was super excited to get to France, the home sweet home of my music girlfriend. In the meantime, we could enjoy Rome as well. The first thing was to organize a TV interview we were having in the afternoon. Fee was worried about the comments that we might throw at each other, thus the decision to send one member of each group, me being the charmer, volunteered.  
“Buonasera, mi chiamo Aryana Giordano, Oggi abbiamo con noi due ospiti speciali, Cosima Niehaus e Delphine Cormier.” the audience applauded.  
“Ciao, Italia, Sono felice di essere qui” I said, the crowd going nuts with my Italian  
“Oh very nice Cosima, thank you for joining us, you too Delphine” said the host “We are very happy to have two of the most talented women in the rock industry. Tell me how hard it was to be at the top of a male dominated industry?”  
The interview went on for a while, answering very interesting questions, it seemed that Ms. Giordano did her research, the questions were spot on and we did our best to answer each of them. Delphine was also charming her way to win the love of the public, if she wasn’t my girlfriend, I’d probably be pissed for the fierce competition she was giving me, but who on this planet could resist that accent? Not me. It was time for the Q&A with the fans, which was pretty cool to let them interact with us, really lovely of them.  
“I love you Delphine! I want you to know that you are the best” one excited fan said  
“Merci, I love you too” the crowd got animated  
“Woah, hold it there champ, I’m sorry to break the news but, that lady over there loves ME” I stated as a matter of fact, I grinned widely and looked at her. She smiled and mouthed “brat”  
“She is very cheeky, this girl” the audience response was enthusiastic after our romantic exchange, when another kid said out loud “I SHIP YOU!” and the crowd went wild.  
Delphine’s face was of confusion, not understanding the term, which of course, I was going to explain later when we were all alone.  
The interview ended and we signed autographs and took a couple of pictures with the audience, this was a success, none in a million years The Orphans and The Monitors looked so good together.  
Back in our hotel I could see Fee’s face, which was showing a bit of annoyance because I didn’t follow exactly his instructions of staying on topic, but I wanted to let the world recognize how much I loved her, the only thing that was left for me was to tell her. The infamous words that I have ever said in my life, I love you.  
“Fee relax, it went well” Alison said “Yeah Fee, give her some slack. It looked like we’re having a blast with The Monitors; I think that was the best interview so far” Sarah added “All right, all right, you win. Try to rest today, tomorrow we have rehearsal” I gave him a thumbs up and went to Delphine’s room.  
I was standing right in front of her door, making sure that I had everything with me: her key card, check; eskimo pies, which she now craves after sex, check; and a bottle of wine, check. I passed the card and entered her bedroom.  
“Babe I’m here, brought your fave wine” “Merci, ma chérie, I was missing you already” she kissed me and help me with the stuff I brought. “So, do you want to watch a movie mon trésor?” “Sure”  
We turned on the TV and looked for a random movie; we weren’t actually watching it, rather enjoying each other’s company. “Delphine?” I took her hand and tangled my fingers with hers, while she played with my dreads “You know, I am really grateful for you being here with me. I was never the social type, I was the awkward kid at school. Even now that I am a rock star, I was alone until you came into my life” She smiled and caressed my face, she kissed me so softly and said “I can’t believe that this cheeky little brat was a lonely girl” I smiled at her comment “You better believe it”  
“As you know I was born and raised in San Francisco up until I was 8, my parents were scientists of some sort, they were doing research most of the time, and being an only child, well I didn’t have much company at home; apparently things were going well for my folks, with the purpose to continue their research we moved to Minnesota, that’s where I met my friend Scott, we went to school together, we studied together, and he kind of developed a crush on me, and I developed a crush on another classmate, a girl, so I told him about it, he was cool with it, I was glad that I could rely on a friend, especially when I was into girls as well, so the funny thing between us is that we went specifically to the school gym to check out the girls, it was hilarious”  
“Then I would have to thank him for being such a good friend to you, chérie” “Oh no, not in hell, I don’t want him to develop a crush on you now, so nope” She kissed my neck and bit my ear teasingly.  
“Anyway, I lived in Minnesota for three years, until my parents died in a crash, it was snowing really hard and the road was dangerous, last thing I remember is the call with the dreaded news. In their funeral, Mr. S, now my foster mother introduced herself, she told me that she worked with my parents and that they were very close, for that reason my parents had assigned her on their will to become my legal guardian. I moved to Canada with her and that’s where I met three other girls who looked exactly like me.” “I am not going to say that I don’t find that really weird, Cosima, you all are daughters of different parents, oui? How come you look the same?” “And that is the million dollar question Delphine, I thought about that, we all did, no answers came, so I prefer to think that we are the product an in vitro fertilization gone wrong”  
“Whatever happened, we didn’t care, we formed a bond so strong, we became sisters and that was all that mattered. We lived together happily, until our high school years. To avoid calling too much attention for our particular situation, Mrs. S sent us to two different places, I was going to school with Alison and Rachel and Sarah were in another. At 17 I was smoking pot, it help me soothe my mind, Alison always bitched me about it, but it wasn’t that bad, on the other hand Sarah and Rachel were in a different level of mess. I know that some shit happened at their school, I mean, just seeing the transformation of Rachel was enough sign that something was going on” “Transformation? What do you mean?” “The Rachel you see today has nothing on the old one. She was, let’s call her an ugly duckling, you had to see her braces the old fashion style, she didn’t have much confidence and was kind of shy” “You are kidding, are we talking about the same person” “Yeah, she was something else. The point is that she became more aware of her appearance, the way she conducted herself, until she turned into a complete bitch, Sarah left the house until Rachel went to college, and the distance between them is an abyss now. None of them talk about anything anymore; I guess whatever happened they will take it to their graves”  
“In summary, what I want you to understand Delphine, is that I have always relied on myself, I don’t trust people easily, I keep them at bay, so when I met you it scared the hell out of me, I have never ever felt this for anyone, you have turned my insides, you have made me better and for that…I love you” I felt a lump in my throat, I swallowed hard, awaiting; she was all teary but she smiled, the biggest and brightest smile I have ever seen, she took me in her arms and kissed me hard “je t'aime trop mon amour” that I could understand, I kissed her eagerly, feeling a thundering in my chest, like my heart was going to blow up “Don’t forget who said it first” “you brat” and we made love over the couch, the bed, everywhere, there was no other way to express my feelings for her than showing her. Show, Don’t Tell; yeah, I had the name of my new song.  
_____________________  
The day after the concert, which was another success for our group, we decided to go shopping, we had a chance to roam freely around the city, a great opportunity to really enjoy the scenery and architecture, at least for our group, Delphine had to stay with those morons in the hotel to keep working on their album, thus Alison and I were the ones going out, Sarah and Fee were going to keep working as well.  
We went to Porta di Roma Shopping Centre, it was a huge mall and obvs I wanted to see the most I could, but with Alison by my side that was going to be kinda hard.  
“I suggest we split Alison, that way you go wherever you want without delays besides we have compete opposite tastes, you know, what they say, every man for himself, so when you get bored just give me a call and we will meet here, right on this place?  
“All right, sounds good to me, let’s go” “Yeah, just wait a sec, we need to inform Beth” I waved at Beth who was around 30 feet away from us, she approached but Alison of course took more distance than necessary, hence I told Beth the plan.  
“Okay, I understand. Do whatever you’re going to do with confidence, know that you’ll have someone very close and another shadow at a distance, if for some reason you prefer to keep fans at bay, just let us know” Beth spoke through her mic to give instructions to the other security guys, when she finished she nodded to the closest guy “I’ll follow you, I’ll be just 10 steps away, if for any reason I’ll feel that your safety is in jeopardy you will follow my orders, okay?” “Loud and clear” I waved good bye to Alison, who looked more or less annoyed that Beth chose me instead of her, although who could blame Beth, when all Alison did this past weeks was avoid her.  
“Ma’am, are you ready to go?” asked the bodyguard  
“Yes, yes, I was thinking were to start first, what was your name, eh?” “Raj, Raj Singh ma’am” “Okay Raj, you are going to help me to get some craft materials, since that traitor preferred to go with her” “Excuse me?” “Nothing Raj, you’re my wingman today, let’s go”  
And so our shopping spree began, I went to buy clothes first, you could never have enough clothes, I also went to a music store. There, I was recognized by some people, I signed some tshirts, fans took me photographs, the usual drill. Of course, the most difficult task was to buy something for Delphine, what thing could I buy her, I wanted to buy her something that she was going to be really happy about it, so I kept walking looking for accessories, clothes, music, but nothing seemed perfect for her. I decided to ask Beth for help, maybe I was too obsessive to really see what was good, so a fresh insight was exactly what I needed.  
“Well she seems to me really reserved, things that will call attention to her is a big no,no” Beth said.  
“Then, what about clothing?” I asked.  
“She is very stylish, but shy, focus on dark colors, probably a brownish coat or sweater” Beth suggested.  
“That sounds accurate, how do you know so much about her if you barely spoke with her?” I wondered.  
“Hey, my job is to know about everyone and everything, I need to be observant, who knows where you can conceal a weapon”  
I laughed “Totes spot on”  
I went ahead to buy like Beth suggested a sweater for Delphine; I selected something that I thought was going to look cute on her, and definitely easy to take it off from her.  
“Don’t you want to buy something Beth? It’s on me, you know, after helping me out”  
“No need Cosima, thanks”  
“Come on Beth, maybe a scarf?  
“I appreciate it, but no thanks”  
“All right, what about I tell you a little secret, fitting for your current situation”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Alison. Did you know that she digs your scar? When you look to your right, that’s when it’s more visible, ergo she will look at it”  
“Maybe she finds it repulsive”  
“Hell no!, that look on her face is not like eew disgusting, it’s like I want to touch it and kiss it kind of face; please, don’t give up on her Beth, at least not yet”  
Beth gave me a warm smile “Thank you”  
Done with the shopping, I started walking back to the meeting place when suddenly something caught my attention, I got close to the storefront and I was hypnotized by the beauty, by the brightness, by the perfection of what I saw; I realized exactly what I was supposed to be buying. Right there and then I just knew…


	11. Prom Queen

“Don’t you worry about that Aldous, trust me, the tour is a success, all venues sold out, the conferences are outstanding and the merchandise is selling quickly. The press is giving us promotion; who cares if it’s good or bad, what we really want is to people keep hearing about our brand” I was starting to get irritated, I didn’t like when people questioned my management.

“Yes, I will do that, if something else arises and for some strange reason I cannot contain it, only then I’ll call you, but the chance of that happening is 0. Good bye Aldous.” I closed the cell and throw it on my bed. I had enough things in my head, to start worrying about Aldous having a breakdown for those crappy headlines.  
Tonight the band was having a meeting with the fans, it was our last day in Rome and the idea was to allow a direct interaction with the audience, so in the main conference hall of the hotel my group and my sisters were signing autographs, and answering questions from their public, we were talking possibly about 100 people, according to the radio station that organized the contest of the Battle of the Bands, to benefit a nonprofit organization, this way I could do some damage control, after all, I was the mastermind of precisely the headlines that Aldous was complaining.

Yes, it was pretty disturbing that I was the one responsible of mindfucking with Cosima and Delphine, after all, they had nothing to do with Sarah ruining me, yet, the only way to make her feel helpless, just like I did in front of those people, is to make her pay through the pain of our sisters. And I wasn’t going to stop, not when I was so close to break her, to make her miserable. An eye for an eye they say, it’s time for me to collect.  
I went to Paul’s room to speak with the band, I appreciated all the effort they were putting into the new album, writing, composing, I was so proud.  
“Evening guys, how are things going on?” I greeted them  
“Hi Rachel, we haven’t seen you in a while” saluted Paul  
“All hail Queen Rachel!” said Donnie  
“Excuse me?” Instantly I was petrified, hearing an echo from the past, I could hear the laughs because they knew, And now your Prom Queen of 2002 is…”Rachel?” Delphine’s voice brought me back to the present, I blinked quickly to try to regain my composure “Sorry I was distracted” “You feeling okay? You turned a bit pale” Donnie asked curiously and added “I was joking, sorry if it bothered you” “No, Donnie, it has nothing to do with it”  
“I’ve been very busy discussing the launch campaign of your new album with other colleagues; it’s why I’m here. I need you to get the material ready when we finish this damn tour, the executives of Dyad would like to get some demos of the new material as soon as possible, the idea is to release a couple of singles and finally the album before The Orphans. I’ve heard that their label Project Leda is also on the move. We cannot lose to them, after all we are rivals. Can I trust that you are not going to share this information with your girlfriend, Delphine?”  
“Absolutely Rachel, we don’t discuss work, croyez-moi”  
“Good to have that established. Remember, tonight we have the fans meeting, make sure you are packed and ready because as soon as we finish we take our charter flight to France.”  
“Will do Rachel, and try to take it easy, you really look drained” Paul said before I left his room.  
I headed to the elevator while thinking Paul’s advice, I was tired, plus all the thought I had to put into conspiring against my sweet Delphine and dear Cosima had me overworked. Finally, the bell of the lift announced its arrival, the door opened and what do you think? from all the guests in this hotel why I had to precisely encounter the person I least wanted to find, Sarah Manning. There was a man with us, which made easy avoiding each other, she was in one corner while I, in the other. Of course, destiny had other plans, the man got out of the elevator before us, and so we were left alone.   
Sarah took off her headphones “You need to stop, whatever shite you’re doing, needs to stop now.” I didn’t respond, but she was insistent on the talk “Rachel you don’t have to take this to the extreme, please…” “Why should I listen to you, you did just fine taking your game to the very end”  
“And I said I was sorry, many many times, I didn’t comprehend the damage I inflicted on you ‘til it was too late, I’ll always regret my actions, but don’t use our sisters to get back at me”  
“You have to feel it Sarah, you will break apart just like I did, and then, your lies will be forgiven”  
“Damn it Rachel, not everything was a lie, you know that, what I felt was real…” The door opened and I left. I couldn’t keep hearing her anymore, no more lies, not ever.  
“BLOODY HELL RACHEL” was the last thing I heard before the doors closed again.  
I kept walking to my room, trying to erase the memory, the hurt, the humiliation; it didn’t help at all that we talked, I needed to blur my thoughts, to sedate my mind, I needed alcohol. Once in my bedroom I took a glass of scotch, not my favorite but I was in need of something more stronger than wine, the problem was that the more I drank the more I remembered, until all was left was unconsciousness and then the hurt, all over again.  
____________________  
KNOCK KNOCK  
“Sarah love, wake up. Rachel please wake up your sister, you are going to be late”  
“Right away Mrs. S” I went to Sarah’s bed and removed her covers.  
“Shit Rachel, its cold, leave me alone, yeah?”  
“Sarah, just hurry up, will you? I’m going to shower first” I left our bedroom and headed to the bathroom, walking through the hall I saw my other sister “Morning Cosima” “Hey Rachel” she smiled sleepily. I kept going until I reached my destination. I washed my face with the cold water of the sink to try to wake me up; I looked in the mirror. There she was an 18 year old girl, short brown hair, pink cheeks, and dental braces. Not the most beautiful sight, not when compared to the cuteness of Alison with her bangs and perfect skin, or Cosima, charming her way around with her pierced nose and beautiful long hair, but for me Sarah was the complete package, attitude and style, she was pretty popular in our high school while I was nobody. I hit my cheeks softly and went to the shower.  
After breakfast the four of us went to our respective schools, I walked side by side with Sarah up to the entrance of the school, where she meted her entourage and I was relegated to be a nuisance, therefore I headed to my locker. I couldn’t help but notice that the decoration for the prom was in place, in just a few months and this was going to be over, still, I wondered if I was going to be able to go, I had nobody, and I didn’t think I was going to get asked unless I invited a classmate from the math club. Anyway that was not important. The bell rang and I headed to class.  
_________________  
“Hell I never thought french was ever going to end”  
“I agree Sarah, Mr. Beraud was killing me with those damn verbs”  
“Whatever, just lets grab somewhere to sit”  
“Hey look, there goes that bitch of Angie, she thinks she is so smart, so loved and popular”  
“You mean Angela Deangelis? Please, future prom queen and shite, who cares”  
“I do, aren’t you tired of the same crappy people Sarah? this is bullshit”  
“Well why don’t you compete with her Sherry, it can’t be that hard, yeah?”  
“I don’t stand a chance. Why don’t you go for it”  
“Not me idiot, I scare the shit out of people, but I bet anyone with some work could do it”  
“Okay, let’s bet. If you can make any other girl prom queen and beat the hell out of Angie in her own game you get the cash”  
“Agree, let’s bet 100 CAD each, so in total the pot would be 300. Choose the victim”  
“It’s on Sarah. Let’s see, what about that one” “Nah, too big”  
“”The Chinese then, she is not that bad” “Who? Maggie Chen, forget it mate”  
“Fuck yes, that’s the one Sarah, all the potential in the world” “NO!, are you out of your mind Bob”  
“Why not Sarah, Duncan is perfect. “She is my foster sister you asshole”  
“Exactly, she is malleable and she trusts you; you can create a work of art. Don’t tell me you are chickening out?” “In your dreams; fine, it’s her. Sherry, you collect the money tomorrow and when Rachel gets crowned you will give me the money” “Ooh, pretty confident aren’t you”  
“You can bet on it”  
________________________  
RIIIING  
“All right don’t forget to read the pages we discussed today” Ms. Beckwith said to conclude class.  
I picked up my things and went for the exit, when I noticed Sarah standing near the door.  
“Hey Rachel, how was your day?” Sarah said suspiciously  
“Fine Sarah, what do you need? I looked at her annoyed, when Sarah waited for me was because she needed something.  
“What is it, homework?” “No Rachel, I just want to walk with you back home, is not all about homework, you know?”  
“Most of the time it is Sarah, or that I cover for you with Mrs. S” “Well, yes, you’re right; from now on I should pay more attention to you. Anyway, you saw the banner for the prom?  
“Of course, they are all around school” “What do you think?”  
“That I’ll probably stay home” “What? hell no Rachel, you are not going to miss the prom.”  
“Probably no one is going to ask me, Sarah” “Rachel, you should give a fuck about any idiot inviting you. You are going to let those stupid shallow girls to have all the fun? I believe that you are someone who can change things around here you know, you just need more confidence, to believe in yourself”  
“Wow, that is a really nice pep talk” “It’s not just a pep talk, it is the truth Rach”  
The days passed and Sarah kept insisting me that I could do so much, but in order to do that I had to be more confident to change things at school. The things she said, really hit close to home, I wanted to be special, I wanted to be able to go to the prom and feel that I belonged, I wanted to make a difference. I decided to give it a shot, there was nothing to lose.  
“Well Rach, hypothetically speaking, who would you like to invite you to the prom?” “Hmm, someone like Stephen Riggs” “Stephen? That guy is a douche” “You said hypothetically” “Okay, okay. If you we want to call the attention of a guy like him, the first thing that we have to do is to get rid of those outfits of yours, they are not appealing, so let’s go shopping today, yeah?”  
After class we went shopping, we entered a small boutique where I tried several outfits. I’m not going to deny that I felt weird, trying different styles, but according to Sarah, this was the first step to become the object of affection of the guys at school. “The style we are aiming for miss is classy, not bitchy” Sarah told the clerk “Rachel, don’t fear. We don’t want to change who you are, you are passive, you keep your cool, that’s what we are going to show through your clothing. I think blue, green and black are colors that suit you well” After the clerk brought several models following Sarah’s instructions I did a tiny runway show for Sarah, where she showed me her approval with a thumb up. After almost an hour we were both tired, still there was a couple more outfits to try, I put a black skirt with a blue blouse, it looked in the mirror and I was really puzzled, the girl of the reflection was me but not me. I got out of the dresser to ask Sarah’s opinion, but she was kind of distracted “Sarah!” she finally looked at me and she stared, and kept staring, her mouth was slightly opened, but no word came out of it. She changed her sitting position and “Shit!” she fell off the chair. “Crap, sorry” she looked at me again “Are you going to say something Sarah?” “Ah, sorry, it’s, wao, you look amazing. You have beautiful legs” I blushed immediately at her comment, first time I receive a compliment about my features. “Sarah, my legs are exactly like yours” “Yeah, but mine are all scraped. Yours are perfect, which now takes us to the second part of our evolutionary plan”  
“Oi oi Bobby” “Hey there Sarah”  
“Bobby this is my sister Rachel and I would like you to do something awesome with her hair, radical change, not like my highlights, something that makes her look sexy and confident”  
“You got it” “Trust me on this Rachel, after this, all those idiots in school will notice you for the first time ever”  
_________________  
The girls liked my new hair color, blonde, even Mrs. S was approving the changes, it made feel beautiful and confident, Sarah was right, and I was on my way to become a new Rachel Duncan.  
As soon as we got in school I could feel the stares, guys and girls who never considered me, looked at me, in shock, in awe, you name it. Even the popular girls, the jocks, everybody was noticing me for the first time.  
“I’ll be damned, Sarah, you are really going for the gold, eh?”  
“Yeah, I told you Sherry, I got this. Now beat it, there she comes”  
“So how does it feel all the attention Rach?”  
“Werd, but I feel pretty good about myself”  
“Great, let’s go to the cafeteria together, yeah?”  
Sarah and I were having lunch, when someone tripped with me and their salad fell on me.  
Sarah stood up immediately ready to kick some ass.  
“What the fuck Angie!!!” “I tripped, it was an accident Manning” “Yeah?, I’m gonna punch you by accident as well” the cafeteria got tense, and people were waiting for Sarah to start the fight, been the troublemaker that she is, I knew I had to stop her before things got out of control, she didn’t needed another suspension.  
“Leave her Sarah, poor Angie is almost blind. Instead of worrying about her looks she should be getting an appointment to fix her sight and clumsiness as well” That comment made the whole cafeteria gasp, later they released laughs. Angie didn’t have more choice than to go away. It was so out of the ordinary that someone had the balls to face that bitch, but I did, and that earned me respect, and the attention of certain guy, Stephen.  
Later that night when we were about to sleep I told Sarah about Stephen’s invitation to the prom, which I accepted, and she wasn’t happy about it. The more people approached me, the more Sarah got moody and pissed.  
“Rachel, please forget about that guy, you don’t need him. I told you he is a complete douche”  
“Why Sarah? I mean, this is what we were going after, remember? Months ago you told me that I needed to change to be recognized, and I did, why aren’t you happy about my progress”  
“Is not that, just stay away from him. He is not good enough for you”  
“Then who is?”  
“I don’t know” she said rather flatly. I went to sit on her bed; I really needed to understand what was going on with her.  
“Can we talk? Please?” she nodded and seated right next to me.  
“Sarah, is something bothering you? You’ve been getting distant. You know you can tell me” “Nothing” I took her face and made her look at me. Her hazel eyes were so dark, her breath irregular. “Sarah” I said once more, “Tell me” and she did, but with actions.  
Her lips were over mine, she was kissing me, I felt her warmth, her desperation, this… this is not okay. A million thoughts went through my head; I pushed her at arm’s length.  
“We are, we are sisters” I stammered, my body shaking, my heart beating so fast. “No, we’re not” and she kissed me again, so hard, pouring into me all her frustration, her desire, her jealousy, her love for me into that kiss. My body responded on its own, a fact that stunned me was that all the admiration that I felt for her was a lie, it was attraction, a very intense, physical attraction increased by her no nonsense attitude, we had to be crazy, we were identical, this was not possible, but it was. The following days, the secret kisses became more passionate, more intense, the caresses more bold, traveling to places that in theory we shouldn’t reach. One night that Mrs. S went out with Alison and Cosima to dinner, we invented excuses to be left alone. In the darkness of our room, we were skin against skin, whispering words of love to each other, getting lost in the bliss of passion, but above all, that night, I gave her my heart.  
______________________  
“Guys I’m out”  
“What? Are you out your mind, Sarah, we are three days away of prom night”  
“Forget about the bet, yeah?” If you want split the money between you two, but I’m not doing this”  
“I don’t think that’s possible anymore Sarah”  
“Bloody hell Bob, speak clear to me”  
“Well, by mistake I told a couple of guys and they also bet, and…”  
“You son of a bitch! Why did you do that?”  
“Wait Sarah, that’s not all”  
“What do you mean Sherry, what else?”  
“Stephen Riggs made a bet as well, that he was going to bed your sister “  
“WHAT? I’m going to fucking kill him!”  
“Sarah, chill, Rachel is not stupid like Angie, eh? She is not going to fall for that, besides we have around 2500 CAD in bets”  
“Holy shite, you serious?”  
“Yup, so you are stuck ‘til end my friend, three more days and that money is yours”  
_________________  
“Sarah, nothing is going to happen, trust me, I couldn’t tell Stephen that I changed my mind, he is my date, nothing more”  
“Just be careful, yeah? By the way, you are gorgeous” She kissed me softly, before a honk interrupted us.  
“Most be that dickhead. I’ll see you at the gym” She kissed me once more before leaving the room.  
I said my good byes to my sister’s and Mrs. S and went with Stephen to the Prom, or that’s what I thought.  
“Stephen why are we here? This is not the gym”  
“I know, but I think that maybe we can relax first” I followed him; I knew something was off, so I was more weary than ever. Once we were on the room he offered me a drink which I rejected.  
“Well Duncan you don’t waste time” He came to me and pushed me to the wall, kissing my neck.  
“You bastard let me go!” he didn’t let go, I took a vase and broke it in his head, took his car keys and left him unconscious on the floor.  
I arrived a little bit late, but I didn’t miss a thing. Everybody was dancing and having so much fun, and I was being invited to dance by so many guys, but the funny thing is that the only one I wanted on the dance floor was Sarah.  
“Good evening students, hope you are having a great time” principal Hardcastle announced  
“After accounting all your votes we have finally your new queen and king” the room was silent.  
“And now your Prom Queen of 2002 is… Rachel Duncan!” I gasped, it was me, we did it Sarah. The crowd celebrating my victory, it was really special. I went up to the stage to get crowned, I tried looking for Sarah, but she was nowhere to be seen. Then principal Hardcastle name the king of the prom Olivier Duvall. So we went center stage and had our dance. After we finished I went looking for Sarah, I wanted to really celebrate with her.  
“Congratulations Duncan” “I don’t want any problem Deangelis” “Oh no, I wouldn’t do that, but really, congrats, your sister must have made a lot of money out of you, being you here without Stephen means that he lost the bet”  
“What bet?” “Oh you didn’t know? Oops. Bye” She left giggling, leaving with the satisfaction that whatever damage she came to cause was done.  
A bet? What she was talking about, Sarah would have never done something like that, she just wanted to ruin the evening.  
I looked for Sarah, but I saw no sign of her, I asked a couple of people but they didn’t have any clue about her whereabouts. It didn’t make any sense to be here so I started to walk out of the gym, when I remembered I had Stephen car keys, and so forth I detoured to the parking lot, the best thing to do was to leave the keys inside the car, I really didn’t want to deal again with that idiot; abruptly I heard a scream, Stephen.  
“I swear, I didn’t touch her! That psycho broke a fucking vase on my head!”  
“Shut up bastard, I’m going to fucking beat your pretty face!”  
“PLEASE, FOR FUCK’S SAKE I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!!! You win, okay, the money is all yours” The sounds of keys hitting the floor made them notice me. Sarah’s mask of fury was replaced by shock.  
“Oh. My. God.” I was stupefied “It is true, you bet on me”  
“Bob get the fuck out of here, take that scum with you please” Sarah approached me really slowly  
“Rachel, please let me explain” I needed no more confirmation, tears started to fall from my face.  
“How could you?” I said, almost whispering almost like a prayer, like this was just a bad dream. Sarah didn’t said anything.  
“HOW COULD YOU!” I screamed, she was one step away from me, so close but so far away.  
“Rachel I’m sorry, that was a huge mistake I…” [slap]  
“You used me for your own selfish purposes; you manipulated me, YOU LIED! Tell me how much I was worth it, huh?! HOW MUCH?” “2500 CAD” I wasn’t going to crumble in front her, no way, she wasn’t going to see me defeated, at least I was going to try to get out of this with my pride intact.  
“2500 CAD? Wow Sarah congratulations and you even got to fuck me for free” I spitted my anger at her  
“No Rachel, don’t say that, I swear that wasn’t a lie, I love-” “LIES!!!” I interrupted   
“I was a fool, but I thank you for waking me up, I now see the world like it is, dark and cold. I promise you Sarah Manning, that one day we will come to terms”  
I went back home, straight to my room, I ignored Cosima and Alison trying to find out what happened, but the humiliation was too much, the pain too raw to ever speak of this again. I cried all the tears I had left over my pillow, to never cry again. Sarah slept in the couch for the rest of our coexistence, as soon as I got accepted in college I left to never return, I distance myself from my sisters and in the process ruining that precious bond that we used to share.


	12. The Calm Before the Storm

“Crap” I woke up suddenly, all sweaty and with a huge headache. Terrible idea to drink the damn scotch, instead of giving me peace, it gave me more pain; I looked at the clock on the wall, 8:17 pm. I had 40 minutes to get ready for the fans meeting and packing the rest of my things. I headed to the shower and bathed quickly. I combed my hair and I looked at the woman reflected in the mirror. I had braces no more, short blonde hair, hazel eyes, everything was pretty close to how I was 10 years ago, except that behind that look, there was emptiness, no warm; when was the last time I smiled? A real smile that is; I was a different woman, I trusted no one, I only relied on my own abilities to get what I wanted, always alone, no mattered how many partners I shared my bed with, I never stayed too long to care, because you fucked me up Sarah, all I could see was you.  
I finished all my pending stuff and went to the conference hall; the lobby seemed pretty packed now that the fans were arriving, the line to enter the conference hall was pretty long, I could see Art and his team doing security checks and keeping an eye on things. I moved through the hotel staff to get to the back door of the hall, I wanted to see my musicians once more to make sure everything was set up as planned. While walking through the halls of the hotel to reach my destination I heard a very well-known british accent, Sarah’s, who was kind of exalted. I got close enough to hear her conversation.

“Bloody hell Cosima, are you serious?”  
“I told you Sarah, I’m sure of it, and is not that I’m going to get married immediately, first she has to say yes”  
“Don’t you think it’s too soon?”  
“Alison, don’t give me more crap please, she means the world to me, why can you not understand I’m not asking for your approval, I need you support, but if you’re not going to have my back, that’s fine”  
“No Cos, you will always have us, yeah? I think that is too soon but you know what you’re doing”  
“I agree, so when are you planning to pop the question?  
“As soon as we get to Paris, before the day of the concert”

I heard enough, I moved on to where Paul and company where waiting. This was a very interesting development; Cosima was going to ask Delphine to marry her, how sweet, too bad that I had to put an end to it. It was time to put to good use the drug I bought from Katja, Cosima was going to get her heart broken and in the process Sarah as well. In just a few days, that relationship was going to end, I just had to plan accordingly to manage the time Delphine was going to be free, if Cosima was going to do it the day before the concert I had to arrange a series of activities to keep Delphine busy until I was ready to put the plan into action.  
I got into the room where Paul, Donnie and Delphine were talking about random stuff.  
“Oh hey Rachel, did you rest? Paul, as always the charmer  
“A little bit, there is so much to do in so little time” I wasn’t going to admit that I felt like shit.  
“I want to discuss really brief the plan for when we arrive in France. Obviously the press will be focused on you Delphine, since it’s where you grew up, I think that if we arrange an exclusive interview one on one, you will be able to do more with your bandmates, so I’ll make the arrangement and the day before the concert you interact with them, later we can have a private meeting with very important people in the business with the three of you, after we do that I can give you the rest of the night free. I want you to enjoy as much as possible the traveling as well.”

“Parfait, I like this idea, one interview in exclusive will give me more room to enjoy Paris”  
“Exactly what I was thinking Del, I know it’s important for you to reconnect with your past”  
“All right, is it going to be a formal event Rachel?” Donnie asked  
“Oh no, the idea is to mingle with the suits for a while, you be yourself”  
Once we finished discussing the logistics of our next tour stop, it was time to head to the hall to start the Q&A with both bands. Felix made the introduction to the wild crowd, who were now seated and ready to interact with their favorite members.  
The Q&A took around 35 minutes, the guys answered all types of questions, that’s why is good to have this opportunities, a serious journalist would never have the balls to ask about magical hair, playlists or favorite food. After the Q&A the autograph session started, the staff arranged the participants in two lines, one for The Monitors and one for The Orphans. The fans brought postcards, CD’s, magazine covers, concert DVD’s, any object where they could get a signature. Everybody was having a great time, the boys, the fans, Sarah. Damn it Rachel, could you stop paying attention to her? Stupid question, you already knew the answer, no. I got close to The Orphans table; I wanted to watch closer Sarah’s interaction with the people who admired her, who were crushing on her, who dreamed of her. She was happy to please, to return their affection, she received gladly the gifts some fans gave her, she signed each item, writing personalized messages, and it was a beautiful sight, if I had not change I’ll probably be swooning at her.  
“Here you go, thank you for coming” she greeted the next fan  
“Hey there, how are you?”  
“We finally meet, sestra” the weird woman wearing the green parka answers with a thick accent, maybe russian  
“What?” Sarah shows some confusion  
“I have been waiting for this moment. I knew you would come”  
“Ah, okay, sure, let me sign this for you, yeah? What’s your name?”  
“Helena”  
“All right, here you go Helena”  
“You’re different from the others”  
“Yeah I am”  
“They are not like us”  
“Like us? What do you mean?”  
“I can see a light in you and I am the light, because we have a connection, can you feel it?”  
“There’s a light in all of us”  
“No, NO! The others - poor copies” The woman suddenly looked at me  
“Sheep, you are not going to take away sestra from me” she put on her hoodie and left  
I gulped, that woman, Helena, was creepy as hell, Sarah turned around and looked at me, I felt kind of exposed so I returned to the side of The Monitors. That was one of the downsides of the showbiz, dealing with the crazy fanatics. Still it got me thinking, sheep, what did she mean by that?  
______________________  
“cela m'a laissé épuisé” “You said what Del?” “Oh, that this left me tired Paul”  
“I agree, guys, thank God the flight is short” Donnie got up from his spot and went to the lobby.  
“Oui, we are not spending too much time flying, that gives us more time to relax”  
“You coming Del?” “I’ll go with Cosima, so go ahead Paul”  
“Okay, see you on board” Paul went to join Donnie  
I definitely wanted to take advantage of every single minute I had available to be with Cosima. I approached the table where she was with her sisters. Like usual Sarah would look at me like she was on the verge of jumping my throat, she didn’t trust me. Alison was indifferent but still, there distrust hurt me, I wanted to show them that my feelings for her sister were authentic, yet I had to be patient, this was going to take some time. Cosima noticed me and her face brighten up, mon Dieu! how much I loved her smile, that cheeky grin of hers was designed to cause fainting, my heart was already beating at 100 mph.  
“Bonsoir, ma chérie” I kissed her softly  
“Hey Delphine, that sweater really looks good on you”  
“Merci, mon amour, it was a lovely gift” she blushed deeply, I never got tired of her reactions.  
“All right you two, get a room yeah?” Sarah snarked.  
“Geez, Sarah you are a party pooper. Don’t mind her, my French puppy, let’s go and sit together”

I laughed at her embarrassing comment “French puppy? That is the best name you can come up with” she took my hand while walking towards our transport “I think it suits you well, because seriously Delphine, you are the cutest thing ever, like an actual puppy” again she made me laugh, she always made me laugh.  
During our flight Cosima sat next to me, she had her head on my shoulder and my arm was surrounding her. It felt so good to be like this, talking different topics, from food to movies, books and music, I could talk to her about the most trivial things and she still would offer new insight, that was Cosima, a box full of surprises.  
We finally arrived at France, my birthplace. I was so overwhelmed to be back, after being 5 years away from home I couldn’t be happier. We picked up our luggage and went straight to the hotel, once the check in was arranged, I went to my bedroom with Cosima. She didn’t gave me chance to settle, one foot inside the room and she was kissing me, her hands all over me, the time spent apart too much to wait any longer, we were soon in bed, caressing and kissing, nipping, biting, licking, all the things lovers would do because the need for one another was too much to bear, the necessity to become one, the longing to share the same space too intense; with her, every nerve ending was sensitive, increasing my desire, burning my insides until the release came and my lips said her name.  
“So, welcome home Delphine” Cosima’s head was lying on my chest while I held her in my arms.  
“Oui. Je suis de retour à la maison” I kissed her head. “Tell me a little about young Delphine”  
“Well there is not much to say, I was a boring girl”

“Ha, I don’t believe that, a rock drummer boring? That is not possible” “I was a very obedient girl, I never gave trouble to maman. I got good grades, I was surrounded by good friends” “And how did you end up playing drums in a rock band?” Cosima asked curiously.  
“I was around 15 years old, on the way back from école there was this café where a band played. I stopped there and I would listen and pay attention to the rhythm of the drums. I started playing the same rhythm with pens or whatever object I could use as drumsticks. One day the drummer noticed and he offered me to play. I caused quiet the impression, and since that day he offered me lessons. Monsieur Jacques was his name. When graduation came I knew that I wanted to pursue music, so I enrolled in the American School of Modern Music, that’s why I have a background in jazz, that’s how I started in music. My maman thought that jazz was more appropriate for a career than rock, still I went to different restaurants and bars to apply for part-time jobs as a rock musician. I auditioned for many groups until I found one that took me in.”  
“Wow, that is really a cool story”

“Not at all. Anyway, I got my degree and everything was going well until we had to move. My maman is a painter, and things were quite difficult here, therefore she called some relatives we had in Canada and five years ago we moved to Québec, where she has a gallery of her own. I lived with her a year and a half, simply because I couldn’t give up on music, I moved to Toronto where I kept trying getting in the music industry, in the meantime I worked at a café until lady luck smiled at me and I ended being in The Monitors.”  
“That is a beautiful story babe, you are a very persistent woman, and I love that” she kissed my chin and my neck “How does your schedule looks for tomorrow?  
“Let me see, I know that Rachel told us that we were having an interview and a meeting tomorrow, at evening. Morning is free and probably after 9:00 pm”  
“That’s perfect, don’t you dare make plans after your meeting because I want to take you to a nice place for dinner, I promise you that is going to be something really special” she winked.

“Then tomorrow morning I’m showing you around. I’ll take you to where I grew up, I’m going to show you my old apartment, the places I used to visit, and of course a mandatory tour to the Eiffel Tower, the Musee de Louvre or probably you’ll find the Catacombs more entertaining, we can have a walk through the Champs Elysees, so many places to go, in short, we better go to sleep early or else we won’t have time tomorrow for all the things we have to do”  
“Sleep early? I don’t know about that Delphine, you know I’m still full of energy and I have some crazy ideas to put to the test with you”  
“Crazy ideas? Mon Dieu you are a little devil ma chérie, but how can I deny such request, when you look at me like that”  
“Now that we have reached an agreement it’s time to get back to work. Tomorrow I am absolutely certain that is going to be a day to remember” and with that she got down to business.


	13. The Game

“Bonjour, mon amour” I kissed Cosima’s temples, spreading kisses on her neck and chin. “Hmm, good morning sunshine” she took my face and pressed my lips firmly.  
“Did you sleep well, ma chérie?” she rolled on top of me “Perfectly fine, and waking up like this makes me want to eat a certain French blonde for breakfast” “pas maintenant, nous avons des choses à faire. Right now we have to shower and leave” I moved away from her embrace and walk right into the shower, of course, she followed. Instead of a quick shower we ended fooling around longer than we should.  
We dressed up and headed to the hotel restaurant to grab breakfast. Cosima spotted her sisters; in the opposite side I saw Paul and Donnie. “Well I should join my guys, you go and eat with your family” “Come with me Delphine, their not that bad” “I think I’m not ready for that, you know I’m not appreciated very much by Sarah, let’s give her more time to get used to us dating, oui?” “Okay. Soon, I promise” I frowned at her strange remark; nevertheless I went to the table where my bandmates were sitting.  
The guys and I discussed several ideas for one of the songs we were working on, it was pretty clear that half of the album was going to be more about finding love, discovering in the weirdest of places your soul mate, fighting for love, in general, it was based all on my experience during the tour, ergo, all songs were related to me and Cosima. Clearly Paul wanted to add more balance to the general tone of the album which right now was all fluff and to find inspiration for something darker, well, I wasn’t in the mood to write angsty-ish lyrics.  
“Hi, how are my superstars today?” Rachel looked really enthusiastic; I wondered what might put her in such a good mood. We all said hello to her and listened.  
“Don’t forget that tonight we have a lot of things that require your attention. Delphine, your exclusive interview is schedule at 5:00 pm, it will probably take an hour. Boys you will add comments to that interview when Delphine is done, so don’t get lost. At 7:00 pm we have a party with some executives from different music labels, radio stations and promoters, we might get a huge deal, so it’s important that you, above anything else focus on providing your best looks and behavior. By 9:00 pm you are free to do whatever you please” Rachel finished giving us all the instructions, said her good byes and left.  
Finally I joined Cosima outside the lobby, who was accompanied by her bodyguard “Hello Ms. Childs, you are joining us in our tour de Paris?” “Beth is just fine, and yes I’ll be both your escort; don’t worry about me being a hindrance to your romantic escapade, you’re not going to notice me, so enjoy with confidence” I blushed when she said about romantic escapade, I never thought this trip of us would be considered such a thing, but I guess that’s how everyone views it, after all we were a couple, so the most logical conclusion was romantic getaway.  
I have to give that Beth was right, I never noticed, nor see her around our tour. I took Cosima to my neighborhood; I showed her where I lived, the places I used to frequent. We had a walk on the park while eating ice cream, later we enjoyed the scenery for a while, sitting quietly on the grass, under the shadow of a tree, kissing and caressing each other, until of course, some weird guy with a camera started to harass us. Beth was like lightening; she came out of nowhere and scared the hell out of that guy. “Better keep moving ladies, it’s probable that there are more photographers on their way” We stood up and moved on to our next destination, the Tour Eiffel.  
We had to wait in line quite some time, but I didn’t care how much we had to wait, provided Cosima was on my side, her face was a full excitement, she was having such a good time. When we finally had our chance to enter we headed tone of the restaurants on the first floor. After lunch Cosima decided to walk to the top of the tower instead of using the lift, when we reach the top, Cosima’s face was of complete awe.  
“Oh my God Delphine, this is breathtaking” “Oui, c'est vrai. There you can see the Arc de Triomphe in the Champs Elysées” I signaled with my finger, and there is the Palais Galliera and the Palais de Tokyo” I took her hand and guided her to east side of the Tour. “In that faraway place is the Louvre, which is located close to the Palais Royal and the Musée d’Orsay” We spend around two hours here, but now it was time to go.  
“Hey Delphine, can we go now to the Louvre, I always wanted to see firsthand the Venus de Milo, you know, me being such an admirer of the female anatomy” she grinned “Brat. You just want to go to the musée to enjoy naked women” I complained “Hey, I’m devoted to the art, I wouldn’t get mad if we saw besides The Wedding Feast at Cana or the winged Victory of Samothrace, let’s say Odalisque” she made me smile “We better get going, it’s going to take us a lot of time to get in”  
After finally getting inside the Louvre we had to select the masterpieces Cosima wanted to see, or else we could get stuck in here the whole day; my heart was a complete mess, seeing Cosima this excited was like watching a kid in a candy store, she was really cute being like that. Unfortunately, it was time for me to get back to do my interview; we finished our route and met Beth at the exit. She drove us back safely and sound, “Thank you for your help Beth” I offered the bodyguard my thanks, and she nodded in response and she kept going.  
We were on our way to the lift when Cosima got intercepted by her sister Alison “Could you explain why you took Beth with you?” “Aaah, because she was available?” “That is bullshit. You could have gone with Raj” it seemed to me that her sister wasn’t in a good mood “Alison, are you making me a scene because Beth is spending more time guarding me than you?” Alison cheeks got red “You know what? forget it, I’m not discussing this” and she left.  
“Okay that was weird, is your sister always this stressed?”  
“Most of the times, yeah; don’t mind her, that was jealousy speaking. She has some unresolved matters with Beth”  
“vraiment? Never crossed my mind” I got close to her, I put my arms around her smaller frame and kissed her. “I have to go now, but I’ll meet you later here at the lobby, 9:00 pm, dáccord?” “I’ll be on time, I promise” and we kissed one more time before departing to our rooms.  
___________________  
“Remember Delphine, make sure that you take advantage of the exposure to promote the upcoming album, tease but don’t give much.” Rachel was lecturing me like I was an amateur.  
“Rach, don’t worry it’s going to be all right, I know it’s my first solo interview but I know what I have to do, relax, oui?” I put my hand over her shoulder in reassurance. “Okay, then, let’s go”  
We went to one of the smallest conference room in the hotel; in there, the TV crew that came for the interview was awaiting. Rachel went in first and greeted a couple of people, and then she approached a young woman and made me signs to go with her.  
“Delphine, this is Danielle Fournier, she is the host of MTV France top 10” I extended my hand “Enchantée de faire votre connaissance” “Enchantée Delphine” Danielle shook my hand in return  
“All right ladies I leave you two to work, I’ll see you at the party, Del?” “Oui, oui” Rachel gave me a kiss on the cheek and got out of the room.  
[speaking French]  
“Good evening friends, and welcome to another weekly countdown of the ten songs that are rocking the charts. Tonight we have an exclusive interview with none other than, according to Hard Rock Mag and Rolling Stone, the sexiest drummer alive, Delphine Cormier”  
“Thank you for your time Delphine, I know that your band is very busy”  
“Thank you for having me”  
“Welcome home, I know it’s been a while since you came back”  
“Yes, five years. I really missed my friends here. But it’s been really crazy with the promotion of our first album and now being part of this tour, I wouldn’t change this for anything”  
The questions kept coming, we discussed about the fans, their response to our music, funny stories with Paul and Donnie, future plans, the new album.  
“Well guys, you enjoyed our number 2 hit of the week, I Didn’t want to Fall for You, by The Monitors, not bad at all”  
“Not bad, I am very grateful that people liked the song”  
“I like the video very much, you put so much emotion behind those words, and the images are breathtaking, good job”  
“Thank you, that was an idea Paul and I discussed, how we could portray the bitter sweetness of the situation, Donnie gave us great visual ideas”   
“And now in number 1, for the third straight week, You’re Damn Right, by The Orphans.”  
“That’s a good song, I’ll give them that”  
“Speaking of Orphans, Cosima Niehaus. How that happened? She is a very wild girl Delphine”  
“Yes she is, and it just happened. I don’t know how or when, but something changed in me. I’ve never met any of The Orphans in person before this tour. The first time that I saw her face to face, it was a total shocker. And when the tour started I got to know her better, you would be surprise of how sweet and brave she is.”  
“How do you describe the rivalry between your band and The Orphans?”  
“I don’t think there is rivalry, even though we both aim for making rock music, we have a lot of differences, they are more rebellious and there lyrics are very empowering. We tend to focus on other aspects of life, love, heartbreak, even the way we portray ourselves its different. Making comparisons it’s inevitable; nonetheless we focus on our own things and not what the press says”  
“To conclude, would you say that your relationship with Cosima is beneficial for both groups”  
“Me and Cosima is that, just the two of us, we are respectful of each other’s group, we might offer advice but only when asked. We only care about our mutual feelings and the love for each other, not the bands.”  
“Wow, it’s amazing that between all that rivalry there is space for love, congratulations and best wishes to both of you”  
We concluded the interview and I bid farewell, now time to go to the meeting with the executives.  
“Hello Del, how was the interview? Made us look good?” Donnie hugged me when I arrived.  
“Donnie, you doubt me? How could you” I said jokingly. He laughed while grabbing a drink “There is Paul, he might introduce you some people”.  
I walked straight to Paul, I wanted to do this as quickly as possible, I wanted to be ready to be on time to meet Cosima, I had around 45 mins. to say hi to this people and go to my room to change.  
“Bonsoir Paul” I kissed him on both cheeks “Hey Del, let me introduce you some people from the radio” I followed Paul and met tons of people, I talked random things, the only thought I had was Cosima, I was tired of talking and saying hello. When I spend time with Cosima everything seemed more enjoyable, this morning was a total bliss, there was not enough time to be with her; here time seemed to go slow, greeting more people, chatting, sharing information to promote the band.  
“Delphine!” Rachel came to me “What an amazing job, the network was really satisfied with your interview, here you go” she handed me a glass of champagne “I propose a toast for success, cheers” “à votre santé” we clicked the cups and drank. “I think that you left a real good impression, this interview will be released in one week according to the producer” “that’s great, it might help…” I suddenly felt dizzy “You were saying?” Rachel said “oui, that it might help the tour in other cities” my sight was starting to get foggy, I tried to blink to try to improve it, but it wasn’t working. “Delphine? Are you okay?” Rachel touched my arm “You are cold, Del and also a little pale” “I don’t know I feel suddenly so weird” “Okay let me help you, let’s go Del I got you” Rachel took my arm and guided me out of the party and into the lift.  
Once we reached my floor Rachel walked me to my room, she help me get to my bed, where I seated. “Let me get you some water” Rachel headed to the small fridge, meanwhile I closed my eyes, and I tried to massage my temples to try to ease the dizziness. “Here you go, Delphine” “Merci Cosima, I mean Rach” I drank the cool water, still nothing improved, I closed my eyes once more, I felt a warm hand over my cheek. I open my eyes again. “I’m here Delphine” “Cosima?” “You are so cold, but don’t you worry I’m here to take good care of you” “I don’t know ma chérie, everything is so confusing, my head is spinning” “You need to lay down, let me help you take your clothes off” I undressed and lay in my underwear “That’s good babe, I’m going to keep you warm” We were holding each other, she kissed my neck, bit my ear, her hands were on my arms, giving me heat, she kissed me, I responded to her demands, but something was off, I wasn’t sure what was it, my eyes saw Cosima but… I don’t know. She kept kissing me, going to my collarbone and then my neck, I released a soft moan, I felt like I was floating, dreaming, living a fantasy, where are the dreads?  
“OH. MY.GOD.” I opened my eyes startled, that voice, but how? I raised my sight and there she was.  
“Cosima?”  
______________________  
Shit, as always late, it was already 9:20 pm, Cosima, seriously, you have to be late on the day you are going to propose? I walked as fast as I could and preparing to apologize to Delphine, I arrived at the lobby but no sight of her, maybe she went to buy a drink or something, I’m going to ask at the front desk anyway. “Dude, excuse me, have you seen around a tall blonde woman by the name of Delphine?, she probably was waiting around here for some time now” “Non, mademoiselle, your friend has not been here” “Thanks” I resumed my search of Delphine on the lobby, I went to the bar to check it out, no one at the bar or any table. Oh crap, what if she got mad? No, no, no, she knows me too well to anticipate my delay. Ok, then she must be outside having a smoke.  
I went to the entrance of the hotel and walked around looking out for her, a couple of people were smoking, still she wasn’t here. All right, the most logical thing is that she got stocked in her meeting with those execs. I went to the front desk again “Hi, do you know in what salon the event with The Monitors is being held? I think my lady friend is still there” “Second floor miss, but is a private event” “Man, I’m an Orphan, trust me I’m getting in there” I gave him a cocky smile and moved on.  
Just like I thought, from all the voices coming through the door it was obvs that this event wasn’t over. No one was paying much attention so I sneaked in. Luckily the room wasn’t that big and for me it was going to be easier to spot Delphine, I put my hand over my coat pocket to make sure that I was still carrying the box, me being such a mess, it was a miracle that I hadn’t lost it. I kept looking around, though she was nowhere to be found. The one I spotted was Paul, which was the most reliable source I could ask.  
“Hey Paul”  
“Cosima? How did you…Forget it, what do you want?”  
“Dude I’ve come in peace, I’m looking for Delphine”  
“Delphine? She left like an hour ago with Rachel, I believe”  
“Really? Ok man, thanks, I’ll check in her room”  
Okay now I was getting pissed, if she left early what on earth could she be doing with Rachel? Better go check that she is not busy or my plan is going to go to hell. I reached the lift and press her floor. It felt like an eternity but I finally arrived, I started to walk when I encountered Sarah.  
“You still around here Cos?, I thought you were already on your knees asking the god damn question”  
“Looking for her, apparently something came up”  
“All right, good luck, yeah?” she kept walking towards the lift  
Just a couple more steps and here I was in front of her door, now where the hell I left the card key? I checked my coat pockets, nope, ah in the damn handbag, right. Once I find the card, I insert it in the lock and the door opens, “Hey Del...” I hear a moan, what the fuck. I kept walking.  
“OH. MY. GOD.”  
“Cosima?”  
There she was, with fucking Rachel, in her bed, kissing. I was in total shock.  
“I am so stupid”  
“Cosima non!, this is not..this is-” I cut her in “How could you!? Sarah was right, you were just playing games” my voice was cracking, but I was not going to shed a single tear, not in front of her.  
“Cosima, s'il vous plaît, this is a mistake, I don’t know how this happened!” Delphine came to me  
“I wanted to trust you”  
“This is not a lie” she tried to reach me “How can you say that Delphine?” “Because you feel it!”  
“Don’t touch me.” I moved away her arm  
“It seems that I won’t need this after all” I took out from my pocket the box and put it over a table with rage.  
“Mon Dieu! Cosima…”  
“I’m out” I turned around and I closed the door as hard as I could. I leaned on the wall and I crumbled, crying, totally destroyed.  
“Shite! Cosima what the fuck” Sarah came rushing to my aid, but there was nothing she could do.  
“You were right about Delphine” I said sobbing. “I can’t. I need to be alone” I got up and ran to the stairs. I needed to disappear.  
“FUCK, BEEEETH” Sarah called for her bodyguard.  
“Jesus Sarah what’s up with the scandal?” Beth peered into the hallway  
“Follow Cosima, she took the stairs, she is not okay, make sure that she doesn’t do anything stupid. GO.” Beth immediately followed instructions and ran after Cosima.  
The door of Delphine’s room opened suddenly, the French woman was a mess; she walked out of her room and looked both sides of the corridor.  
“Cosima!!!” she called hoping for an answer.  
“Oi Delphine, what did you do!?” Sarah grabbed Delphine   
At that moment another known person came out of the French’s room. Rachel. As soon as Sarah noticed she released the grip on Delphine.  
“I am really sorry Del” Rachel said flatly  
“Bloody hell. YOU!” Sarah growled  
“Delphine, stay in your room, yeah? No point going after Cos right now, give her time to chill” Sarah said while staring at Rachel.  
Delphine walked like a zombie, her stare lost, she bowed her head and entered her room, she looked over her table, and there was the box, Cosima’s box. She approached slowly, grabbed the case and opened it. “Merde” and she cried.


	14. Broken

“You had something to do with this” Sarah accused  
“Sarah please, don’t be ridiculous. I don’t have to give any explanation to you, now if you’ll excuse me I have sleep to catch” I kept going to the elevator, but she caught my arm.  
“Do you have any idea!? Our sister is destroyed; she was going to propose and finding her girlfriend with you, is the lowest thing you could have done”  
“I am deeply sorry Sarah, I’ll make sure to apologize to her”  
“You bitch! No apology can erase the pain of what she just saw; you broke a relationship for fucks sake!”  
“Bingo. And now you understand, don’t you?” Sarah kept silent, processing what I just said.  
Sarah took a deep breath before giving me her reply “This is what you wanted, your revenge, this is how you felt, isn’t it? But why Cosima? She was innocent, and right now she might be at the verge of doing something stupid!”  
“You want me to fix this? You know I am a businesswoman Sarah”  
“What do you want?”  
“I think you already know” Yes, she knew, the signs were obvious: how she gulped, and the way her eyes darkened with lust. But she wasn’t going let me have my way; she was going to fight it to very end.  
“Meet me tomorrow after the concert; I rather have you tired than feisty”  
“That’s it? You’re going to fuck me and you’re going to come clean about this shite?”  
I smiled in utter satisfaction, she could handle a shagging, I knew that, therefore I was obliged to use other techniques to tame the lioness; I was going to have so much fun with her.  
“You have my word”  
___________________  
The ring was dazzling, white gold, on top two tiny diamonds surrounding a beautiful ruby, which reminded me of her. She was going to propose tonight, mon Dieu!, she was going to ask me to marry her. How this disaster occurred? How? Why? I had so many questions, my head was still hurting, and everything was still a bit blurry, I wasn’t even sure of what just happened, yet I remember her expression of disbelief, of disgust. Oh Cosima “oui” that would have been my answer mon amour.  
Reality was that I was kissing Rachel, though I swear it was Cosima, how on earth I got so confused, I didn’t drink that much; in bed with my ex-lover, that was the worst possible scenario. How could I speak to Cosima after she saw this? there was not going to be another chance for me to explain things, what could I say? I was feeling bad, Rachel helped me get to my room and out of nowhere I thought it was you and I kissed her, even though I knew something was off but I kept doing it? Please Delphine, no one is going to believe that, you broke her trust, and that is the thing that hurt the most. I knew that this was really the end, no way she was going to forgive what I did.  
I kept holding the ring like my life depended on it, it’s weight and shape comforting me, my head providing all possible sceneries of Cosima’s proposal, I bet it was going to be awkward and sweet, she was a truly romantic when it counted, all the endless possibilities, the way her faced would express her feelings, her smile, what if she knelt?, I couldn’t stop my mind for seeking refuge in a fantasy, a proposal that would never be.  
I took a cold shower to try to clear my mind, the fogginess dissipating little by little. I looked myself in the mirror, my eyes were red and my pupils dilated, like if I was drugged. But I don’t do drugs, that hypothesis was incorrect, and I was pretty sure I wasn’t drunk. Merde! This was a complete mess. I needed to give an explanation to Cosima, or at least try to make her listen to me, yet I had no idea what to say that was credible, even though it was the truth. I grabbed a bottle of fresh water and drank all of it. I felt really thirsty, what the hell was wrong with me?.  
I went to bed and took once more the ring; again, the view of it sent me into sadness and depression, this ring was the symbol of our love, a pure and truthful one, this horrible situation couldn’t destroy it, I would never accept that. I put the ring into my necklace, I would wear it until there was no hope for this love, I clasped it in my fist and let more tears clean my broken soul.  
__________________  
After I left the hotel I kept walking without any direction in mind, I just wanted to be as far away as possible, my chest was hurting, the cold numbing my senses, yet I kept going with no clue to where I was headed. No matter how much I tried to focus on something else, my mind kept replaying the damn thing over and over, the way she was embracing Rachel, all so familiar, her hands traveling on her back, fuck, I needed to stop this.  
I needed to clear my mind, I wish I had a joint with me, maybe if I went to a club I could buy some. Seriously, how can she not know what the hell happened? It’s pretty obvious that Rachel and I are extremely different, well, regarding our attitude because the rest is exactly the same; nevertheless even wasted, she must have been able to tell the difference, I think, shit. Now I was trying to find a plausible excuse for her, how fuck was that?.  
I don’t know for how long I kept walking, but my feet were killing me, I checked my surroundings and I recognized the place. Goddammit Cosima, how on earth did you ended on Delphine’s neighborhood?. I had to be the unluckiest girl on the planet right now, my girlfriend lies to me to fuck my sister, who was her ex-lover, I wanted to put distance and where I end up? I just showed up right on her childhood home. I recognized the tree where we were lying on the floor, my feet started to walk towards that place, I seated and stared into the sky. It was like I could feel her right next to me, feeling the heat of her hand in mine, hearing her laugh, tears started to stream down my face, I took off my glasses and dried my face, I am not doing this. I stood up and decided that the best course of action was getting drunk until unconsciousness.  
After a couple of minutes I finally found a place, there was music coming from inside, hopefully it was crowded enough that no one would mind me. The vibe was good, people chatting and having fun, perfect. I sat at the bar and asked for what I was sure to knocked me down “Hell on Earth please” “Shit, you do you want to die? You can’t handle Bacardi 151” “Beth, so you are going to babysit me, again?” “I am your friend, not your babysitter Cos. You sure you want to drown your sorrows? Tomorrow there is a concert” “I know, but right now I just want to erase myself”  
I can’t remember the number of shots that I drank, I just kept them coming one after the other. The more I drank, the more I felt the sting of betrayal.  
“I love her so much Beth, why did she do this?”  
“I don’t know, maybe Rachel made a pass at her, you know your sister”  
“She was kissing her Beth!” “Okay, okay, lower your voice”  
“I am an idiot, a fool. If she said to me that she loves me back right at this moment, I’ll probably forgive her Beth” “You are just in love Cos, you are no fool and since you are more or less coherent it’s better we leave”  
“I need rebound sex” “The hell you are getting laid like this, you will only feel worst” And right at that moment a Monitor’s song started to play.  
“Shit Beth, you hear that? the odds are not in my favor” “That’s the cue to go” Beth provided me assistance to walk back until we found a cab that took us back to the hotel.  
“All right, here you are Cos. Alison please take care of her” Alison nodded  
“Beeeeth don’t leave me pleash I need to test shomething”  
“What is she taking about Beth?  
“Don’t listen to her Ali, she is completely wasted”  
“Kish me, Ineedtoknooooow” “Cosima I’m not going to kiss you, forget it”  
“Hey! You’re not kissing my-” Alison stopped mid-sentence “my friend, okay?”  
“Fine, chill Alison, I’m not taking ur gurl. Then will ya kish me inshtead?”  
“Jesus, she is mad Beth” “Just let her sleep the drunkenness”  
“Beth?” “What is it Ali?” Alison got closer to Beth and stamped a kiss in the corner of her lip; she traced with her fingertip the scar on Beth’s eyebrow and finally put her hand to rest on her cheek.  
“Thank you for being so good to us, any other guy would just have dumped Cosima here and left, but not you, you’re always making sure we are safe.”  
“Shit Ali, when you say things like that you really put to the test my self-control” Alison blushed while smiling.  
“Good night Elizabeth Childs” Beth turned red, hearing her full name spoken by Alison was the biggest turn on ever. She couldn’t say any word, less much stay or she was pretty sure she was going to kiss the hell out of Alison. In returned she smiled and bolted from the room. Alison checked one more time Cosima before going to her own bed. Little did she know that Cosima was fully awake.  
_________________  
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK  
The sound of someone knocking woke me up.  
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK  
“Honeeeeyyyy I’m hooooome!”  
Mon Dieu! that was Cosima’s voice, don’t tell me that she is the one knocking on my door.  
I stood up and walked towards it, I checked through the peephole, and there she was. I opened the door. “Cosima what are you doing? it’s pretty late and clearly you are in no condition to be out of your room”  
“Whaaat? I can’t come and kish me cheating gurlfriend?” She took me with more force than necessary, kissed me raw, desperate, her hands all over me. I pushed her at arm’s length “non Cosima, not like this”  
“FUCK YOU DELPHINE! You let Rachel touch you but not me?” “Ma chérie, don’t say that!”  
“Then wut isit? Rachel is a better bang than me? Because I can fuck you right here Delphine” “Jésus-Christ, you are drunk Cosima the things you are saying are coming from the booze, not you”  
“You don’t love me, JUST SAY IT!” “Baiser! I love you Cosima, so much, that it pains me seeing you like this”  
“Yeah, it showed” “Oi Cosima, stop the fucking noise. You are coming with me; tonight you’re staying with Beth, yeah?” Sarah took Cosima by the arm and pulled her. “Let me go Sarah! I have to tell her how I feel” “Not like this you dumbass” I don’t know if to be relieved or terrified that Sara and Beth’s room was on the same floor as mine, Sarah took Cosima to their dorm and closed the door. I did the same. My chest hurt so much, hearing those venomous words coming out of her mouth felt worse than any physical pain; my hand went immediately to my necklace, having the ring in my hand I closed my eyes and thought about the meaning, love. Tonight everything went wrong, I was defeated, and there was nothing I could have said or done to ease the pain, to tell Cosima that my heart belonged to her, hopefully tomorrow was going to be a better day to fight for her, to win her back. I held the ring close to my heart and slept.

 

The night of the concert arrived, needless to say that Cosima avoided me at all costs, all day she was in her room, or with her sisters or practicing. Not one single opportunity for us to talk. Well at least, me trying to speak with her.  
I was in my dressing room refreshing myself before we had to go to stage; the noise of the crowd could be heard from here, clearly from the performance that The Orphans were giving right at this moment. Right now Cosima was on stage playing and doing her best, even with the hangover she probably was having. I remembered her hurtful words, how she could believe that I would play with her feelings? I didn’t use her; once I finished my relationship with Rachel I didn’t have any thoughts towards other women, only for her, why she does not believe me. One terrible mistake and all went to hell. Merde, Delphine, remember: show, don’t tell. And you damn well showed her last night, the wrong image of course, but still it happened, there is no denying that the one I kissed and embraced was Rachel Duncan, not her. Huge mistake; THE biggest mistake of my life. Why I couldn’t notice the difference, I remember that it was Rachel the one that took me to my room, the thing is that I don’t know when I saw Rachel as Cosima, I try to recall it yet nothing seems to make sense.  
Vie de merde! Pull it together; you have to play in minutes. It was really important that I didn’t mess up, I was in no condition to perform, I barely slept, my head was still a little bit fuzzy from whatever happened to me last night, but the audience didn’t pay for a crappy performance, I grabbed my drumsticks and started to warm up, a couple of minutes later there was a knock on the door, Paul peeked inside.  
“Del, you ready? We are starting in 10 minutes”  
“Oui, I’m good to go”  
“Delphine? Cosima was like asking for a girlfriend just seconds ago. She sounded dead serious, not like joking with the audience”  
“She did, huh?” I sighed, put my hand over my face; she was determined to leave me behind. Paul sat beside me and put his arm around me.  
“Damn Del, sorry to bring you down” “Not your fault Paul, it’s all on me”  
“Don’t be hard on yourself, shit happens. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be” “No Paul, you have no idea how I ruined it. I can’t lose her Paul” My eyes watered, tears threatening to be released.  
“Shit Del, you really fell for her” Paul hugged me and provided comfort to my broken soul “Listen, if you need me to talk to her or her sisters…” “Non, this is something that I have to fix, merci Paul” He kissed me on the forehead and stood up. “Cheer up, we have to rock on, okay? You know that we have your back” I smiled and nodded in response.  
He was right; I had to focus on the show. I left my room and headed to the ramp that leads to the stage where I met Donnie and Rachel, there was also Beth Childs, The Orphans bodyguard. I took the chance and approached her. “Hello Beth, can I ask you something” “Hi Delphine, you want to know about Cosima?” “Oui, how is she?” “Broken” That was all she said, no need to get into details, I guess.  
The Orphans were finishing their last song, so we had a couple more minutes to prepare. Rachel came close to me “I am truly sorry Del, I should have never kissed you back, if I didn’t, things wouldn’t be like this between you and my sister” “Inutile de pleurer sur le lait répandu, forget it Rachel” The Orphans were done, my sight went straight to Cosima, who came last after her sisters, her face was serious, dark circles under her eyes, she saw me near Rachel and she sighed, what a great moment to have as a manger my ex-lover who happened to be the person I kissed last night, not. She passed me and went her way. “Delphine, I have some business to attend right now, make sure to be with the boys on the airport, we are heading to Marseille right away” “bien entendu” she left us and we waited for the announcer to present us. The crowd went insane, the adrenaline started to pump through my veins, my hands itchy to start, what a wonderful thing to have a refuge in music, my other love.  
__________________  
I left Delphine and headed to look for Sarah. Of course I was going to negotiate, although not the kind of negotiations that I usually perform. I was so eager to have her in my arms, desperate to hear her moaning, I was going to enjoy every inch of her, and she was going to comply, or else, poor Alison was going to start having troubles as well.  
I walked casually in the coffee room, where my sisters were talking with Felix. “Excuse me can you bring coffee to my office, I’ll be dealing with some matters and I’ll be here for a while” I said to a lady from our staff, I turned and looked briefly at Sarah, making sure the she got the message. I got out and returned to my office.  
Five minutes later my coffee was delivered, I kept checking some documents in the meantime. Ten minutes after and I was getting impatient that Sarah hadn’t arrived, I tried to focus on the papers in front of me, but my mind was pleading for her. Sarah must be debating whether to come or not, still, in the end I knew she would give up and come to me, she knew that she had to play with the cards she was dealt, however, the winner hand was mine. Thirty seven minutes later, the door opened and she entered, but who was counting?  
“Hello Sarah” I stood up, and walked towards her, “I was afraid you weren’t going to come”  
“Shut up Rachel, cut the crap, yeah?” I chuckled, oh she was pissed. “Sarah, don’t be mad at me, you know this is for the benefit of your sisters” “OUR sisters, bitch”  
Sweet Sarah, you wanted me to make the first move, didn’t you? Sorry to disappoint you love, it is you who is going to beg for me. I sat over my desk, and unbuttoned my blouse; her eyes immediately went to my cleavage, she moistened her lips, but she holds her ground. I needed to be more persuasive then. I took off completely my blouse, and I started to caress my breasts, I could noticed how her chest heaved up and down, her ragged breath evidence that she was on the verge of losing herself, she needed one more push and she would fall into my hands. I let a moan escape, and that was all I needed, she jumped at me, kissing me fiercely, her hands taking possession of my body, the need and desperation coming at waves, with one hand she swept all the things over my desk and she pushed me down, trailing kisses down my abdomen, eating me alive. I had to remind myself that this was not for pleasure, I was really getting a little carried away now.   
I pushed Sarah to one side so I could straddle her, once on top I took off her tank top, unclasped her bra, and took in my mouth her breast, it was so hot, and she was still a bit sweaty from her concert presentation. She tilted her head backwards giving me complete access to her neck; I licked and tasted her salty flavor and her perfume. I got off of the desk, my hands were working the zipper of her jeans, I needed the piece of clothing out of my way, once they were on the floor I went straight to her sweet spot, she cried in agony, she bit her arm trying to muffle her sounds, my fingers kept working at an intense rhythm while I feasted on her breasts. She rocked her hips following my pace, my other hand went to her thigh, caressing and then I dug my nails on her skin “Goddammit!” she screamed as the pain hit her, still the mixture of pleasure and pain made this more glorious, her core muscle tightening by the minute, just a bit more and she would scream in ecstasy. I kissed her hard, she bit my lip, blood trickled from my mouth and I smiled, she wasn’t going to give up that easily, I went to her neck and sank my teeth while she climaxed “Bloody hell Rachel!” she screamed, her hands clasping my back too hard so I hissed. After the release, my body rested on top of hers and the only sound that could be heard was of our ragged breaths.  
As soon as Sarah recovered, she looked for her clothes and put them on, the mark on her thigh and neck visible to my own pleasure, which was going to leave a nasty mark for days. She headed for the door, but before she could leave I said “It is always a pleasure to do business with you”.  
___________________  
I closed the door and I release a long breath, “Shite, she is fucking crazy, what the hell did she do to me?” my body was filled with markings everywhere, which meant that I had to be careful not to be caught in my undies in front of my sisters or else their inquiries wouldn’t stop. I started walking back to my dressing room to shower when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around quickly and to my surprise it wasn’t Rachel.  
“Hell, where did you come from?”  
“Sestra, I was waiting for you”  
“You’re off your trolley, mate, you can’t be here. Helena, right?”  
“See? you remember me sestra. You feel the connection, yes?”  
“This is rubbish! Look, you need to get out of here or you’ll be in trouble”  
“You are worried about me, you care”  
“You twit aren’t listening, we are not sestras, yeah?”  
“We are family”  
“No meathead, now please go back to where you came from”  
“The sheep is hurting you, I saw you and heard your screams, I will get rid of sheep sestra”  
“Woah, no getting rid of anyone Helena, understand?”  
“You protect her? Why?”  
“She is my sister, yeah? My family”  
“NO! You are wrong-” “Sarah?” Beth’s voice. I turned around to see where Beth was, I returned my sight to Helena but she was already gone.  
“Brill. Yeah Beth it’s me!” I continued my path to meet with Beth, better not make any comments regarding Helena, I didn’t thought she was going to follow us during the rest of the tour, besides my biggest concern was Rachel not a batshit crazy fan. I needed right now a shower and a bed ‘cause the rest of the tour was going to be a pain in the arse.


	15. Forgiveness

The concert in Marseille was a success, the boys and I went to more radio stations to promote our album and of course the show with The Orphans, nonetheless I wasn’t enjoying this anymore, because my other half was mad at me, Cosima felt betrayed, with reason of course, if only she allowed me to explain. The most probable conclusion was that I was cheating on her for a while with Rachel, that I was using her; when in reality all I did was kiss Rachel, in my underwear, on my bed that time, without being really conscious of my actions, for some reason that still eludes me. Merde, I missed her so much, my bed felt cold without her, the only thing that remained of what we had was her proposal ring that now I carried on my necklace.  
Two weeks have gone by and I couldn’t make any progress at all. She avoided me at all costs, her sisters were very protective of her too, so I had less chance to talk to her when they were around, she wouldn’t return my calls or my text messages, all possibilities were closing. Maybe if Rachel talked with her sister to explain the situation, things might be clear enough, but that didn’t seem likely, she could make things worse. I only could rely on the fact that I knew she still harbored feelings for me, no matter how much she despised me at the moment, I don’t think that she magically erased what she felt for me, not when she was going to ask me to marry her, yet the clock was ticking, time was my enemy, with time she would forget me or at least put me in her past.  
“Delphine, are you done with the autographs? Rachel got me out of my reverie.  
“Oui, here are the pictures” I gave her my package of signed pictures.  
“Very good, I’ll take this to the radio station. We will departure tomorrow afternoon so try to take time for yourself”  
“I will Rachel, merci”   
Rachel left me and I was alone again. Maybe I should hang out with Paul and Donnie, I knew that if I stayed by my own I was going to start crying again. I texted Paul to see if they were planning something, a couple of seconds later I got an answer. Clubbing?, well it was better than staying here crying all night, being with friends is what I needed. So clubbing it is.  
I showered and change quickly, grabbed some jeans and a sweater, I wanted to be as comfy as possible. I met with Paul and Donnie at the lobby, there Art drove us to the place.  
“All right guys, enjoy, I’ll be around in case you need me”  
“Thanks Art, we’ll be okay” Paul lead us inside the club, we grabbed a table near the dance floor and Donnie went for some drinks.  
The place was not as crowded and wasn’t s as big as other clubs which made it more easy for us. I grabbed my drink and started to chat with the guys when Beth Childs appear on sight and after her three identical girls, The Orphans.  
“Are you kidding me? From all the places they have to be here as well?” Donnie said, not too happy,  
“Probably Art recommended the place to Childs. If it makes you uncomfortable Del, maybe we should go” Paul said.  
“Non Paul, we came here to have some quality time, my personal issues are not going to interfere with this” I said reassuringly.  
We continued chatting, of course, I couldn’t avoid glancing every minute to her table. She was also talking with her sister, until she noticed me as well. The moment between us awkward, both staring at each other, saying all the things we couldn’t through our eyes. She broke the contact first and resume talking with her sister like I didn’t exist.  
“Del you there?” Donnie asked  
“Sorry Donnie I was distracted. You were saying?”  
“Do you know what’s up with Rachel? Like I said, she’s been suddenly all smiles.”  
“Yeah, I noticed it too” Paul concurred with Donnie  
“I cannot say, my head is somewhere else, but now that you mention it, it is true, she seems more delighted” That was really weird, now that Donne brought the topic, Rachel has been acting strange, is not common seeing her smiling that often, which was very rare, she never smiles.  
I raised my sight to check on Cosima, she was not on her table rather dancing. My stomach made a somersault; that was not something I wanted to see. She was dancing with some girl, who was all smiles and was pretty close to my dreadlock rocker. I didn’t like that at all.  
“Paul, take me to the dance floor, s'il vous plaît” I didn’t wait for his response; I took his hands and drag him all the way to where Cosima was dancing. Once we were near the other couple we started to dance. We both moved to the rhythm, clearly not paying much attention to my partner but to her, always on her. She was dancing so well, moving closer to that other girl, that I wanted to haul that woman out of the club, and tear her pretty face into pieces  
“Jesus Del, you are going to kill me” Paul said out of breath.  
“mes excuses Paul, I was-“ “Yeah I know, you want to choke that other girl, just make sure is not me instead” Merde, the music went from upbeat to slow, this is not what I needed right now. With the change of music Cosima was a breath away from the other woman, their bodies so close I wanted to split them apart and slap some sense into her, the jealousy was eating me alive. This was not helping.  
“I need to go to refresh myself Paul, thanks for the dance” I kissed him on the cheek and went to the bathroom. I am not going to survive this, not if she continues dancing like that, it makes me think on how she moved for me, how her hands were all over me and now into that girl. I entered the bathroom and to my surprise Sarah was there as well. She was looking herself in the mirror when I interrupted, she didn’t seem well to me. Her usual bravado was gone, she seemed lost to me.  
“Bonsoir Sarah, are you okay?”   
“Yeah, I’m good.” I noticed a dark smudge on her neck, which she quickly covered with her black leather jacket. This was a chance to find more about Cosima, even if it meant a black eye after speaking with Sarah, she was the most protective sister ever, and I was glad she was part of Cosima’s life.  
“Anyway Sarah about Cosima-“ “Look, I know things between you are all messed up right now. Tell me, do you love her? Don’t fucking lie to me, yeah? I need to know”  
“Oui Sarah, I swear she means the world to me, I love her very much, though I can’t explain properly what happened with Rachel”  
“No need to explain, I will trust that your words are true Delphine. Don’t give up on her, yeah?” And she left with nothing more to say. I’ll admit that I wasn’t expecting Sarah to believe me, but I was not going to question my luck. Still, it was very strange Sarah’s attitude; I was expecting a punch not blind trust, not when she has always being a beast about to tear me apart in our previous encounters. Sarah Is weird, Rachel is weird, Sarah, Rachel, Sarah…Rachel, Sarah and Rachel, hmm, weird, there is something about those two that has my spider senses tingling. Cosima would have laughed with me about that, Dieu, how I missed having a casual conversation with her. I dismissed my crazy theories regarding Sarah and Rachel and went back with the boys, I kept drinking wine hoping that I could find a way to reach Cosima again.  
__________________  
“Sarah, why did we have to come back? I was having fun” Cosima complained.  
“There is no point staying in the club, we already had a few drinks and that was it. Besides you were not having fun Cos, you were making a show for Delphine” I remarked.  
“She is right Cosima, after Delphine disappeared, you sent that poor girl far away” Alison commented.  
Cosima rolled her eyes “Whose side are you two? Traitors”  
“Cosima, we are behind you all the way, but you are behaving like a child” I opened the door to enter our room and turn on the TV. I had to wait a couple more hours before making my way to Rachel. I knew that I was being a complete idiot for playing her game, but I couldn’t deny that I also wanted to be with her, yes, it was for all the wrong reasons, yet what I felt was stronger than my will.  
“Hey look what I found, it’s Delphine’s interview for MTV France” Alison raised the volume  
“Why are you putting that Alison? Who cares what she has to say?” Cosima remarked  
“I care, after all, she is competition Cos. Put the subs Alison” I seated and watched the Top Ten countdown. Even though Cosima said she wasn’t interested, I could see her seated with the corner of my eye. In another occasion I probably would have ignored the interview, but I needed to make sure that what I saw in Delphine’s eyes was true, and this interview was going to be the answer for that.  
“The sexiest drummer alive? What the hell is that Fournier woman talking about?” Alison complained. “Shh Alison, let me see the damn thing, yeah?”  
The questions about her life in Paris, later in Québec were the first part of the interview. The host continued grilling Delphine on The Monitors album, the tour, the fans, the usual stuff people asked about.  
“HA! Three weeks on number one! Take that Monitors” Alison said seriously excited.  
“Shut up Alison” Cosima scolded Alison. Of course she would pay attention, Delphine was speaking about her.  
“Aaaw that was pretty sweet Cos.” I said. Cosima stood up from the chair and got out of the living room. “Sarah! There was no need to say that” “But it was. Besides didn’t she had that interview the same day that shite hit the fan?” “Yes, I think so” “Alison, I don’t think Delphine lied to Cosima.” Alison looked incredulous “Come on, did you look at her? No one can fake that dreamy idiotic look Alison”.  
I also stood up, I was sure that Delphine really loved Cosima, I recognized that look on her face, because I looked exactly the same ten years ago, probably I’ll still do, just that now I’m really good at hiding these kind of feelings. Somehow Rachel manipulated Delphine, she had to do a thing, I don’t believe that Delphine just threw herself at her, that bitch did something I know it.  
I was heading to speak with Rachel but first I stopped to chat with Cosima, who was smoking pot in her bedroom.  
“Hey Cos, have a minute?” “Yeah, yeah, yeah come in”  
“I think that you should go and talk with Delphine” she rolled her eyes “Sarah come on, what is this? First you want to kick her ass, you tell me to stay away from her and now you want me to go and talk to her to fix things?” “Yeah, I do. I think you two need to talk before it’s really late. You love her Cos, and I know she loves you” “She was with Rachel, you didn’t see it Sarah, it was painful. I don’t think I can talk to her, not when all I see is the two of them kissing and God knows what else if I hadn’t arrived” That made me think in my theory of the involvement of Rachel in this mess, Cosima was looking for Delphine, because she wasn’t were she was supposed to be, Rachel is the only one who could have called for Delphine, since she is her manager. I had to confirm my suspicion with none other than Probitch. “Cosima, I promise you that you are going to be happy, yeah? Whatever it takes”  
I went straight ahead to Rachel’s room, hopefully no one was around, and it was better to surprise her, she was a person of schedules and appointments, if I appeared in her office right now that would be unexpected. Once the lift opened I walked towards her door, I tried the lock and it was open, I stepped in and walked slowly to her office, there was another voice, Paul Dierden. They were talking business; therefore I entered and interrupted their meeting.  
“Hey sis, let’s talk”  
“What the heck Manning, what are you doing here?” Paul stood up from his chair really pissed.  
“None of your business Paul, now get the fuck out”  
“Sarah what on earth is this?” Rachel looked pissed as well.  
“What do you think Rachel?, Should I tell Paul?” If looks could kill, that stare was the one that was going to do it, Rachel was extremely pissed.  
“Paul, leave us” She said it without hesitation, poor Paul was confused regarding our exchange but he obeyed nonetheless and left her room. I turn around and locked the door, I didn’t want any interruption.  
“No one knows about us, it seems. And it’s clearly that you prefer to keep it that way, is that right Rachel?”  
“Yes, better to keep it between us Sarah. Now, I don’t think I called for you.”  
“Oh hell no, this is me being spontaneous. And you know, I’m done with your games.”  
“You are? But why Sarah? We were having so much fun”  
I laughed sarcastically “Yeah, lots of fun leaving my body full of scratches and bites, Rachel. I’m done with this shite. The agreement was that you were going to tell Cosima what you did.”  
“And I will; don’t you think it’s cruel to tell her how I kissed her girlfriend and how we were enjoying it?”  
“Don’t lie, I know you did something to her. I believe Delphine when she says she loves Cosima. You had something to do with her not being able to be on time to her appointment with Cos, you are the only one responsible for this madness.”  
“That sounds crazy, right? For all I know Delphine seduced me”  
“You are such a bitch, how can you say so many lies? Delphine didn’t seduce you, she is in love with Cosima, I know because I have seen the way she looks at her, how her eyes get lost and the only thing she sees in the world is her.”  
“And now you are an expert? How can you be so sure?”  
“I used to have that same look Rachel, remember? Ten years ago, I looked at you exactly the same way as Delphine looks at our sister.”  
“Now who’s lying?”  
“You know it Rachel, deep down you know what happened between us wasn’t a lie. And that’s why you’re afraid. Afraid to let anyone in, you like to hurt people to feel in control, I mean look at me, you have me marked everywhere, that gives you satisfaction, yet you are not happy” I moved closer to her, I needed to make her understand what I was trying to say.  
“You banged me over the desk, on the wall, everywhere but your bed. I don’t think you treated Delphine that way. How I know? because you don’t care about her. You like to hurt me by virtue of my treason to your trust; as long as you can make me pay you will do what you feel you have to do. And that’s fine because I fucking love you Rachel Duncan, always had and always will.”  
“You need to stop Sarah”  
“All right then, you won’t hear me anymore, but I’m not coming back to you, I will tell our sisters what happened between us. Maybe they can forgive me, probably they can understand your crazy reasons to mess with them and possibly forgive you. It’s been ten years of me being regretful, ten years asking for your forgiveness, ten years hiding behind my music, ten years of being a coward. Now I know I did all wrong, instead, I should have remind you of the beautiful things we shared, of the way you made me feel back then and today”  
I took her face between my hands and kissed her, softly, doubtfully, like that first time when she sat on my bed to try to find out what was going on with me. Pouring into that kiss my feelings; trying to erase with love all the hate. I broke the contact between us, I didn’t want to risk it and make this into a physical interaction, I wanted it to mean something. Rachel was blushing, like she used to do when she was nervous. Good sign.  
“I will make you remember Rachel; I swear that I will make you fall in love with me again” I left her in her office in complete shock; she was probably expecting me getting rough on her, not me being all sweet and fluffy. If there was a way to make Rachel forgive me for real was being honest with myself, being sincere with this feeling I’ve been hiding from the world. I think it was time I had a chat with my sisters and tell them the truth, though having this intense schedule I was going to wait until we got to London for our final concert tour in a couple of weeks. In the meantime I was going to woo again that effing robot bitch I was in love with.


	16. In Love and War

We left France after weeks of touring, and then we went to Spain and Portugal. Right now we were in mid-flight to London. The last couple of months were intense, but this final part of the tour drained me more than ever, not because of the concerts, press conferences, fan meetings and promotion alone, it had to do with my current situation with Cosima. After the incident with Rachel she avoided me, flirted more openly with fans and even the staff, which made me feel miserable, angry, sad, desperate and so many negative feelings that I preferred to ignore that behavior as much as I could.  
I always wore around my neck the ring she bought for me, as a reminder that we had loved each other, wearing it with the hope that what she felt for me was still inside her heart; I wasn’t going to give up on her that easily. No matter how many times she rejected my advances to speak with her, I was going to make her listen, and right now I had a new opportunity. I got up from my seat, and walked towards the stewardess.  
“Hello, excusez-moi, can you do me a favor?” I looked at her tag name “ eh, Miss Zingler?” I gave her my best puppy eyed face, which, according to Cosima could get me anything I ever wanted. “Please call me Janika” I gave her my best charming smile in response.  
“Janika then, I’m Delphine” I extended my hand “Enchantée de faire votre connaissance”  
“Oh I know, I am a huge fan” she shook my hand with animosity.  
“Oh really, that’s is very nice of you, merci” “Anyway, Janika, I would like to send a message to a friend, and I was hoping that you would lend me the mic”  
“Oh but I don’t think I should”  
“Janika, I am going to confide in you, right now I am in a bad situation with this friend and I need a chance to make her listen to me, I need to show her that I am capable of everything for her. S'il vous plaît aidez-moi Janika”  
“Are you referring by any chance to Miss Niehaus?”  
“Oh you are well informed Janika, oui it is her”  
“Ich wusste es!, sorry, got I bit carried away. Here, just press this button and all the plane should hear you” she winked at me and moved to a side.  
I breathed deeply; I had to say something meaningful without making it obvious that it was all about her.  
“Hello?” I tested; my voice was heard through the speaker perfectly.  
“May I have your attention please? My name is Delphine Cormier, from The Monitors, maybe you have heard about us, oui?” a couple of Woot! Woot! were heard.  
“Great, thank you for your support. Right now I’m feeling really optimistic, you know, sometimes you have to be brave and try your best, even when things seem rather bad you should insist, never give up, you have to fight ‘til the very end, especially when you know that it’s something or someone who is worth it. Well, as a thank you to all the crew and passengers I would like to share one of my favorite poems by E.E. Cummings; this is for you…”  
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in  
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere  
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done  
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want  
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)  
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant  
and whatever a sun will always sing is you  
here is the deepest secret nobody knows  
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud  
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows  
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)  
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart  
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Well, I heard people clapping, so I guess it wasn’t that bad. I thanked Janika and returned to my seat, but not before taking a look to where Cosima was seating. She looked pretty serious, but when our eyes locked I could sense that the message accomplished its purpose, there was the tiniest glint in her hazel eyes, and hopefully it made her remember how much I loved her, that I would never lie to her about that. She broke contact first and return to her conversation with Sarah, I took my seat and closed my eyes praying that she gave me a chance.  
__________________  
“That was beautiful” Sarah said pensive  
“Okay, where is my sister? What have you done with her?”  
“What? It is true Cosima, it’s a beautiful poem, you should be grateful that Delphine is still wiggling her tail to you, after all your sassy behavior.”  
“She had it coming. Besides, what’s with you, you’ve been acting really out of character Sarah”  
“It’s just that I understand Delphine more than you can think of” She put on her headphones and with that ended the conversation. I raised my eyebrows quizzically; something was really going on with her. Was she in love or heartbroken as well? What did she meant?  
I did not want to talk about Delphine, not with Sarah or anyone, discussing her was troublesome for me, particularly when I knew how persistent she was. Delphine sent me text messages every night, even though I did not replied, doesn’t meant I wasn’t reading them. She sent me dandelions a couple of days ago; the card read I wish I could become the wind, to feel the flower in your arm. Jesus, Delphine was killing my resolve, now she recited poems, this woman was something, and I could not deny that.  
I was alone again; the difference is that the loneliness was the result of Delphine’s absence. In the past I never developed a relationship long enough to feel attached, now I was tied to Delphine. I put my trust and my heart in her hands, and here I was suffering her betrayal. Though her actions were showing me regret, love, affection and asking for forgiveness, yet, I was afraid to trust her again. That was the reality, which was my biggest concern. How could I ever believe her again?  
I looked at Alison and Beth; they were talking as usual, though something had changed. It was the body language of Alison; it was more relaxed, more comfortable. She usually was all tense, but now she let her guard down with Beth. She was trusting that Beth would keep her safe, that Beth would care for her, Alison was trusting Beth with her heart. Holy watershed! Alison was in love with Beth and she was showing it. Months ago Alison doubted herself, denying Beth any possibility to develop a romantic relationship though, here she was, sending a different message, and the flirting, good God, their hands were barely touching yet their fingers played with one another. This is what I called character development, shit.  
This made me remember how Delphine finger’s use to trace my face, her sweet kisses trailing my back, the way she touched my right wrist where the Nautilus was tattooed, tracing the spiral oh so softly, she would kiss each floating dandelion in my left arm to later land in my collarbone and neck. She would say the most beautiful things, some in French and I would be happy to be in her arms. And then, her fucking moans; Rachel on top of her kissing my woman, holy shit. I hated when this happened, my stupid brain playing the damn thing like a movie in slow motion, this was the worst, debating between forgiving or forgetting. My heart wanted her back, my logic dictated that I stay away; I didn’t know what to do. Asking for my sisters advice wasn’t either the best option or maybe it is time that I grow some balls and confront Rachel. That, I could do.  
__________________  
The flight to London was rather quick, once we reached the airport we picked up our things, took the time to attend some fans and we headed to our hotel. The rooms were distributed and I went to take a hot bath, wish I seriously needed. I never expected to be back home, well, at least where my birthparents abandoned me. Not a happy place, until I was adopted by Mrs. S when I was 9.  
It was a huge relief that this was going to be over, after 6 months of promotion, practice and touring this was going to be over in a couple of days. I never expected this to be a complete disaster, not when the plan was to keep my distance form Rachel and her Monitors. It seems that destiny had other plans: Cosima fell in love with Rachel’s girlfriend, Delphine broke up with Rachel and started dating Cosima, Rachel ruined Cosima’s relationship to fuck me up. I was in love with that idiot and I hated her as well for all the shite she had done. Alison and Beth were in the middle of something, if the last couple of weeks serve as evidence, but who knows how’s that going to end now that Rachel was back in pissed off mode. What I knew was certain; I had to tell my sister’s the truth behind Rachel’s bitchiness and that scared me, how they are going to react when they hear that I love our sister, love in the sense a woman loves a man or a woman, as in this case, when they hear that I banged her in our home, in our shared bedroom, bloody hell, that sounded sick as fuck, though I had to tell them, if I could save Cosima and Alison in the process I didn’t care. Damn you Rachel, why I had to fall for you? No matter the number of partners I had during this time, I always thought about you, always posh, evermore so regal and me the complete opposite, rebellious, a disaster, always the trouble maker; I would dare to say that we are a match made in hell.  
KNOCK KNOCK  
“Yeah?”  
“Sarah sorry to interrupt your bubble bath but Felix wants to talk to you, I already told your sisters”  
“Okay, thanks Beth. Oi! By the way, things seemed better with Alison”  
“Well, I don’t want to get my hopes too high, but things seem to be returning to the way they used to, you know, being her shopping wingman and stuff.”  
“Poor Raj, he was getting kind if attached to her, yeah?” Beth smiled shyly  
“See you later” She said before leaving me to finish my bath.

The meeting was pretty quick; Felix was making sure that all was going according to plan.  
“Be on time for practice Cosima, we cannot waste precious time because you are fooling around.”   
“Dude, I’ve been making progress, besides 20 minutes is not that late”  
“Just be there, okay? Alison and Sarah , before practice there is an interview, so who is going to do it?  
“I’ll pass, not in the mood Fee”  
“Great, thank you Sarah you are so helpful” Alison complained, rolling her eyes in defeat.  
“All right, remember tomorrow practice and the day after tomorrow final concert. Thank God!” After this I’m taking vacations you three are a really pain in the arse”  
“We love you too!” I said before Felix left.  
“Hey, do you think we can talk tomorrow after practice? It’s important” I asked my sisters before I flinched. I needed to take this out of my chest, carrying this feelings like they were something evil all this time was eating me alive, tomorrow was the day my sister’s will hear what really happened between Rachel and me.   
“Of course Sarah, whatever you need” Cosima gestured with her hands.  
I took a deep breath and released it slowly “Good” I was starting to freak out, so I said my goodbyes before chickening out for tomorrow’s talk.

I went to the bar and asked for a bourbon, trying to think how to approach this matter, I seriously needed to plan what I was going to say, I just couldn’t blurt out hey, I banged our sister, what do you think?. Crap, that sounded totally wrong. Or what if I didn’t say anything at all, just state my suspicions about Rachel so Cosima can fix her things with Delphine. Shite, that was enough of that, look where all the lying brought me. I finished my drink and when I turned around I saw Rachel speaking with a man. She was in her no nonsense business suit, her slim legs crossed and her hands clasped over the table. The guy was checking her cleavage, son of a bitch. I wanted to take that jerk away from her but of course I had to contain myself. I preferred to get out of the bar, I had no intention to stay and see how that meeting ended.  
I met some fans in the lobby which of course I had to greet, nothing more enjoyable than to share time with the fans. I signed a couple of items, took pictures and answered a couple of questions. The kids were really nice and I encouraged them in their activities “nothing more important than an education” I said smiling to the kids. I saw Rachel leave the mysterious man with the corner of my eye, I said goodbye to the fans and thanked them for their support. I hurried to catch the lift that Rachel was about to board.  
“Oi Oi Rachel”  
“Sarah, what a surprise. I thought you were going to stay longer with your entourage”  
“Business going well I suppose, yeah?”  
“Indeed. Tomas is a very interesting character”  
“Rather go with creep, he was checking your boobs every 5 seconds”  
“Looks someone else was paying attention”  
“Not precisely, I mean, it was obvious”  
Rachel chuckled “Do you want something Sarah?”  
I smirked mischievously “Yeah, I do, not here though”  
She arched her eyebrow and looked at me with those devilish looks she gave “Don’t start something that you will regret later Sarah Manning”  
“I already regret many things Rachel, not this.”

It took us 2 minutes to reach her door, once she passed her card key, she pushed the door so we could enter, I kicked the door closed and I was on her lips, she kissed me back with the same ferocious intensity. The usual battle that we conducted, fighting for dominance, loving each other, the dance that allowed us to release our frustrations and desires; five minutes later and we were on her couch, hurting, kissing, biting, playing on the very edge of love and hate, when I recalled my words “Shit! Wait, wait, wait Rachel” “What?” She said gasping for breath.  
“Let me do this right, please” I begged.  
“Are you insane? I want you wild Sarah”  
“I’m not a piece of meat Rach” I half joked to release the tension, she was using me right at this moment for her own pleasure, I knew that, yet I wanted to revoke what we felt for each other and the only way I was going to achieve that was making love to her, not having angry sex on the couch.  
I took her hand and pulled her to me, I kissed her softly “Come to bed Rachel” I seated on one side and tapped the empty space right next to me. She followed, when she seated I took her hand, and with the other I touched her face. “I was jealous of Stephen Riggs, that’s why I took distance; I couldn’t stand him near you, that’s what was going through my head that night. I couldn’t say the words so instead I kissed you” I kissed her again in demonstration “Just like this” I continue kissing her and pushed her to the bed, there I kept working on her neck, touching her soft skin, hearing her moan, the way she grabbed my hair, pulling it and tangling her hands in it. I took care to cover every inch of her body, her moans increasing and signaling her enjoyment, I took my time with her until she couldn’t hold it any longer and unleashed her orgasm. After none of us could take anymore I stopped, my body limped over hers, breathing heavily, trying to catch my breath.  
“This is how I feel about you Rach, just like that time, well, I’m more proficient now as you attested today, but the feelings remained the same. I blew everything with the stupid bet, yes, I did terribly, however my love for you was and is real”  
Rachel remained silent for a while “You have no idea how humiliated I felt Sarah, that bitch Angie was laughing at my face, everybody knew, I was the stupid prom queen created for that purpose”  
“No, you didn’t win just for your beauty, the change gave you more confidence Rach, can you not see it? You started to be friendlier towards all kind of groups, you faced Angela, and you earned the respect of the school, you did it yourself. I just helped with your looks; the rest was you all alone.”  
“That’s…” Rachel was left speechless, it made me remember the old Rachel, I looked her in the eye and gave her my warmest smile, I pecked her on the lips “You are the most confident, sexiest woman alive, trust me, you win that shite all by yourself, that’s why you are so successful, you get things done.”  
“Now that you put it that way, I might believe you”  
“You know the day we were shopping for new clothes for you? “Yes, you had me trying lots of dresses, it was excruciating” “That was the day I realized I was developing feelings for you”  
“Seriously?” I nodded. ”I am going to tell our sisters tomorrow what happened, they deserve to know Rach. I don’t want to lie anymore about us”  
“You sure? Alison is going to go insane Sarah.” We both laughed by imagining Alison’s reaction.  
“Anyway, just leave Delphine and Cosima alone, I am yours to do your bidding, you want to bang me for eternity, great, but let them be happy”  
“That sounds really promising Sarah, you really know how to do business” She turned me to kiss me, she was quickly makig her way down my belly when a knock on the door froze us in place.  
“Rachel, open the damn door, we need to talk”  
“Shit, that is Cosima” Rachel whispered  
“Fuck, she can’t see us here, at least not until I speak with her”  
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK  
“I know you are in there, open the goddamn door” Cosima insisted  
“Hide-” “What? Where?”  
“I don’t know, just hide, okay, I’ll deal with this”  
Rachel got up from bed, put on a robe and went to open the door.  
“Cosima? what an unexpected surprise” Rachel greeted.  
“Rachel what the…” Cosima examined Rachel, observing her surroundings “I am interrupting something?  
Rachel laughed nervously “Of course not, don’t be silly, what are you doing here sis?  
Cosima still was apprehensive, she walked inside the bedroom, bloody hell, she better not come any closer, or else, she is going to find me all naked in the bloody closet.  
“Cosima if you are looking for Delphine, trust me she is not here” Rachel said in a convincing tone.  
“Right, I just need to know if you and her…”  
“No, what happened was not her fault, she wasn’t feeling good and I took advantage of her. I knew you were going to propose that night, and I wanted to blew it. That is the truth.” Rachel said as a matter of fact.  
“But why Rachel? I don’t get it?”  
“I hate Sarah, if you suffer she suffers. That clear enough for you sis? Now please leave” Rachel lead Cosima out and closed the door. She sighed, and after a minute she returned to the bedroom. I got out of the closet “Damn, you really hate me, huh?” “I do, I love to hate you” “At least you told Cosima the truth” “Half the truth, actually. I drugged Delphine, she was hallucinating when Cosima found us” “You bitch!, are you out of your mind? how could you-“ Rachel kissed me hard, and our usual dance of love/hate was again in action.  
I knew that with one night I couldn’t make her realize how much I loved her, this was something that was going to require more time and dedication, in the meantime, wild and angry sex was what we had left, and I wasn’t planning on surrender, at least, not yet. Tomorrow Manning, tomorrow you have another day to fight.


	17. The Truth will set you Free

Now I was more confused than ever, according to Rachel Delphine wasn’t feeling good and she took advantage of her, still why on earth Delphine says she confused her with me?, which is completely ridiculous, I had dreads and Rachel short hair, for starters, I know the face is the same but Jesus, how sick can you be to not noticed that?. What if Rachel was lying as well? The hatred for Sarah was real, that I can be sure of, but the rest? It was like a tangled web of lies, who to believe?. My mind was a complete wreck, I had no desire to go to sleep, and instead I went for a walk.  
London was a very interesting city, so full of colors, enchantment. No wonder Sarah was the way she was, this is where she grew up, though her circumstances weren’t like the best during her initial years, according to Mrs. S. I was close to Hans Place Garden; instead of walking around without direction I went to the Park. The night was chilling; it made me wish for a warm body walking beside me, how I missed her so much. Maybe I was being stubborn, probably if I gave her a chance to explain things I wouldn’t be in the need for this night walks to clear my head. Go to the source you stupid, yet I was afraid. Scared that everything was a lie.  
After an hour I decided to return to the hotel, after all Beth had no idea where I was and I didn’t want to face her wrath. I took the lift to my room, when I reached my floor I got off and walked towards my door. Grabbed the card key and opened the door, and… “oh God, I am so sorry I, shit” Beth and Alison were kissing, and they were into it until I snapped them back to reality. “Oh crap, I, well, I talk to you later Ali” Beth said while cleaning the pink lipstick from her mouth. “You don’t have to go, you know? I can go with Sarah” I said quiet embarrassed. “No, no need, I have to go anyway, good night” she left the room, I looked at Alison “So, things are going smoothly between you and the bodyguard as far as I can see” I grinned, Alison cheeks were blushing, her lips still red from Beth’s kisses “Shut up” she turned around and went to her bed. At least things were going well for one of us. I changed my clothes and went to sleep, of course, I dreamt of Delphine.

The next day we practiced for an hour, it was the last concert and we wanted to make it awesome for the fans. Even though we were rehearsing the usual songs, Sarah seemed lost. She forgot the lyrics, was off cue, something was bothering her.  
“Sarah what is wrong with you? You are a complete disaster” Alison remarked.  
“Yeah, sorry, I have a lot in my head.”  
“No kidding” I added sarcastically “We better stop then, we are not making any progress playing like this”  
“I agree, besides it’s almost time for The Monitors to do their sound check”  
“All right” Sarah cleared her throat “can you come with me for a sec, I need to talk you in private”  
Before leaving the stage I set my eyes upon Delphine who just arrived with her two bandmates and Rachel. No matter how many times I saw her, every single time she took my breath away, the damn butterflies in my stomach getting crazy, her beautiful hair was in a bun today, which make her neck stand out and making me wanting to kiss it- “Cosima you coming?” Alison snapped me back, “Yeah, of course” I followed my sisters backstage to our dressing room, there Sarah closed the door and started to pace around the room, like thinking how to start.  
“Ok Sarah we are listening, what’s up with you?” Alison breaks the thick silence. Sarah looks at her, and then me, she licks her lips and breaths in heavily, like gathering courage. “I…I need to, shite, I don’t know where to start” Sarah’s hands ere fidgeting, her voice trembled; she looked like a lioness cornered in a cage. “Look, whatever it is you know you can tell us Sarah” Alison reassured her. I nodded to give her confidence.  
“I slept with Rachel” she blurted out. Barely understanding what she was trying to say I raised my eyebrows and tilted my head to the side, like trying to interpret hat she just said.  
Alison’s eyes were wide in horror, in complete shock and denial “Like sharing her room?” Alison asked fearful. “Like, I banged her wild and…” she opened the collar of her jacket to display scratches, bite marks all over her neck and collarbone. My mouth was opened, barely registering what my sister was saying “Oh no you didn’t Sarah, what the hell are you saying!” Alison was getting hysterical and then it hit me “Oh God, last night when I was in Rachel’s room, I knew she was busy… it was you! Holy shit”, “What!? Last night? What the fuck is going on?” Alison was almost shouting.  
“Wait, let me explain, this is not how I wanted to say it, it’s just that the bloody words wouldn’t come. Listen, I know it sound completely insane-“ “Insane? Sarah you fucked our sister, what the hell?” Alison cut her in in complete panic mode. “Alison shut up, let her speak” I interjected.  
“I love her-“ “WHAT?” “Alison just shut your mouth will you?”  
“Thanks Cos, like I was saying I am in love with her, since ten years ago”  
“But she hates you, how?” I asked.  
“There is an explanation for that, for everything, remember when she was crowned prom queen?” I nodded as well as Alison.  
“Well it was all because of me, one day hanging out with Bob and Sherry in school they had this idea…” Sarah related the whole betting on Rachel to become prom queen, how she help Rachel to change her appearance to boost her confidence, and how more people got invested in the bet, even betting who was the first to sleep with her, I was horrified, how Rachel had to go through that alone, she never said a word, and everything fell into place, the reason of her cold attitude, her bitchiness. “Shit, that is terrible Sarah, how you could do that to our sister, well it’s clear that you don’t see her that way, but still…”  
“I know Cos, and trust me I’ve been trying since that day to amend this, but she won’t forgive me”  
“Eeew, the sounds coming from your bedroom, that was not a pillow fight” Alison said in realization.  
Sarah laughed a bit “Sorry to disappoint you Alison”  
“That’s why you didn’t like Delphine, of course, you were jealous of her when she was with Rachel” Now everything made sense.  
“Yeah Cos, and speaking of Delphine, know that she never cheated on you, not willingly. Rachel knew about your plan to propose, and because she wants me to pay for what happened ten years ago she used a drug to confuse her. She know how much I care for you two, so, it is my fault that you had to pay, for that I am sorry”  
“She did what? Rachel is seriously fucked up” Alison said in disgust.  
“Don’t judge her to harsh, please, it’s all on me” Sarah pleaded.  
I was astonished to see Sarah like this, vulnerable, hurt, in pain, it was clear that she loved Rachel, what a fucked up relationship, seriously. But with that confession she gave me new light, Delphine did care about me, it was all planned by Rachel.  
“I am going to kill her!” Alison ran out of the room, “Bloody hell Alison, wait” Sarah went after her, and of course, I followed. Alison ran like she was on fire, she reached the stage and looked for her target, Rachel Duncan. “There you are bitch” Alison was seriously mad, and went to charge at Rachel who looked at first in utter confusion, then she mouthed oh shit, it seems that she knew what Sarah had done. Alison grabbed her by her hair and slapped the shit out of Rachel; Sarah ran and split them apart. “What the hell are you doing Hendrix?” Paul asked in bewilderment “Merde, split them apart” Delphine ran to aid Rachel. “Don’t worry Del, I’m fine” Rachel started to arrange her clothes and hair, Delphine turned around “Let’s calm down, oui?” and that’s when I noticed the ring hanging from her necklace, my ring.  
_________________  
I had no idea what was going on, I just saw Alison ran towards Rachel and the fighting that ensued: screaming, insults, Sarah trying to pull her sister away, it was mayhem, so I went and tried to help as well, I ran off the stage and pulled Rachel apart. “Let’s calm down, oui?” I said, when I turned around I saw Cosima looking at my chest, or so I thought so, when I check to see if there was something weird on my cleavage I saw the necklace hanging out of my shirt; she was looking at the ring. “I can explain Cosima, this is by no means any disrespect” I hope she didn’t take this the wrong way. ”You were carrying the ring all this time?” “Oui, I wanted to hold on to you, in any way possible, and being this the symbol of what you felt for me I kept it” “God Delphine, how can you be so amazing?” Okay I did not expected that reaction, but it was very welcome.  
“We need to talk, after your practice meet me at the bar in the hotel, let’s say at 7, there are a lot of things to discuss” I nodded in response.  
“All right Alison that is enough, sorry for the interruption guys.” Sarah said apologetically.  
“Paul, make sure that when all of you are done, review the wardrobe in your dressing rooms to make sure that the wardrobe fits perfectly, I have to discuss a couple of things with my sisters” Rachel provided the rest of instructions and left with Sarah and Alison, Cosima waited a heartbeat before she followed them.  
“Crap!, there is always drama with those Orphans” Donnie exclaimed.  
“You tell me man, thank God tomorrow we finish this thing and we go our separate ways” Paul concluded.  
“Let’s get back to practice boys” I said.

An hour and a half later we were done, I returned with Paul and Donnie to the hotel, my thoughts totally focused on my meeting with Cosima, I was really excited and nervous. After all my attempts to get close to her, finally I had a chance. I wanted to look my best; I went to my bedroom, I showered and wore a nice outfit, that wasn’t like too revealing but elegant and sexy. I had in my mind seduction, at least this way she was going to pay attention to me. I checked my watch, which indicated that I had 5 minutes to get to the bar. Cosima would be late, as usual; still, I wanted to be there on time.  
Once I arrived I asked for a more private table, with nice illumination and a glass of wine, my nerves were starting to get to me, it was a first date all over again. Ten minutes later and Cosima arrived, wearing a beautiful red outfit with black leggings and boots. Her dreads were in a tight bun and around her neck a beautiful gold necklace. So stunning, I forgot to speak for a moment.  
“Hey Delphine”  
“Bonsoir, Cosima” I bit my lower lip “You look very beautiful” Her cheeks turned pink “Yeah, you too” She took her seat, the waiter asked for her order, she asked for the same wine I was drinking and I ordered truffles.  
“Cosima, about what happened with Rachel I am truly, deeply sorry, ma chérie. I’ve been trying to make sense of it but I don’t have any way to explain it to you, except that I am in love with you, not Rachel.”  
“I know what happened; today was a very revealing day I must say, Rachel is a damaged woman, her heart is a complete wreck, in return she created chaos. I had a deep conversation with my sisters, the four of us, can you imagine? A lot of truths surfaced pain and hurt mostly, but under neat it all, there is love.”  
“I don’t think I am following you, Cosima. What do you mean?”  
“That Rachel loves Sarah in a very dark and twisted way, Sarah loves her back, they are in love even though they never mentioned the word it was palpable. The electricity that flowed between them was too intense.”  
“Merde, I knew it” “You did? That’s a first”  
“Well not that accurate, but when I was with Rachel, just mentioning the name of Sarah was like naming the devil or something like that. She would get really mad, out of control. I understand why you call her robot bitch” “Shit, you know about that?”  
“Everybody knows the terrible relation you have with Rach, and the name calling is pretty obvious, but makes sense when you see her always in control, except when you name Sarah”  
“I didn’t know that. It makes me envious, you know more about my sister than me. Anyway I did not come her to dig into Rachel’s psyche. She drugged you.”  
“Qu'est-ce? You kidding?” “Nope, Rachel has a troubled past with Sarah, and because of that she loves to hate her. In order to get payback she decided that the best way to do it was through us, her sisters.”  
“I don’t believe it, Rachel is my friend, how could she do this?” “As I told you, she is all like the end justifies the means type of chick.” I was not going to deny that it hurt what Cosima was telling me, I did care for Rachel, I considered her a friend.  
“The thing is Delphine that you were kind of high, but with higher hallucinating effects of some sort. However, that doesn’t make you guilt free, you kissed her, and that hurt a lot.  
“I knew something was off, yet I kept going and for that I am sorry Cosima, I have no excuse, but I wanted you so much, I want you all the time, you are worse than a drug, I simply can’t get enough of you. Cosima, I want you to trust me, s'il vous plaît, croyez-moi, ma chérie”  
“I’m not going to deny that this scares me Delphine, you have me tied into your little finger, and no matter how mad and hurt I was, I couldn’t stop loving you. I don’t’ want to end like Rachel and Sarah, so distant from one another and so in love.” She put her hand over mine “I love you Delphine Cormier”  
“Je t'aime, Cosima Niehaus” I caressed her soft cheek, her sweet lips, her eyes darkened, merde, it was time to ask for the bill.

Five minutes after paying we went asap into the elevator, trying to contain the desire, that spread like fire. As soon as the door opened I took her hand and jogged until we were in front of my door, I opened quickly and once I closed the door I kissed her, and mon Dieu it was marvelous. How much I missed her lips, her tongue, her teeth, her perfume, her soft hair. I deepened the kiss and a small moan escaped her. I took off her dress, and lead her to my bed. I kissed her neck and traced a path to her collarbone with my tongue, I quicky unclasped her bra and I reveled on her breasts, her hips rocking in anticipation, but I held her still until I was sure that I tended properly her upper body. She immediately took control of the situation and rolled on top of me, she undressed me fast and kissed me in desperation, she hold my hands over my head while she feasted on me, tonight it was all about making her feel as good as she made me feel so tonight I was going to top, I took advantage of my height and had her under me in seconds “non ma chérie, tonight I am going to make sure you are properly tended” “Goddammit Delphine you are killing me” I positioned myself between her legs, caressing her thighs, I kissed her tone abs going lower and lower until I reach the goal, she clasped the sheets in her hands, while I licked and kissed, her wetness arousing me, my fingers once inside felt the pressure of her muscles tightening, “oh shit” she murmured, one hand was covering her face the other holding my hair. I increased the rhythm and she pulled me to her lips, where I kissed her lower lip and her jawline, she had her eyes closed “You thinking about me, mon amour?” I asked mischievously “fuck yes” I smiled in satisfaction, I felt her core tightening, her hips increasing the intensity of my rhythm, she was so close, I just had to push her a little bit and she was going to fall. I kept kissing her and sucking her breasts, she dug her nails on my back “Yes, yes, oh Delphine!” the force of her orgasm ripping her into pieces until she was totally dead by pleasure. It took her a couple of minutes to recover her breath and movement, I hold her into my arms, and kissed her forehead. She took the ring in her hand “I bought this ring because I had the feeling that it was going to look perfect in your hand, but know that you have it hanging in you necklace, it looks more sexy between your breasts” She seated with her legs crossed and took my hands between her.  
“I don’t want to waste more time, obvs. Delphine, would you like to be Mrs. Cormier-Niehaus?” her smiled spreading light to my whole world, my heart aching so much for this woman, how could I ever deny her something “Oui, yes, I would love to” and kissed her. We tangled our bodies in excitement and celebration, after another satisfactory round, she seemed really eager to please.  
“This is not going to stay like this Delphine, just give me a couple more minutes and I’ll be in you in no time” she grinned at me, her face all flushed and sweaty after our love making.  
“Oh, I am more than ready ma chérie, you have no idea how much I missed you, too many nights without you, I did my best to recreate you in my mind but I failed miserably.”  
“Hmm, that is pretty hot, the sexiest drummer alive touching herself while thinking about me, oh God, that’s something I want to see”  
“Brat, get me ice cream and I promise that as soon as you get back I’ll get on with the show”  
“And as always, your wish is my command my future wife” Cosima put her coat on and went to get us ice cream. I couldn’t wait for her return, I was more than aroused thinking about what I was going to do, also figure out our future made me more than ready for her; I was going to be hers and she was going to be mine. What else could the sexiest drummer alive could ask for? Simple, the sexiest bassist alive.


	18. The Uncertainty of the Future

I opened my eyes slowly, the light filtering through the curtains; I blinked trying to awake my senses, I looked to my side and there she was, my French puppy fiancée, sound asleep. I turned to her side and spread kisses on the nape of her neck, she yawned “let me sleep Cosima, it’s too early”.  
I scooted closer to her, “Actually it’s kinda late, it’s already past 9”  
“êtes-vous sérieux? We overslept?” I drop kisses along her back “Well you are with me, so it’s totally expected that we arrive late”  
She moaned softly “Merde, Cosima you are impossible.” She turned around and kissed me on the lips “Bonjuor ma chérie” she removed the blankets to reveal her sexy body and went to the shower. I got up, picked the phone and called room service to order breakfast for us.  
She came out drying her hair with a towel and with her undies, “your turn mon amour, and hurry up, you always take too long”  
“Yeah, I will. Room service should be here any minute. I asked for you coffee and french toasts” “Merci Cosima, now hurry”.  
I let the hot water run over my body, all the muscles hurt in the right places, last night Delphine demanded a lot from me, and I wanted to give her everything, after all the horrible month we were apart, it was like last night we had all the sex we missed during our estrangement. But more than anything I missed her voice, that turn on of an accent, her hands as well and her company. I heard some sounds, which probably meant that breakfast had arrived, I finished showering and started to get dress, once done I put on my make-up, making sure that my eyeliner was game. Finally I got out, put on my glasses and joined her on the table.  
“You took your time Cosima, here eat our pancakes”   
“Thanks, can you pass me the coffee please?” “Sure” we started to eat our breakfast, but I noticed she was biting her lip, which she usually did when she was nervous or anxious.  
“What’s wrong Delphine, you worried about something?”  
“It’s not important, chérie”  
“Delphine, come on, if it was not important you wouldn’t have that face babe, spit it” she sighed “It’s Rachel, I need to speak with her, I mean she is my manager after all. Even though she is very professional, I need to make things clear, I still can’t believe she drugged me, that was a serious violation of our trust.”  
“You think she can do any more harm?”  
“Non, I don’t think she would do that, like I said, she is very objective regarding work, but she was my friend Cosima, still is, she made this happen, me being in The Monitors, I cannot give her my back now”  
“You really care for her, that makes me really jealous, you know”  
“Oh my cheeky girl you are the only one for me, but I do care about your sister, she believed in me when I was a nobody and in return I want to believe in her or at least give her a chance to explain.” “You do what you have to do, just don’t get your hopes high with her, right now she is like a wounded animal, she might not be very responsive to you, hell even Sarah can’t talk to her right now who supposedly is the one she loves”  
“Rachel deep down was as lonely as you, she is just very good at hiding it, she fooled all of us, so I’ll speak with her as soon as the concert is over” “Well good luck with that babe” We finished our breakfast, brushed our teeth respectively.  
“I gotta go with my sisters before going to the O2 Arena, so I’ll meet you there” I kissed her one more time before departing” “je t'aime Cosima”  
“Love you too” she walked towards the lift and I to the room I shared with Beth.

I opened the door and greeted Beth “Hey Beth”  
“it must have been a really good night, you were supposed to be here hours ago, Sarah came to look for you early”  
“Sarah needs to relax dude, it’s the last day of touring, geez”  
“Well at least you seemed pretty happy, make up sex?” I smiled widely to her question “Lots of it aaaaaaand I am an engaged woman”  
“What!? I’ll be damned, congratulations Cosima” she hugged me really hard  
“Thanks Beth; speaking of reconciliations, you and Alison?” she blushed when I named my sister; how cute it was.  
“Well, I’ve been trying to be really patient, I don’t want to freak her out, so I’m taking one step at a time, but it’s really hard to keep my discipline in check with her, you know?”  
“Yeah I feel you, I was desperate to get Delphine between my arms after all this time we were apart, but Alison won’t run away from you, if she allowed you two to kiss it’s because she is more than ready”  
“Probably, but I’ll wait anyway, it’s better that she takes the initiative, for now just holding hands and small kisses will do”  
“Shit Beth you really are made of iron, if it was Delphine I would have jumped her bones right away”  
“Yeah, I bet, but don’t forget it’s Ali we are talking about, it’s her way or the highway”  
“Indeed”.  
I grabbed a couple of things from my bedroom before leaving the hotel and Beth drove me to the venue. The first thing we did was meet my sisters in the dressing room who were speaking with the wardrobe and make up staff for tonight’s final gig.  
“What’s up you two?” I greeted both Sarah and Alison.  
“Surprise surprise, look who is late for the 10th time” Alison said with her mom’s voice “Well, at least you should be thankful, look who I brought with me” and showed her Beth who was standing behind me, it was so funny how her face lighten up by just seeing Beth  
“Hey Ali how’s it going?” Beth said rather shyly.   
“Cosima get here already, I was talking with Steff about the look I want us to have for tonight’s concert and…wait, you were with Delphine. Did you-?” I smiled  
“Yup, she said yessss”  
“Bloody hell, you are getting married then” Sarah came to me and hugged me and kissed me, Alison joined the sisterly embrace. “Let’s hope that you’ll be on time for your own wedding” added Alison. “Let’s get done with this yeah? We have a concert in a couple of hours”.  
I went with the wardrobe assistant with my sisters to decide which outfit we were going to be wearing tonight. I tried a couple of leggings to wear with my selected skirt. “I think that we should wear the clothes with patterns” Alison suggested “No, we should aim for a more relaxed look, what about this jackets?” “Yeah, with these leggings it will look more relaxed.” A knock on the door called our attention, when the door opened my French puppy peeked inside, “Hello, is Cosima there?” Excuse me, my bride to be requests my presence; this is what I’m wearing Steff, put it with Sarah’s wardrobe please” I went to join Delphine greeting her with a kiss. “Hello chérie, I had a couple of minutes to spare before going to hair and makeup, and decided to see if you were available” “Oh, I’m always available for you babe” I took her hand and lead her to my dressing room.  
“I don’t have a bed but we can always use the couch Delphine”  
“Cosima, mon Dieu!, you are such a perv”  
“This is your fault, you are too hot to be true, so when I have you all for myself trust me I want to take advantage of it”  
“I have 10 minutes to go change Cosima, this was not part of my plan” I started to kiss her neck, touching her skin under her blouse. She released a soft moan, I was in her mouth in seconds, and she deepened the kiss, her hands snaking around my waist, I unbuttoned her ragged jeans and pushed her to the couch, I finished taking her pants off; I didn’t waste time and my mouth was in her core trailing kisses, my hands caressing her soft spot, while she grasped my hair and mumbled in French, increasing my own arousal, I licked her breasts and nipped her nipples, arching her back in response to increase the stimuli, my fingers working her inside muscles as best as I could, she took my face and pulled me to her mouth, she licked my lower lip and I opened my mouth for her. We kissed fiercely, while I kept pushing my fingers in and out of her wet channel, increasing the friction. “Cosima, oh Cosima” she pleaded, her muscles tightening to release the spasm of her orgasm, I held her in my arms, until her breath became steady again.  
“You okay Delphine?”  
“Oui, I’m perfectly fine but late, mon amour. Look at the clock. We are going to have to find a way to fix this problem of being late.”  
“You are a rockstar Delphine, stop being so French and let them wait” I kissed her forehead and arranged a wild lock of hair behind her ear.  
“My cheeky girl, you are going to be my doom” I smiled at her comment and kissed her again more passionately this time.  
“Delphine? After this is all over, what do you plan to do?”  
“Hmm the boys and I have to record the songs for the new album, but not right away, we’ll start probably in two weeks.”  
“I see, we’re gonna spend some time in LA to record as well, then we’ll be back in Toronto”  
“Wow we are going to be very busy, non?” “Yeah, it sucks, but we can skype right?”  
“Of course, still I’m going to miss you a lot Cosima” “Me too, but as soon as we finish in LA I’m taking you to Mrs S. place” “Oh, your maman, talk about pressure” “Don’t worry, Mrs. S is really cool, she is going to love you” “I hope so”  
“You know ma chérie, I think we should look for a place to live together, you can come with me to Québec after I meet Mrs. S, and you can meet my family and plan the wedding”  
“As you wish my French puppy.” I kissed her again  
“Wow, it is so weird to talk about wedding plans, it seems surreal”  
“Oui and you better prepare ma chérie, I swear I’m not losing you again” She held me so tight that I could hear the beat of her heart “I’m not going anywhere Delphine, unless you want me to” “Mon Dieu, I want to grow old with you mon amour, this ring ties me to you forever”  
“Yeah, that’s true. By the way did you give the news to those assholes of your bandmates?” she laughed “They are not assholes Cosima! And of course I told Paul and Donnie, they are like brothers to me” “Okay, just checking” we started to kiss, I tilted my head to give her access to my neck when I looked at the clock hanging on the wall “SHIT, is super late Delphine, so sorry” I stood up and arrange my clothes, Delphine dressed like a lightning bolt. “Cosima you are really going to be the end of me” she kissed me once more before departing to her dressing room, “Good luck” I said before she left and I kept looking at her like a fool.  
__________________________  
“Woah watch out Delphine” I said to the French woman who bumped me on the shoulder, she seemed to be in a hurry “Sorry Beth” she said while heading to her destination. I knocked Cosima’s dressing room, when I heard her response I peeked inside. “Your girl bumped me on the hall, what did you do to her?” “She is late because we got entertained” “Oh I see, entertained, that’s how you call it now? anyway you have to change and get your make-up done, the show starts with The Monitors in 1 hour.” “Got it, I’ll go get ready” Cosima stood up from the couch and got out of her room, she closed the door and started to go towards Sarah’s dressing room, I was walking with her when I saw Alison standing in the corner of the stage entrance. “I’ll be around if you or Sarah needs me, okay?” “Sure”.  
I went to Alison’s direction; she was ready as usual, with navy blue pants and a pink long sleeve sweater. She had a matching pink headband. So gorgeous that it took my breath away.  
“Ali are you okay?” she turned around to look at me “Yes, it’s just that I was reflecting on a couple of things” “If you need anything don’t hesitate to call me” I said before going back to my security check up “Wait, don’t go just yet Beth” I stopped halfway and looked at her, I gave her a small smile to reassure her “Ali there is something bothering you, what is it?” “Can we go somewhere more private?” “Okay, follow me” I guided her through a couple of halls backstage until we were in the utility section that was pretty deserted at the moment.  
“All right, what the hell is going on?” as soon as I said that Ali smacked me on the lips, I was really surprised by the action though it was very welcome, I kissed her in return while embracing her between my arms, she broke the kiss and touched my face “Beth I don’t know how to deal with this, I mean us.” “That’s completely fine Ali, I know that this is something we are trying out, I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable” her eyes glowing with such intensity, it was hard not to get lost on those brown pits, she traced my scar softly “I care about you Beth, don’t think that I don’t. I wish I could be like Cosima, more open regarding her relation with Delphine or like Sarah that was brave enough to talk regarding her feelings for Rachel, which still grosses me out.” “Ali I get it okay, no need to be like your sisters, you are a more private person, if you don’t want anybody to find out about us, that’s great, I’ll steal kisses from you in the dark when no one is watching. I’ll keep my sight on you and whenever you call for me I’ll be there, don’t overthink this.”  
“You are so good to me, I really have no idea how you ended attracted to me in the first place” “Well that is pretty easy Ali, you are the most uptight caring person I’ve ever met” she hit me in the shoulder “Ouch!” I laughed at her “This is why I love you Alison Hendrix” I pulled her to me and kissed her ‘til I ran out of air.  
I took her hand and entwined my fingers with hers, “Let’s go back Ali, I hear the crowd getting wilder so the concert probably is going to start soon” We walked side by side, really taking our time, enjoying each other’s company, the music started which meant that The Monitors were on stage, the sound of the crowd deafening. “Ha! The sexiest drummer alive, they are seriously blind” Alison complained “Well Ali you have to admit that Delphine is really good-looking, she is tall, she is blonde and-“  
“Elizabeth Childs, you do not want to mess with me”  
I raised my eyebrows, and smiled “You’re damn right, the sexiest drummer is right here with me” I pecked her on the lips and continue our walk towards her dressing room.  
“Here you are, safe and sound miss Hendrix, can I do something else for you?” “I bet you could bench press me”  
“Easily” I smiled at her remark.  
“I bet you could bounce me like a ball” shit, the smiled from my face was replaced by lust, I gulped, the air in my lungs rushed out, I waited one second to make sure that what she was implying was the damn thing I was hoping for.  
“I’m objectifying you, sexually” she didn’t stopped staring at me, her tongue moistening her lips; fuck this, I went straight ahead and kissed her hard, we moved clumsily around her room until I found a table, I removed everything that was over the table violently and pushed Ali over it, I kissed her neck, my hands in her thighs, it was total madness being savoring her like this, so many nights fantasizing this moment. I kissed her everywhere I could, she turned me around and she was now on top, ripping my shirt apart, devouring me with her lips, when a voice came through my earpiece.  
I froze and stopped immediately startling Ali, and turned the mic on, “What? This is Beth, goddamitt repeat”  
“Beth? What is happening?” I put my index finger over her lips  
“Shhh” “Fuck, I’ll be there in 5. I gotta go Ali, stay with your sisters, okay? I have to go check a situation”  
“But Beth-“  
“No buts Ali, go” I said with my no nonsense attitude, but before letting her go I kissed her and reassured her that everything was perfectly fine.

 

I left her dressing room and run towards the back entrance of the concert hall, I spotted Raj and called for him “What the fuck happened Raj, who is the shitface who did this?” “Well according to Brody, the guy hit him on the head before getting rid of his teammate, he saw a blurry shape with a dark hoodie, he says he heard something about a sheep and then lost consciousness” “What the fuck is that asshole talking about? Whatever, just make sure you find whoever broke the security, do I make myself clear?” Raj nodded “And Raj, inform Art regarding the situation so he can coordinate with his team” Raj nodded once more and left, while that Brody guy was transported to an ambulance.  
I pressed the mic button on my earpiece again “This is Childs to all units, stay in position, we have a breach, Fox 1 and Fox 2 will sweep the zone the rest of you stay in position, we enter code red, all members of the staff will have to be reviewed again, no one enters the main rooms without proper security clearance, do you copy?” I awaited the response of all units “All right, let’s get this dipshit, Childs over and out!” I better get back to Ali and her sisters, better be close to them until we get this guy, however it was better to keep this to myself, I didn’t want to create unnecessary panic or fear. I was going to protect them, even if it mean with my life.


	19. Goodbye London

“Hey Beth, Alison told us that something came up? Everything’s cool?” I asked Beth who just entered our dressing room.  
“No need to worry, everything is fine. The guys are handling it, so you relax”  
“Uhm, Beth? You need to fix your shirt it’s, you know” Beth was staring at Sarah in wonder, then she checked her blouse “shit” yup, she noticed that the buttons were a complete mess.  
“It seems someone had to leave in a rush” I said teasingly, Beth was red as a tomato and not to mention Alison, she didn’t know where to hide; I laughed so hard I had to hold my stomach. “Alison reached second base, woot”  
“Shut up Cosima!” Sarah and I kept laughing for a while.   
“In all seriousness, you two are the cutest thing ever” Sarah complemented those two.  
A knock on the door made us stop all the goofing around, “Ladies you start in 20 minutes please head behind the stage” the staff lady announced. We were ready to do our thing on stage; Sarah was pacing as usual with her headphones on trying to focus and gather her thoughts, Alison was playing with her drumsticks and I seated on the carpet, I closed my eyes and let my mind drift away. The individual routine just lasted a couple of minutes before we walked together behind the stage and do our group ritual, we hold each other in a tight circle, Sarah spoke trying to pump us for the last show, to be in tune with the audience, to be in tune to each other and then the final words:  
Just one [Sarah]  
I’m a few [Alison]  
No family too [Cosima]  
Who I’m I? [Sarah]  
ORPHANS! [Sarah, Alison & Cosima]  
We broke the circle and hugged each other, giving words of encouragement. This preshow ritual bounded us more than any other thing we could ever done; yes, we weren’t sisters by blood, but we choose to be sisters by choice, except Rachel and Sarah, though that’s a different story.  
“Really? Bring him here” Beth said through her mic.  
“Ok Beth what is really going on?” Alison asked exasperated.  
“My team caught a guy snooping around, probably is the same that attacked one of the security guys”  
“And you weren’t going to say any of these to us?”   
“Ali, you don’t have to be worried about these things, it’s my job to worry, and you should be focused on your performance not the other way around” Beth took Alison’s hand between hers “I can’t help to worry about you Beth” “I know-“  
A male voice interrupted the conversation “Can you please take the ‘cuffs off, no need to be so aggressive”  
“Bloody hell, Vic” Sarah said in distaste.  
“Well, if my favorite trio is right here, what’s up Sarah, care to give a statement?”  
“Shut up Victor, how did you get in here?” I asked  
“Don’t worry ladies, I’m going to find out” Beth said rather pissed.  
“We caught him sneaking in the dressing room of Ms. Duncan” Raj said.  
“And why would you do that Victor?” Beth asked in a menacing voice.  
“I wanted to interview her, I mean she looked all pale and with dark circles under her eyes I thought this was a good opportunity to have a snapshot of the impeccable Rachel Duncan. Besides I’m one of the best journalists out there in showbiz, who better than me to get the scoop?”  
“Well well well, if it’s none other than Vic the dick” Felix arrived with a couple of cops.  
“Hey Felix, no need to bring the cops you know” Vic said  
“You were saying Vic?” Beth snapped at him  
“Just doing my job guys, come on! It’s impossible to talk to you, and I’m trying to gather information on a last minute deal I heard was going on, so I decided to go straight to the source, Rachel Duncan.”  
“Did you requested me here Ms. Childs, Art told me to come here” Rachel said  
“Woah, quick change Ms. Duncan 5 minutes ago you looked like crap and talking weird, not sheep you said” Vic asked bemused.  
“Yes, I called for you Ms. Duncan are you pressing charges to this dipshit for trespassing?”  
“No Ms. Childs I don’t have time to do a proper statement at the moment-“ “But I do” Felix said.  
“All right Mr. Dawkins, Raj take this asshole to the police station, at least he is going to be behind bars a couple of hours” Beth ordered.  
“Wait, Ms. Duncan is it true that you are planning an alliance with Aldous Leekie? How true are the rumors that you did the freaky with him, eh?” “For fuck’s sake take him out of here” Beth said.  
Sarah went pale immediately, “What is he talking about Rach? she looked at Rachel pleadingly. “That is none of your business Sarah, if we are finished I’m going back to my dressing room” she started to walk where she came from, Sarah tried to reach her but Beth hold her in place “Not now Sarah” “Dude, Vic is a dick, he is lying, obvs”  
The crowd was deafening now, which meant that the announcer already called for us. The Monitors where coming down the stage all smiles. I spotted Delphine and went to her “How was it babe?”  
“It is very wild out there ma chérie, have fun” our lips touched briefly.  
“That’s good to know my French drummer, anyway we are taking our flight tomorrow morning” “Meaning that we have the rest of the night for ourselves chérie”  
“Exactly, I like the way you think Delphine” she grinned mischievously  
“Cosima, the announcer just called for you, I’ll go and talk to Rachel now, meet me there, okay?” “No problem, see you in a while” We kissed this time more deeply before I departed for the stage. Alison and Sarah followed and we greeted the crowd.  
“Good evening mates, how you are faring” the crowd exploded in cheers.  
“Awesome, who’s ready to rock?” the fans were screaming to the top of their lungs that they were ready.  
Alison started to mark the beat, the drum solo was accompanied by the palms of the audience, excited for the show and on cue we joined Alison and rocked the house.  
________________  
The Orphans started to play, I was watching my dear Cosima from afar, the smile on Cosima while she played was simply gorgeous, and she looked so happy; it was like she was in a trance where there was only her and the music. I sighed, I am so in love with her, definitely there is no going back for me. “Del?” I heard my name, I turned around “You are coming now to the hotel?” Donnie was asking me during my distraction “Oh non, I need to speak with Rachel first you two go ahead” “All right Del, you did great tonight” Paul hugged me before going to change. Donnie kissed me on the cheek and waved at me.  
I refreshed myself before going to Rachel’s, I wanted to clear things up between us, I didn’t want to have an awkward relationship with the manager of the band, besides I considered her my friend. Once I was ready I went towards her dressing room, once I reached her door I knocked and announced myself. She told me to come in so I did, she was talking on the phone.  
“Tell me Aldous, how did he knew about that!?”  
“Oh please, no one on my side knows a thing, I bet the leak came from your side, this makes me rethink a possible association”  
“Fix it” and with that she closed the call.  
“Sorry to interrupt” I said apologetically  
“Don’t worry, I was done. What brings you here Delphine?”  
“Can we talk? Like really talk Rach?”  
“Oh, you mean about…sure” she took her seat, her cool demeanor in place.  
“I am sorry, I abused and took advantage of your trust Del, I apologize for what I did”  
“Non, you are not sorry Rach, I know you better than you think. Yes, you might feel bad about what you did to me, but you don’t regret it. And I totally understand your motivation behind it”  
She wasn’t expecting that, she stared at me long before speaking again “Okay Delphine, if you are not here for an apology, what do you want?”  
“I want to get to know you, after all you are my friend Rachel, two years working together side by side, sharing wonderful moments together and you never opened up to me or anyone else. We care about you, the boys and I, we just want to be trusted friends to you.”  
“Delphine, I am your friend, and trust me I do care about my people, it’s just that I can’t, I don’t know how…”  
“Like the Beatles song, I think that all you need is love. I really do think you should give a chance to Sarah Manning.” The change was in an instant, you could see the hurt in her eyes, the pain and the love. How could I never noticed it before?, oh right, because I thought they saw each other as sisters, anyway, I was worried that she was going to let her angst take the light that remained inside her.  
“I rather not speak about that Del”  
“Rachel have you not suffered enough, haven’t she suffered enough? Cosima misses you too. You are her sister, and she barely knows you anymore, don’t you care about her or Alison? I mean, Cosima lost hope; she told me that I should give up too.”  
She smiled bitterly “Better not waste your time then”  
“I am your friend, oui? I won’t give my back to you ever” I held her hand  
“Rachel you are an incredible person, if you only let us get closer to you, then you wouldn’t have to carry all your problems, you could share the weight and you know that we would do it gladly. Your sisters need you. You are part of them, even if you don’t think so anymore. You can try to repair the damage and then, you wouldn’t be so lonely”  
“You really are naïve Delphine, you know what I’m capable of, yet here you are.”  
“If you were a horrible person you wouldn’t even seat here to discuss this with me. I’m going to believe that you are redeemable until the very end Rachel”  
We were finishing talking when suddenly the door opened and a female voice with a Russian accent said “I finally found you sheep. You are going to meet your maker today, yes?”  
Rachel stood up, eyes wide “what is this! Get out of here” the woman was approaching us, I stood up as well, not understanding what was going on. The woman was shorter in height, like Rachel, her wild blonde curls under the green hood covering her features, bloodshot eyes. She came at us, so I stood in front of her to try to talk to this girl. “Listen if you don’t leave I’ll call security right now!” she was so close to me now, I saw me reflected in those dark depths of eyes and then the pain hit me.  
“Oh my God!” Rachel blurted out.  
“Not sheep” she said while pulling the knife out of my stomach, I whimpered and put my hand over the bleeding wound, I fell to the floor seeing how the blood flowed out of my body.  
___________________  
“So you are going to keep an eye on things here?”  
“Yes Art, go with Paul and Donnie to the hotel, I’ll keep the security in check, don’t worry okay”  
I dismissed him and returned to keep an eye on the girls who were almost done with the show. “Eagle 1 has left the nest, Childs taking over, report positions, over” I waited the response of all team members present at the moment. Hmm, where the hell was Fox 5 “This is Childs, Fox 5 confirm position, over…” no response “Eagle 2 you are closer to Fox 5 please check with him, over” “Copy that Fox 1, over and out”  
In the meantime I was enjoying the concert; looking at Alison was the best part of this job, how beautiful and confident she was, her forehead gleamed with sweat, her body must be hot as well. Crap, I was getting aroused and this was not the moment for that. “Man down I repeat man down” I barely caught a word of the communication “What? Repeat Eagle 2” “Man down, Fox 5 is dead” Shit, Vic was in the police station, he did not do that, fuck there was someone else, someone insane enough to kill “All units code 55, shut the place down NOW!” I ran up the stage interrupting the show with two more guards and signaled them “Take them downstairs and do not let them out of your sight, keep them secured” The men nodded at my command and started to guide the girls with them “Beth what is going on?” Alison asked shaken up “You’ll be fine Ali, I promise” and I left.  
I ran with all I could to the place where Eagle 2 found the body. “Fuck, slit throat” This was bad. “You, take all the staff outside the building, make sure that everybody have the proper credentials" “You two, sweep the northwest and south halls okay? the body is still warm so this dipshit must be close. Be careful it looks like a pro did this” I took out my Glock and started walking checking my area, people running and walking everywhere were making this difficult “Goddamit get the hell out of my way!” I kept looking for any sign of disturbance, kicking doors and checking room by room without any luck, until I thought I heard a scream, I went back to the hall and checked both sides, where did it come from? I was in the northeast wing, who could be here… shit! Duncan is in the next corner, fuck fuck fuck. I ran to her office, when I reached her door I tried opening it, but it was locked, instead I kicked and kicked until the door gave in.  
With gun raised in hand I entered to find a horrid scene: Delphine on the floor lying in a pool of blood and a woman? holding a bloody knife to Rachel’s throat, who was beaten and scared like shit.  
“Don’t move and let her go, slowly” “Move, dirty little cop or the sheep is dead” The woman pressed the knife hard enough to draw blood from Rachel’s neck, she hissed in response. This crazy woman was not kidding “Put gun here” I raised my hands and put my gun over the desk. The woman took my gun and started to walk to the door while I backed away slowly, “Let her go please, the other woman needs medical attention” “Can’t, my sestra needs to see the truth” She aimed at me “Let her go, this building is close, you can’t go anywhere” I lowered my hands slowly trying to take my backup gun that I had attached on back, when I heard “BETH! Oh God” The woman reacted to the foreign presence and shot.  
BANG BANG   
“MOOOOOVE” I jumped towards Alison and took her down to the floor with me. I was on top of her “Are you..o-kay?” I asked “Yes, yes I’m fine Beth” she said in tears “That’s go-good” my blurry sight was troubling , I blinked, trying to keep me awake, I rolled off of Alison when I heard “God no Beth, please, please don’t go. Keep your eyes open, please” she was sobbing uncontrollably. I tried to tell her that everything was going to be fine, instead blood sipped from my mouth, the iron taste disgusting, I tried to breathe, the blood was making it difficult “Call a fucking ambulance!!!” Ali screamed. “Beth stay with me, BEEETH” “I…will…always keep you…sa-fe” I croaked and darkness claimed me.


	20. New Begining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it this far, then that means that I owe you a huge thank you for taking the time to read this. I apologize for all horrible mistakes, this was my very first project and I did it because no one else was going to do it for me, so there you have it, a story that I wanted to read for my own pleasure that I am now sharing with you.  
> Thanks again for reading and I hope you like it.
> 
> tanagariel

“Ok dude do you mind telling us what is going on?” I asked security guy 1 while he escorted us to our dressing room. “Can someone tell us what the bloody hell is going on!?” Sarah asked desperate. “Look ladies, apparently there is an intrusion and for security reasons you need to be held in a safe location before moving you out” added security guy 2 “This is bullshit!” Alison spatted. We entered our dressing room, but none of us could stay seated long enough, we knew something was wrong, my heart was telling me that something was terribly wrong, I couldn’t shake up this sensation, I was certain that Delphine needed me.  
“Look man, don’t lie to us, you have taken everybody out of the fucking place, you don’t tell me that is for just an intrusion, I mean Vic was busted and this mess wasn’t so big as now”  
“Holy shite! Vic, he said something about Rachel”  
“Yeah that she is banging Leekie”  
“Shite Cosima, not that! He said something about Rachel not being Rachel”  
“You know Vic takes coke Sarah, he was probably high”  
“Yeah, but he said something about…not sheep, fuck, Helena”  
“What are you mumbling Sarah” Alison asked.  
“Helena, the crazy fan I met at Rome, she followed me, I saw her again in France, I thought she was gone, and she…fuck she is here for Rachel; I have to go”  
“Rachel? Shit! Delphine is with her” I remembered.  
“Sorry Miss Manning you are going to stay right here” “The hell I’m staying here” Sarah kicked in the nuts security guy 2 and went for the door. “Sorry dude” I hit security guy 1 hard with a vase on the head and followed my sister, “Oh God, did you killed him?” Alison asked kind of freaked out. “No Alison, of course not!” we ran together following Sarah, my heart beating faster, my nerves driving me insane of worry for Delphine. “When did you plan to tell us about your crazy fan Sarah?” Alison asked pretty mad “You know that Beth probably is dealing with a psycho without even knowing it”  
“Yes Alison I know, I blew it, yeah?“  
“No fighting among us, just let’s find them, okay?” We were in separate sides from Rachel’s designated place, as always Monitors and Orphans were placed in opposite wings of hotels and concert halls, to avoid fighting between us, it was amazing how ridiculous this situation was, especially now that the love of my life was threaten by some weird psycho .  
Rachel’s office was just around this corner, I could hear Beth’s voice “Let her go, this building is close, you can’t go anywhere” we finally reached the place, Beth was giving us her back hands raised to the sides moving slowly like trying to reach her backup gun, in front of her a woman with a knife on Rachel’s throat and pointing Beth with a gun. Alison panicked and ran towards Beth “BETH! Oh God”, two shots were fired; Beth jumped and threw Alison on the floor. The scene was horrible, as soon as Beth rolled off of Alison, you could see her bathed in Beth’s blood, she took the bullets to save Alison, “Call a fucking ambulance!!!” Alison screamed.  
The two guys that we smacked finally caught up with us “This is Fox 6 we need paramedics stat, this is an emergency! Hostage situation we need backup, subject armed and dangerous” The woman in the green hood was getting perturbed “Helena look at me, I’m right here, yeah?” Sarah called the attention of the woman. I started to move slowly as well to avoid getting her happy trigger, looking for Delphine. “You came sestra” the woman, Helena said quiet happy. “Yeah, I’m here, please let Rachel go” she was three steps away from them “The sheep must die”  
“NO! no one needs to die Helena, we finally can be together”  
“Together? Like family, yes?”  
“Let her go Helena” I snuck into Rachel’s office taking advantage of the distraction and there I saw her “Holy crap Delphine!” I ran to her, I took off my scarf and pressed her wound, she was so pale that you could see her veins through her skin, “Cosima?” her voice croaked “I’m here babe, you’ll be fine just hang in there, help is on the way” I prayed that indeed the help was here on time, all this was completely fucked up, “You are supposed to grow old with me Delphine, do you hear me! Don’t you dare leave me!” I hold her cold hand between mine and kissed her cold lips, “Please, stay with me” I whispered into her ear. She felt so weak, her cold body trembling, I got closer to her and embraced her trying to give her my warmth and strength.  
“You know Delphine; time is of the essence, we have to get married asap. We better get this planning thing ready ‘cause I am marrying you in no time, do you hear me?” she gave me the smallest of smiles, though it was a good sign that she was conscious. “Good, I am stuck with you forever, don’t you try leave me French puppy, once you get better, I promise you that I’m going to do crazy music with you, and you are going to sing my name in no time” “Brat” I smiled, she was a fighter, she never gave up on us so I knew that she was going to make it, she was a woman of her word, I had to believe that.  
_______________________  
“Helena if you don’t let Rachel go we won’t be together, take me with you, the sheep doesn’t matter. We have a connection, remember?”  
“Yes, sestra” Helena released Rachel and pushed her to the floor, I joined her and walked along with her, “Let’s go Helena, we have to get away from here” I looked the bloody mess, my sister’s sobbing reaching the depths of my soul, I looked at Rachel in the eyes to assure her that she was going to be fine “get help now” I told her.  
I resumed my walk with Helena, I had to drag her as far away from here as possible “Please lower your weapons” I said to the men pointing their guns “I am okay, don’t shoot and please don’t follow us” I saw a couple of doors ahead an empty room, if I could get inside I could deal with Helena without putting more people in danger. “Helena let’s go inside, I think we can go through here we can escape and be family” I showed her the door; she complied, once inside I closed the door. As soon as she faced me “I’m going to kill you!!!” and I launched at her. She quickly composed her, and we fought, or at least I tried my best.  
I definitely underestimated her, 5 minutes later and Helena was kicking the living shite out of me, she head butted me and kicked me in the stomach, I fell on the floor, she picked me up and started to choke me, then she smashed my body against the hard concrete wall, my head was bleeding and I had a busted lip, maybe a pair of crack ribs as well. “I can’t kill you sestra, just as I know you can’t kill me” I lay on the floor all bloodied and beaten, she kicked me once, enough to pull the air out of my lungs. I rolled on my back and I felt the coldness of the gun she was carrying earlier “We are family, yes?” “I already got a family”  
BANG  
Her limped body fell on the floor, immediately someone kicked the door and men armed to the teeth entered, I dropped the gun and raised my hands.  
___________________  
The days in the hospital were the worst, the doctors operated Delphine and Beth, by a miracle both of them made it out alive, though Beth didn’t wake up, she was in a coma and the doctors weren’t sure when or if she was going to wake up, Alison was destroyed. Sarah and I tried to be there for her, but it was too much to handle for her, she took pills and alcohol to tried to numb the pain, she couldn’t be here anymore so we sent her back home with Fee. We were arranging Beth’s transfer to Canada as well, we were just waiting the approval by the hospital since she was pretty stable.  
Paul and Donnie were also here giving support to Delphine who spend the first two days in the ICU, until the doctor released her from danger.  
“Hey Delphine, I brought you flowers”  
“Merci, ma chérie” I greeted her with a kiss  
“How are you feeling today?”  
“If the nurse weren’t pumping meds for the pain I would be much worse Cosima”  
“Oh well, if I had a joint with me we could get so baked that you wouldn’t feel the pain”  
“Cosima!” she scolded, I grinned in response “One day my cheeky girl” A knock on the door interrupted our chat “Del? You dressed?”  
“Merde Paul, why on earth are you asking that?” Delphine blushed profusely  
“Just making sure that you two aren’t doing anything extreme” he retorted.  
“Indeed Del, just look at Niehaus, she has such a horny face” “Fuck you Donnie, thank you very much”  
“Cut it out you two and give me a hug boys” the two idiots really cared for Delphine and I was grateful for that, both hugged and kissed her with care. They chatted for a while, sharing the news of the drama that unfolded, telling the amount of gifts fans left for her, and how much they missed her. Paul and Donnie even though obnoxious, I had to admit that they were really good. “By the way, have you seen Rachel?” Delphine asked  
“She didn’t move from here until the doc’s released you. She still has some bruises but she is good” Paul commented “Mon Dieu, she is really stubborn isn’t she?”  
“You know her Del, she is out there managing the press and doing damage control, she feels more comfortable away from us than being here feeling loved” Donnie added “Besides, she would be totally awkward here without knowing what to say or how to behave” Paul concluded.  
They were completely right, Rachel was so freaking cold that even among us, her sisters, she was usually uncomfortable, not knowing how to act or what to say, it was actually funny how she went from shy girl to ice bitch to Sarah’s lover, Sarah must have done something, something really good in bed.  
“And what are you smiling for my cheeky girl” “Me? Well your boys just gave me a bright idea” “Jesus, we are out of here. Let’s go Donnie. We will be flying tomorrow home with Rachel, to prepare the recording, okay? You take all the time you need Del” They said their goodbyes and left me alone with my woman.  
“In all seriousness Delphine, as soon as the doctor takes the stitches I’m jumping on you.” I took her face and kissed her.  
_____________________  
11 weeks had passed since we left London. After the doctor removed the stitches Cosima kept her word, we did crazy music together until I screamed her name. Things couldn’t be better, a week ago Cosima’s bodyguard, Elizabeth Childs woke up from her coma, when we went to visit her we found Alison crying of happiness by her side, it was beautiful seeing love in both their expressions. “You scared me to death Beth, please don’t ever do that again” Alison pleaded “You know I can’t Ali, this is my job; a job that will ensure your safety, a job that I can’t leave in the hands of a stranger. I will protect you and your sisters, of course, so no one is taking my place beside you Ali” Alison kissed Beth pouring her love into that kiss, the scene so romantic. I held Cosima’s hand content that I was lucky enough to be by her side.

Me and the boys started to record our second album, so in the times I could spare I skyped with Cosima who was doing her thing with her sisters as well. Being in love with a member of a very popular rock band was complicated, particularly when I was also in a band, we didn’t have much time for us at the moment, we were behind schedule, therefore the stakes were higher when you had to be ready for a specific launch date of your musical material.

In the following months I met Mrs. S, she was really a lovely lady, Cosima also met my maman who gave us her blessing, and the wedding was going to be held right before both bands started touring again. To celebrate we organized an engagement dinner in our new home, were hopefully for the first time, both band members were going to behave accordingly, or at least Cosima and I believed so. Everybody was present, both The Monitors and The Orphans, with their respective security team, our family members and close friends.

“So what do you think babe? Not bad at all, huh?” Cosima said.  
“Oui, its perfect mon amour. Everybody seems to be getting along”  
“Well, it’s a good thing that my sisters are distracted, that way their attention is not on Paul and Donnie”  
That was very true, Alison was completely engaged in conversation with her bodyguard/girlfriend Elizabeth Childs, you could see the two of them giggling softly and sharing secrets to one another, they looked so intimate and so connected, it was a precious sight of two persons deeply in love, who knows if they are going to be the next changing their status to married.  
Sarah Manning was talking with her foster mother Mrs. S and Felix while stealing glances at the other side of the table, where Rachel was speaking with Paul and Donnie. God only knew how those two were going to deal with both their feelings. It was obvious from here that both were doing their best to feign indifference, when on the inside both were dying to get it on. Fighting for self-control; trying to tame the sexual tension between them. I really hoped that Rachel wasn’t so obstinate, yet I was sure that Sarah was going to break her walls sooner rather than later.  
“Guess what chérie?”  
“What is it?  
“I already preordered your next album”  
“You did? Shit that means a lot babe. But, let me show you a thing” She took my hand and lead me to our study. She went to one of the drawers and took out a cd case.  
“Ta-Da!”  
“Mon Dieu where did you get that?” she was holding the not yet released new album of The Monitors.  
“Well, you do know that my sister is the manager of this band and with a little charm I made her give this to me”  
“I cannot believe this Cosima Niehaus, you are impossible”  
“Yeah, but you love me that way” Yes I did.  
“I think that the party is doing really well without us, I don’t think they are going to kill themselves if we are missed for a couple of minutes”  
“Obvs.” And we kissed passionately, excited for this new life we were sharing, enjoying the warmth of our bodies and the sensations each of us provoke to the other, I couldn’t be happier to be in the arms of this woman, my woman, until the day I stop breathing she was going to be mine, and I hers.


End file.
